Downhill

Yes...I know...you don't need to tell me. It's getting worse and worse each time. And you don't even know about the worst of it yet. I'm going to need a lot of miracles to pull things back together. But I already know that there won't be any.

Yes...maybe I'm not working hard enough. But you know what? I'm trying to try. I'm trying my best to try. I'm trying my best to focus and work. Sadly, it doesn't seem to be working at all. I work my ass off using whatever effort I can force out of myself, and in the end, the disappointment is larger than ever.

No. I don't want to fail. I don't want to fall. I'm trying not to. After all, I probably know the pain of falling better than anyone else.

Do you know that what I really want is for you to be understanding? Do you know that I wish you'd give me some encouragement, instead of rubbing in the failure? Do you know that you are the one who kills my confidence the most? Do you know that you could make a big difference, if you cared the way I need you to?

But you don't know. And when I try to explain to you, you don't hear or understand any of it.

I do want you to care. But this is not the way.