Me Day

其實今天什麼都不想說﹐不想跟任何人說話﹐不想寫﹐但又很想把心裡的一切記下來。

I never really want anything, and I never really expect to get anything, so it was rather surprising to have received greetings from ten or so people today. They all cared enough to take the time to send me their greetings and wishes. But at the same time, I felt really bad that I've never done the same in return. It's not that I don't care. I do. I just never thought I was of any significance to these people.

Another surprise was that I got gifts from certain people. Again, I am in shame that I've never done the same for them. No, it's never because I don't care. I do care, very much so, and I always do think of giving gifts to them. But I can never find something meaningful to give. Perhaps that sounds like some sort of lame excuse, but that is the truth. I wish I knew how to show all of you that I care. Please...I might be emotionally challenged and don't know how to express myself, but I do care.

It was a very nice gift. In fact, I was planning to buy something of the sort for myself, but never got around to. But everything about that particular gift drives me crazy. I love it, but a part of me would rather not have it. Is this some kind of joke? This is the wrong gift, from the wrong person.

I actually have plans tomorrow evening. It's the first time in many many years that I am going out for this special occasion. I hesitated to take the invitation the other night, because I really don't want to see anyone or talk to anyone. But it was a rare opportunity to see two good friends.

There seems to be lots of reasons to be happy today, but my heart still feels heavy and empty. There were lots of greetings, but there was none from the person I want to hear from most. There were gifts, but it was the wrong gift from the wrong person. There will be celebrations, but the person I want to see most will not be there.

Perhaps I can only blame myself. It was my fault that so many things happened. And I, too, did not send you my greetings.

There is nothing I want more today than to see you for two minutes, or even to simply receive a few words from you. I never really want anything from you, because having you beside me and being able to feel your presence is already enough. Despite the fact, I have always wanted to request two things from you. The first, you know about. I would really love to have recordings of your guitar playing. The second, which I don't think I ever mentioned, is a candle. But I guess neither of these will ever happen.

Tonight I wished upon a star......but the wish will never come true.

其實﹐寫的原因不是想把什麼記下來。

其實﹐寫的原因是希望你會看到﹐希望可以把一切告訴你知﹐希望你還會在呼﹐希望在你心裡我仍然有一些地位。

='(