One in a Million......A Million in One

Perhaps it will never make a difference to you that there is one less person in your life. After all, nothing I can ever do can compare to what all those other people out there have done for you.

But do you know, and did you know, how much of a difference it makes to have you in my life?

Typical Taurus

I hate the way I feel......

I want to hate you, but I know I don't, and I don't know how to.

Perhaps I am the typical Taurus. I have never fallen for anyone before, nor did I expect to. But I always knew that if I did, I would never be able to pull myself out of it. If something or someone can truly take a piece of my heart, the piece is lost forever.

With all my heart......
[......]

刺

不知道為什麼......
突然感到很不開心﹐很痛.......

One Man War

On this Friday the 13th, I went and wrote the MCAT. Who would go and do a thing like that? Obviously, nobody. That would explain why after sitting by the computer for three days, this was the only seat I could get. While waiting to be registered, many people thought that this Friday the 13th would bring good luck. No. I don't believe that. In fact, I don't believe anything. I don't know how to be positive about anything. And I don't know how to have hope in anything.

So, as expected, it was a horrible day. I had to make the drive down to Hamilton after about 3 hours of sleep. The checking-in process took an hour, so I started an hour late. The fucking computer wouldn't work properly. I was blank. I didn't know anything. Some assholes came in and discussed what was wrong with the computers while we were still writing. The stupid confirmation sheet at the end would not print. I had to drive home, and got stuck in traffic for 3 hours.

OK. I can cope with that. Because none of that was the thing that hurt me most......

MCAT is the longest professional school entrance exam (~5 hours). And through all of this, I didn't get a single word of encouragement from anyone. The folks at home...everyone is just too busy getting angry at each other to care. Plus, nobody in this house thinks I can do it anyways. [Including myself.] But all this time, I had always believed that at least one person would care enough to send me wishes. I was wrong.

Two years ago, because everything seemed to be going downhill, I had already given up on the idea of MCAT and everything that follows. But not too long after, I received a gift and a card that made me cry. That was the first time that I received some real encouragement. It was because of that gift that I told myself I can still do it. It was because of that gift that I still went and did this today. Unfortunately, I can't help but wonder if that gift, which is so important to me, still has the same meaning.

But a part of me is feeling guilty for thinking that......

You said you'd always be there for me. I should have faith in you. But sometimes I don't know how to believe when I don't have anything.

But somewhere deep down inside, I know my heart still believes......

Circle

Taurus horoscope for July 6, 2007 by Jonathan Cainer:

" 'Fool if you think it's over...' So goes the old song. That's well observed. Never, really, do we make a clean break with anyone or anything. We can act tough. We can refuse to look back. We can draw the line and then stay on our own side of it. But a part of us will always wonder. And another part of us, no matter how hard we try to keep it in check, will always retain some of the passion that it once felt. You, though, are no fool. Something is not yet entirely over but nor is it starting again."

He must be laughing at me......

I should really stop reading these things......