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Can't find the words...

Me, Myself and I?

HOCC:
"對我來說，每個人都是一個個體，都會有不同的想法要求跟背景，
只有自己才能真正了解自己需要一些什麼，
旁邊幾千幾萬個要加插意見的人 當然也有他們的自由，
說妳應該這樣不應該這樣，這樣不夠好那樣比較好。
但到最後走這條路的還不是你自己一個，
臨終回頭一看，只會看到自己做到和做不到的，
這些在一旁評頭品足的人也不過是如風一般來去沖沖的過客，
跟本不會出現在你的人生板圖上，
讓你選擇，你真的會為了不惹到他們而放棄自己的做法嗎?"

I agree. I choose what I choose. Because for once, I realize what it is I really want, and I don't want to let go of it.

But what do you do when the people interfering are your family? Are you justified to disregard them too?

哭了

這兩天...終於忍不住...哭了。

I'm not sure why I cried. Perhaps I dread going back to school again. Perhaps it is the sadness that has come over me from not being able to do all those things that I wanted to do. Perhaps it is the realization (for the nth time) of where I stand.

為什麼生活總是那麼矛盾﹖

I do not want to go back to school tomorrow. If there's anything that I'm really tired of in life, it would be school. But at the same time, I dread the fact that it will all be over in a few months. Then what? The whole world is watching me, and I don't know what to do.

The thing that played on my emotions the most this holiday was the same thing that bugged me last year. All I wanted was to spend the holidays with a special person. Is that too much to ask for? I tried. Perhaps it wasn't enough. Perhaps I am undeserving. *sigh*...Did my little friend even reach his destination?

I love someone. I love my family. Where is the conflict in this?

無奈...

Next Up...Not Me.

Perhaps I've taken it all too seriously.
Perhaps I am holding on to something that no longer exists.
Perhaps I am too possessive.
Perhaps I am jealous.
Perhaps I am selfish.

But every time a certain thought came into my mind,
I could feel an unbearable sting in my heart...

原來最痛的不是我愛的人不再理我,
而是想起他身邊可能有一個他更愛的人。