Drained

For whatever reason, it's been a tough struggle to hold back the tears these few days. Perhaps it's all the memories running through my mind in the last little while. Perhaps it's the feeling of being overwhelmed by all the things that are going wrong. Perhaps it's the thought of my totally nonexisting reading week.

A few days ago my boss talked to me about the fact that I had forgotten to do a few things a few times in the last little while. Being the nice guy that he is, he put it in a very polite and understanding way. He said that it's not like me to be like that and said he thinks that I am stressed and under too much pressure. Regardless, I felt horrible.

Apart from being a huge slap on the face, it was rather 'interesting' that he said I am stressed. It seems that in the last year or so I often have people saying this to me. All my life I've tried to keep my cool even when everyone else is freaking out. After all, I have the responsibility to deal with my own shit. I've been so good at it that everyone thinks that I can handle anything.

Maybe I'm getting old? Maybe my life is getting too complicated for me to handle. It seems to be harder and harder to deal with everything, and the feeling of being overwhelmed just seems to always creep up on me.

Oh yeah...my leg is still busted.

Physically, mentally and emotionally drained...

But so what?...Just have to keep going, keep fighting, keep pretending to be okay.