Addict

Every single time, while finishing the last few sips of my coffee, there is always a bitter taste. At that point, despite the initial craving, I remind myself that I don't really like coffee that much. Yet, by the next day, I would go back for more...

I've been drinking tea for as long as I can remember. But it seems I've lost interest recently. For some reason, it just doesn't taste as good as it did before...

If only the Canada Dry I'm drinking wasn't dry...

Looking Glass

I've always liked walking out in the streets at night. There is a very peaceful yet exciting feeling to it, especially if you're downtown.

But when I finally had the chance to take a walk last night, there was an incredible feeling of emptiness...

Perhaps...I was rather out of place...because nobody else walked alone...

While driving past all the buildings last night, I wondered...

If I looked up to a certain window tonight, would the lights be on or off?

......

Baby Monkey

Did she say it by accident?
Or is she trying to test me?

I did not react.
But inside, I froze.

Truce

I hate this fake resolution.

I hate pretending that everything is okay when I know it's not.

I hate it when people make general comments about things when it's obvious that it's directed at me.

I hate how everyone, including myself, is avoiding the situation.

Connections

What determines the relationship that you build with someone? Your personality? His/Her personality? Circumstances? Fate? Or something else?

PERSON #1 I've known for 15 years. We meet up for each other's birthdays and for Christmas. We talk about everything from family, school, work, to travels. But for whatever reason, I cannot bring myself to trust her completely and tell her about the deeper things.

PERSON(S) #2 are a group of people that I had every single class with for 4-8 years. Despite the long time, I never had a meaningful relationship with any one of them.

PERSON #3 is a person I spent time with for less than 9 months. But I trust this person more than anyone else in the world.

Why is it that some people connect and others don't?

Why is it that some people stay in your life and others don't?

給媽媽的信

On AM1430, they have been holding a contest/session entitled "給媽媽的信", a letter to mom.

I've always thought about this, because I know for a fact that I can communicate much better in writing than in speech. But this would never work, because (1) I could never write in Chinese all the thing I need/want to say; (2) She would never fully understand what I write in English; and (3) There is bound to be misunderstandings and arguments about what I really mean.

So today...Mother's Day...for the 3rd year in a row...I am not doing anything at all.

I would gladly spend the day with you and pay for all the expenses.

But you don't want me there.

Where are you now?

March 28, 08: There was a shooting at a particular intersection. A certain heaviness was in me the whole day.

Today: There was a car accident at that same intersection. Again, I could not help worrying.

In a TV series I watched recently, someone asked, "What are you afraid of?"

I'm afraid of losing the people I love.

Rain

Every time it rains I look out the window and remember certain things.

Every time it rains I remember how someone once went out in the rain because of me.

Every time it rains......

I don't want it to rain. It's depressing.

But I don't want sunshine either. That's depressing too.

I want......

Who cares. It doesn't matter what I want. It never does.