Sunday, June 28, 2009

光明會回來了

Photobucket

Download: http://www.goomusic.com.hk/savethedate.mp3


何韻詩 - 舊約

作曲: 陳奐仁for the invisible men/ 何秉舜@goomusic
填詞: 黃偉文
編曲: 陳奐仁for the invisible men/ 何秉舜@goomusic
監製: 陳奐仁for the invisible men/ 何秉舜@goomusic/ hocc@goomusic

任何險阻也不阻我約會你
即使摧毁天與地
突然身體髮膚充滿着猛烈潛能
危急時間 有力氣

尋常的我 從來無一點 傳奇
何解今天會飛 都只因你起

捱一顆子彈 一波海嘯 兩場地震
約會約好 鐵鞋踏碎 都撐下去
攔一輛坦克 一支火箭 百人換上武裝 也無懼
誰為約定 能這麼 飽經風雨 又行雷
朝你身影 走過去
誰要阻止 不要去 我亦去

臨危想你 平凡人基因 突然
會激發絕技
夷平圍牆千里 還擒拿幾艘戰機
凌空轉體八週 再着地~

捱一顆子彈 一波海嘯 兩場地震
約會約好 鐵鞋踏碎 都撐下去
攔一輛坦克 一支火箭 百人換上武裝 也無懼
誰為約定 能這麼 飽經風雨 又行雷
忘我演出 壯舉

來一束死光 一天飛劍 兩輪疫症
要是我知 你還赴約 怎會後退
練一尊金身 一雙天眼 滿懷熱血 再險 也無懼
純為証實 人世間 生死之約 尚留傳
像鉄金剛 衝過去
誠心和你 約會去

准我舉起五噸的吊臂 為你
清出青葱一片地

Saturday, June 27, 2009

Time to shut up...

It seems I have made too many comments on someone's relationship issues, because the comments I made has now gotten her overly interested in my relationship matters...

So much so that she offered me a cigarette the other day when we walked off to talk.

And when she made the offer, I actually thought of accepting, and hesitated in saying no.

*sigh*...I am really not functioning properly these days.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Sunk

Feeling tired, stupid and useless today.

In need of a boost.
In need of a hug.
In need of a place to crash.

Yet it's impossible to get any of this.

And that makes me feel even more stupid.

*sigh*

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Somewhere in time......

Today is the 2009 Toronto New Talent Singing Awards......

I no longer take interest in this show anymore because (1) the majority of people competing speak and sing in Mandarin, which I cannot completely grasp; and (2) there hasn't been any good guest performers; and (3) this show makes my mind wander off into a million directions......

It was 5 years ago, in 2004, that I actually went to watch the show......

I spent the day at the park with K, R, C and M. We only got on to four rides in the whole day, but that was the least of my concerns. The highlight of the day, at least for me, was the performing guest at the 2004 NTSA......

HOCC.

I can still remember the awe of seeing her perform live for the first time.....*faints*

But even that is not the thing that shakes me up.

What bugs me most is a question that can never be answered......

But I believe.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Smoke in the Air

The start of a new program has brought a lot of new people into my life. vTo me, an interesting part of this was that this new group brought in a lot of smokers into my life. All my life, the people that I have had around me are not the type that would smoke and drink. Surprising as it is, this seems somewhat 'new' to me.

One person told me that she had not smoked for a long time, but the stress that has built up in these first few weeks of classes has caused her to start up again.

Why is all of this worth writing about?

Because when I heard that this girl was just starting up again, a part of me had the urge to ask her to let me try one. I have never touched a cigarette in my life, but something deep down is causing this curiosity in me.

Sometimes I think......if smoking and drinking can take away the weight in my heart even just for a while, perhaps it is worth the physical harm......because the weight I feel inside is killing me.

Of course. It's all just a thought, and I will never do it.

There was a time when X said she wanted to smoke. She told me that the reason she didn't was because I told her not to. *sigh* How could I possibly go against what I said to her?

On a different note...

While talking about smoking and music, I sent someone Chet Lam's song One Cigarette's Time. I have never smoked, but for some reason, that song has always had an effect on me. Right away, I think of some depressed person smoking in a pub, thinking of someone he/she loves. Somehow, the song brings a very clear image to my mind.

And this person's reaction to this song..."It sounds so gay." How 'interesting'.

In the song, there is a line that goes "用了一支煙的時間掛念誰..."

When I told X that I like this song, she asked me if there was someone that I was thinking of.

At the time......no, not at all. I merely liked the feeling of the song.

Ask me again now...

Yes, I am thinking of someone.
I am thinking of you.

Monday, June 15, 2009

Plans and Line-Ups

It's only been two weeks of classes and life is already starting to get hectic. Two three hour classes a day often means four to five chapters of reading a day, plus additional articles, plus assignments, plus tests. There's not enough time to do anything!

Sadly, I have already given up on reading for one or two classes. Hopefully I can survive with what I already know.

Lined up for this week......two assignments and a test.

What I wanted to do this weekend had to be pushed back. But I just realized that next Sunday is Father's Day and that I have another test the following Monday. Whether or not my plans can be carried out next weekend has come into question yet again.

There are three different people/parties that I have promised to meet up with. When and how that's going to happen is totally up in the air.

The fourth person....well...that is a different matter that requires much more time and effort.

I'm willing to keep going for as long as I need to. But some things can't wait and won't wait. There are things I need to do. Or else I will regret it.

Friday, June 12, 2009

Magic

What I thought to be lost forever has....like magic....reappeared.

=) Of course, my initial reaction is to be very happy! (And still am!)

But...being the 'idiot' that I am, my mind naturally drifts off and tries to think of the millions of things that may have happened.

What initially happened? Did you make a mistake? Did you change your mind? Did you read what I wrote? Did you mean something?......................

I can go on forever thinking about this and drive myself nuts.

If you really do know......

Thank you.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Nine Feelings

有了這九種感情,才能叫做愛情

第一種:美麗的感覺
俗話說情人眼裏出西施,所以在有愛情的時候,你一定會覺得對方最好看,即使有別的異性比你愛的對象好看,但對你而言,他才是你心中最沒的一個,而且是别人無法相比的。

第二種:親愛的感覺
當你愛上一個人,你會有種很親切的感覺,跟他在一起,你會覺得很舒服,很和諧。你可以信任并依賴他。他像是一個親密的家人,甚至可以說,比一個家人更親密,而且在這親密裏,你更體會到一份溫馨的感覺——這就是親愛的感覺。在這個愛情的國度裏,他願意包容你所有的缺點。

第三種:羨慕及尊重有感覺
一個健康的愛情關系,應當有以對方為榮的感覺,你會欣賞對方所有的一切,包括內在與外在的條件和優點,并且對方也讓你感覺,他處處以你為榮。如果這種感覺存在的話,不論他做這件事是成功或失敗,你都會欣賞他的才華,而不是重視結果。

第四種:讚許的愛情
相愛的時候,你是否喜歡誇獎對方,而且不僅是欣賞,或敷衍了事而已,你還會喜歡在他不在的時候想其他人講述他的種種好,哪怕幫你泡一碗即食麵。重要的是,你從誇獎對方的熱誠之中感到無比的快樂。

第五種:受到尊重的自尊
愛情關系可以提高一個人的自尊心,可以讓個你感覺到生活的意義,因為愛情能夠讓你發現,其實你有著無人可比的獨特性,雖然你有優點,也有缺點,但是你的獨特性使你敵後到無比的尊重,生命也因此無比的快樂。

第六種:佔有慾
愛情是絕對獨占的,是不能與他人分享其親密的男女關系,因此,當愛情從不確定走向穩定後,學要以婚姻來持續以後的日子,所以我們在結婚時彼此相約相許。在真實的愛情生活裏,活象許諾忠誠是必要的。

第七種:行動自由
如果一個人有正當的理由,他行動的自由一定要受到尊重,這樣才不會破壞兩人之間的愛情關系。愛情跟著感覺走的人雖然十分令人擔心湖泊生氣,但是對于熱愛歲性生活的人而言,限制或約束一點用都沒有,還不如給他自由,空間。他總會回來的。

第八種:深深的同情
人們對深愛的人常會有憐惜的感覺,經常會為對方考慮,如果對方受到挫折,我們會非常願意為他分擔痛苦與挫折,把對方所受的苦當作自己所遭遇的苦難一樣,或是更勝于自己的苦難,因為愛情裏,我們願意為對方而犧牲自己的利益。

第九種:生理上的性衝動
當我們在對一為異性產生興趣或是愛上某位異性時,都希望彼此有繩梯的接觸。在正式的愛情生活裏這種欲望是永遠存在的。性沖動并不是單單祇是行為,它還包括了許多其他親密的身體上的接觸,如牽手,擁抱等等,這種情感會永遠存在于愛人心中。

這是一般愛情應有的感覺,尤其是獨佔須要絕對存在,不然就不是真正的愛。

許多人都可以一心二用,但那段感情是不能長久。亦不要騙自己在對方心目中是比較重要,那是自欺欺人的事情。

如果甚麼都願意付出,就會失去自我,愛一個人是不能愛到自我也沒有,這樣的愛情,也是不會有結果的。

This is very interesting...

If you are in love, you should have these nine feelings:
1) See beauty in him/her.
2) Feel very close to him/her.
3) Admire and respect him/her.
4) Be supportive of him/her.
5) Feel respected.
6) Be, to some extent, possessive.
7) Be free to do what you want.
8) Feel sympathetic and empathetic.
9) Feel the need for physical contact.

If I say that I had all nine, and still do, would you believe me?

Intention vs Method

If you want to achieve something, how much of your time and energy should you allocate to intention and method?

My original thought: 30% intention + 70% method.

But the expert says.......100% intention, and the method will naturally fall in place.

Ok then.

I have 100% intention, no doubt. But after all this time, I still haven't been able to make the methods fall into place. Am I doing something wrong? Just when I have confirmed my intentions to myself and have decided it's the right time to take action, things have taken a step backwards. Or at least it seems that way.

100% intention is useless if you can't make things happen.

I'm trying, but will you wait for me?

Friday, June 5, 2009

Erased

With my mind still stuck on the ball game, I went to a particular blog last night because I remembered something that was written there.

But all I found at that URL was....nothing.

It's all gone.

Has there been some mistake? Have I been robbed of this last little thing too? It's not my blog, but everything there was a part of my life. How could someone just take away two year's worth of memories from me?

I feel crushed...emotionally, mentally, physically. For all of last night and today, I can feel that squeeze inside.

Has something happened that I don't know about? Have you decided to put an end to all of this and erase everything? Do you really hate me that much that you must erase me from your memory? Or is there some other reason for this?

I've held on for so long because it's all so important to me. Yet, now that I have a chance to start changing things, it seems I've been kicked out of the game for good.

*sigh*

I love you. Always did. And still do. Please...

Thursday, June 4, 2009

The Old Ball Game

Some ten to fifteen years ago, there was a period of time when I was a huge baseball fan. Somewhere in the corners of the basement, I still have autographed baseballs, bats and gloves. But like most people, as the local team seemed to be getting worse and worse, I lost interest.

For the first time in 15 years, I went to a Toronto Blue Jays game at the Rogers Centre tonight. Coincidentally, today (June 3, 2009) marked the 20th anniversary of the stadium. Sadly, they did not do anything special, except invite Avril Lavigne to throw the ceremonial first pitch.

The purpose of the night was not really the ball game or the food, but networking with alumni, upper year students and faculty. Did I achieve this goal? Perhaps. But will have to do better next time.

The night was enjoyable. Seeing as the game itself was far from interesting, we took our drinks with us and just randomly dropped in on conversations and tables. Discussions ranged from movies to politics to cocktails.

I enjoyed the night, but for the entire night, something else was going through my head......

I was 'stupid' enough to believe that maybe, just maybe, someone would also be there tonight and that maybe, just maybe, we would bump into each another.

But of course, it's all just my mind running wild.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

The Definition of "Rest"

D comes home from a long day of work and is exhausted. After dinner, D spends forever looking for a receipt so that something can be returned at a certain store. D goes to the store, but does not come back for a long time.

D finally comes back, saying that he was looking at books and magazines at the store.

M is not amused. M says, "Why would you purposely go out to return something to the store and hang around to look at books and magazines after a long day of work? Why wouldn't you wait until the weekend and just get some rest now?"

!@#$% WTF?

D went to return something that M bought and M is complaining?
D is a 50+ man and he cannot be out for longer than expected?
D cannot use his free time or rest time to do the things he wants?

I really don't understand.