The start of a new program has brought a lot of new people into my life. vTo me, an interesting part of this was that this new group brought in a lot of smokers into my life. All my life, the people that I have had around me are not the type that would smoke and drink. Surprising as it is, this seems somewhat 'new' to me.
One person told me that she had not smoked for a long time, but the stress that has built up in these first few weeks of classes has caused her to start up again.
Why is all of this worth writing about?
Because when I heard that this girl was just starting up again, a part of me had the urge to ask her to let me try one. I have never touched a cigarette in my life, but something deep down is causing this curiosity in me.
Sometimes I think......if smoking and drinking can take away the weight in my heart even just for a while, perhaps it is worth the physical harm......because the weight I feel inside is killing me.
Of course. It's all just a thought, and I will never do it.
There was a time when X said she wanted to smoke. She told me that the reason she didn't was because I told her not to. *sigh* How could I possibly go against what I said to her?
On a different note...
While talking about smoking and music, I sent someone Chet Lam's song One Cigarette's Time. I have never smoked, but for some reason, that song has always had an effect on me. Right away, I think of some depressed person smoking in a pub, thinking of someone he/she loves. Somehow, the song brings a very clear image to my mind.
And this person's reaction to this song..."It sounds so gay." How 'interesting'.
In the song, there is a line that goes "用了一支煙的時間掛念誰..."
When I told X that I like this song, she asked me if there was someone that I was thinking of.
At the time......no, not at all. I merely liked the feeling of the song.
Ask me again now...
Yes, I am thinking of someone.
I am thinking of you.
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