Karma

Lots of mixed feelings today...

A few summers ago I left for vacation in HK while X was job hunting. In an e-mail, she told me that she got the job the day after I left. I was happy for her. But what hurt was that she said she wished she could have told me directly and that I could have celebrated with her. *sigh* I felt so ashamed of myself. It seemed like I was never there with her in the good times or bad.

It's always these "small things" that kill me...

Three years later...

Today I got a job offer for the first co-op term of my masters program. Although this is co-op, it still is my first full-time position. The moment I saw the e-mail, I wished I could call X up and tell her the good news. Like X, I wished that we could have celebrated together. But, of course, that wasn't possible.

*sigh*

I've been sitting here all night and it's just so tempting to call her up or send her an e-mail. I know there won't be a reply, but a part of me believes that she will still read my message.

If only you where here...

Waiting for the Sixth Show

Sept 23rd again.

Four years ago today, I watched the At17 x Chet Lam concert with X. It was the first time that we went to an event together...

I remember she brought me a drink. And I remember giving her a hug before we left. And I remember that we were saying how it was almost impossible to find someone else to watch this show, because nobody else liked At17 or Chet Lam.

Perhaps...at this time...things were already starting to happen between us...

I said there will be a fifth show...

The fifth show passed. I was there, but could not find X.

But I'm still waiting for the sixth.

*fingers crossed*

Failed

Rejected.

I feel like an idiot. Everyone in my "clan" thought I would get the offer. And I didn't. So it just hits you that much harder.

For the first time in a long while, I could really use a hug tonight...

I should stop dreaming.

Suck it up, and keep going...as usual.

!@#$%

Ugh.

I DO NOT want to have dinner with recruiters!!!
As if the interview is not stressful enough.

*sigh*

Countdown...

First week done. Not much to do yet. But REALLY feeling the pressure...

Most of the job applications have been sent out already. Only a few more left. Got rejected by two of the Big4 and haven't heard from the smaller firms.

There's only one chance...one of the Big4.

After visiting most of the firms and talking with the people there, this is actually my favourite. So I'm happy and some what excited, but this recruitment process is really nerve wrecking.

The interview is Tuesday. That, I think I should be able to handle fairly well.

What's really getting to me is this pre-interview dinner on Monday night. Everyone who knows me will know that I am not the type of person that makes small talk or conversations, especially not with these "intimidating" professional people. So how am I going to get through this 3-hour dinner AND make a good impression? I really don't know.

*breathe*

So how important is this? Let's see. (1) I like this firm. (2) I need co-op hours to graduate. (3) Getting into the firm for co-op means I will have a high chance of being hired full-time when I graduate. OMG. Yes. It's VERY important.

If only...

Last Chance

Today is the last draw for the Super7...$21 million...

I went and bought a ticket yesterday, just to try my luck one last time. I always wanted to buy the numbers that X and I picked before, but I could never remember the exact numbers. All I can remember is that we always picked the "same type" of numbers. (And I remember laughing about the fact that we always wanted to pick the same numbers.)

At the workshop yesterday, Z mentioned that a common job interview question is "What would you do if you won the lottery?" I would give half of it to X. Because that was the promise we made. And I firmly believe that X would do the same.

I never have any luck with lotteries or raffles. Of all the times I've bought the lottery, I've never even gotten a free ticket before. So I never expect to get anything.

But who cares?

What I really want...is the ticket.

102 Minutes

Just watched "102 Minutes that Changed the World" on CBC...

911...

I remember being in class that morning and the principal coming on the PA and talking about what was going on at WTC. Totally unbelievable. At some point it was frightening because some downtown TO buildings were being evacuated as a precaution.

Even now...watching it all over again on tv makes me shake...

*salute*...to all the paramedics, firemen and police!

There was one scene when someone was calling out for people to help with first aid. That reminds me I should keep practicing my first aid, because it would be very shameful of me (a former SJA member) to not be able to help out in an emergency situation! Maybe I shouldn't have quit SJA? But then I really don't have the time to put in all the required hours.

Promise to Self: Must keep up with Standard First Aid! Hopefully, can some time advance to Medical First Responder!

blur

what AM I thinking?...

1) "mischievous" things that are going to get me in trouble...
2) I'm missing out on paintball-ing tomorrow...
3) I'm missing out on a bbq and a buffet tomorrow...
4) I need to remember to call M tomorrow...
5) I don't want to go to work tomorrow...
6) I still need to do a million job apps...
7) school is starting soon and I have 8 courses at once...
8) school is starting and I need to resume my daily drives to and from Mississauga...
9) I need to carry a fridge up three flights of stairs on sunday...
10) I want a DSLR camera, but it's $1000...

and the list goes on...

what SHOULD I be thinking...?

3-Day Rush

Ottawa, Montreal and Quebec City in three days.....is really not a good idea.

Only stayed in Ottawa for a few hours. Went to Parliament and a market thing close by. Nothing new. Been there. Done that.

Montreal. Walked around downtown a bit. Not much to see here actually. Lots of museums but we really didn't have time. The only "exciting" thing was that there was the "Festival des films du monde" and there was this large screen set up on the street just outside our hotel. Nice atmosphere.

Quebec City. Went to St. Anne Canyon, St. Anne Basilica and St. Joseph Oratory. The canyon/waterfall was pretty nice. Got some good pics. I wanted to take pics of the two churches, but for whatever reason, I always have this feeling that it's not really appropriate to take pictures inside a church. Just me.

There was one interesting (or actually, disappointing) thing that happened in Quebec City. In Old Quebec there are lots of street performers in the tourist areas. Last time I went there (2 years ago?) I wanted to buy a CD from a disabled boy who was playing the guitar. But, at the time, I couldn't remember where he was set up. This time around, we randomly did stumble to the same place. It was the same boy performing there. But...before I actually reached the place, he was already all packed up and leaving. *sigh*

煩

心煩...

Thinking about Friday again...
Trying to justify my actions again...
Feeling stupid again...

Passed by someone's house again...it's just so (in)conveniently located next to the mall...

Her place doesn't face the street. I couldn't see if the lights were on. But can't help wondering......was she there? was there someone there with her? what was she doing?

I really should keep myself busy.