While driving a friend home today, she asked me what I wanted from Christmas. I was a little surprised, because I wasn't expecting any exchange of presents. I've never had the habit of getting presents for my classmates, except for a few closer friends. But most of the time, I'd rather not give presents for the sake of giving presents. If I take you as a friend, I'll get you stuff because I think it's right for you, not just because it's Christmas.
What do I want for Christmas? Nothing. That's the answer that I've been giving for I don't know how long. The material things that I want are too expensive for friends to be giving as presents. And what I want most...nobody can buy for me.
The mention of Christmas presents made me realize that there really isn't that much time until Christmas. And that brings me to my little dilemma again. *sigh* Should I still send X a Christmas card and/or gift?
2006 I did, because that was the least I could do for her, given the situation at the time. 2007 and 2008, after a long long struggle, somebody convinced me to do so again. Now...here I am again with this question again. On the surface, I just want to send a card to show that I still care, because regardless of what happens, I will still always consider her as a friend. But somewhere deep down, I am hoping that she'll be willing to talk to me again.
What should I do? I really want to send her something to let her know I still care. But maybe she doesn't want to receive anything from me? Maybe getting things from me will upset her? Maybe...she's already with someone else?
I know I'll regret it if I don't do something. But I also know I'll regret it after I send it out.
On top of this, my conversations with someone these few days has really gotten me thinking. Perhaps she is right. It's been 3 years. Maybe it's time for me to really talk things over with X, because knowing me, I will keep holding onto this until I get some answers. A part of me is a little scared to do this though. Not because that X may say things I don't want to hear, but because of 'safety' issues. New Year's Eve seems like an unsuspecting night, but considering our history, that's probably not a good choice?!
*sigh*......What do to???
Now...I've got all these things in my mind eating away at me again.
Maybe......I'm just being a f**ken idiot.
I would say~~ do whatever you want.
ReplyDeleteIf I were u, I probably sent her a card. Sending a card doesn't mean something 'special', but to show your care, the piece of heart.
At the same time, you don't have to regret because by the definition of love, that's nothing being right or wrong.
If you have the chance to talk to her, that's a great move. Trust yourself ~~ its been awhile, and two of you should know what you are doing. If things had been past, it past. :D
Smile~~cheers~~