So somebody who knows I'm single just looked at the music I was listening to (i.e. Khalil Fong - You are the Sunshine of My Life) and asked, "Who's the sunshine of your life ar?" and then wished me a happy new year.
-_-'' 無奈。 As if my mind isn't messed up enough already.
Another person told me about something she did tonight. A big step to take, and luckily, it turned out okay. Congrats to her! And thank you for trusting me. But, again, that seems to reinforce the fact that I'm an idiot.
-_-'' Yay. Just what I needed. (But don't get me wrong, I'll always listen if you need it!)
A third person told me she's so nervous about this exam she can't sleep. So now she got up to do some more studying.
-_-'' Wonders. Thank you for reminding me I'm going to fail.
*sigh*
And tomorrow is Dec 31...
Friday, December 31, 2010
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Homecoming
The other day I saw this post 一個幸福的人 on the Adman's Rants blog. He didn't talk much about the hocc's music or the concert itself, but something perhaps even more important. His focus was on the fact that so many of hocc's family and friends were there with her, supporting her, and how she has earned the love and respect of all the people around her.
Homecoming. That's the perfect name for this concert.
Last night I watched these two videos on youtube and really got that feeling also. Which other HK artist can have such a carefree concert, mess up, laugh about it, and not be criticized? Which other HK artist can sing with their parents? Which other HK artist will bring up all her family and friends on stage? (lol...and which other HK artist can do an online live broadcast?)
Homecoming. That's the perfect name for this concert.
Congratulations.
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Big Bro
“Listen to this big bro......Believe in yourself, as I do believe in you."
There are times when people try to comfort you, and you know they are being polite and don't really mean it. And then there are times people say something, not even in person, but you can feel that they're truly sincere.
Thanks, big bro.
There are times when people try to comfort you, and you know they are being polite and don't really mean it. And then there are times people say something, not even in person, but you can feel that they're truly sincere.
Thanks, big bro.
The clock is ticking...
...and I'm slowing down.
My mind is elsewhere, thinking of other things, and it's impossible to study.
The other day I was telling someone how I love Christmas and New Years and everything. That's true, but I left out the part about how it wreaks havoc with my emotions.
Whose brilliant idea was it to put a f**ken exam on the first week of January?!
My mind is elsewhere, thinking of other things, and it's impossible to study.
The other day I was telling someone how I love Christmas and New Years and everything. That's true, but I left out the part about how it wreaks havoc with my emotions.
Whose brilliant idea was it to put a f**ken exam on the first week of January?!
Monday, December 27, 2010
Touch
Physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted today.
For some reason, the random people and couples that I saw on the streets today made me feel stupid, and lonely, and sorry for myself.
A little tlc would be nice tonight. A part of me really misses that warmth and physical intimacy. But, of course, it's impossible.
Perhaps...I just miss you too much...
='(
For some reason, the random people and couples that I saw on the streets today made me feel stupid, and lonely, and sorry for myself.
A little tlc would be nice tonight. A part of me really misses that warmth and physical intimacy. But, of course, it's impossible.
Perhaps...I just miss you too much...
='(
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Merry Christmas, Ol' Buddy!
Nothing like a bit of innocent, heart-warming Calvin and Hobbes...
It looks almost the same, except they're in bed.
If only I had found this earlier. It would have been absolutely perfect.
(Actually, I cut off the last square so it would remain warm.)
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Gifts
9:53PM on Christmas Day, and someone is still asking me what I want for Christmas, even though I've said a million times to her that I don't want anything.
This year, I've received a good amount of cash, and one non-cash gift. Cash is nice I guess. (In this case, it'll make up for the hundreds I've had to pay for the stupid exam and stupid ticket.) But honestly, I'd much rather receive an actual gift. There's not much excitement in cash, because it's highly unlikely that I'll go and make a big purchase with it. Chances are it'll go into my bank account. (Maybe I'm odd?)
But if you ask me what I want, I'll always say I don't want anything.
Or...more correctly...
There is nothing I want that anyone can buy me.
There is nothing I want that anyone can give me.
The things I want...
Only I can earn.
This year, I've received a good amount of cash, and one non-cash gift. Cash is nice I guess. (In this case, it'll make up for the hundreds I've had to pay for the stupid exam and stupid ticket.) But honestly, I'd much rather receive an actual gift. There's not much excitement in cash, because it's highly unlikely that I'll go and make a big purchase with it. Chances are it'll go into my bank account. (Maybe I'm odd?)
But if you ask me what I want, I'll always say I don't want anything.
Or...more correctly...
There is nothing I want that anyone can buy me.
There is nothing I want that anyone can give me.
The things I want...
Only I can earn.
Friday, December 24, 2010
Christmas Lights
Christmas night, another fight.
Tears we cried; a flood.
Got all kinds of poison in, poison in my blood.
Took my feet, to Oxford street, trying to right a wrong.
"Just walk away", those windows say, but I can't believe she's gone.
When you're still waiting for the snow to fall,
It doesn't really feel like Christmas at all.
A group of cameras on there flicker, Oh they flicker and they flow.
And I'm up here holding on to all those chandeliers of hope.
Like some drunkard Elvis singing, I go singing out of tune.
Singing how I always loved you darling, and I always will.
Oh when I'm still waiting for the snow to fall,
It doesn't really feel like Christmas at all.
Still waiting for the snow to fall, It doesn't really feel like Christmas at all.
Those Christmas lights,
Light up the street,
Down where the sea and city meet.
May all your troubles soon be gone.
Oh Christmas lights, keep shining on.
Those Christmas lights, light up the street.
Maybe they'll bring her back to me.
Then all my troubles will be gone,
Oh Christmas lights, keep shining on.
Ohhhhohhhhoohhhohhhhhhhhooohohohohhhhhh
Oh Christmas lights, light up the street.
Light up the fireworks in me.
May all your troubles soon be gone.
Those Christmas lights, keep shining on.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
For some reason, the lights just don't seem as bright and pretty as they used to...
For some reason, I scrolled down to your name on my msn list tonight. For the first time in I don't know how long, I noticed that you changed your nickname. That familiar name that I came to know since the beginning is no longer there. But, at least that lets me know that maybe you still do use that account. It's just that I'll never know if you're there or not.
Tonight I said a little prayer for you...
Because that means a lot to me...
Because that's something important that we shared...
Because that's the least I can do for you.
I can guess that you'll go to church tonight...
Or spend it with the significant other in your life...
Merry Christmas, my dear friend...wherever you are...
God bless.
[.........]
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
12/22
Except for the horrendous amounts of people at the mall, it really doesn't feel like Christmas.
I've received one non-cash gift.
I'm sitting here studying.
I'm starting to get sick.
Life's great.
It suddenly occurs to me that today is December 22. And along with that comes a rather horrible memory.
It suddenly occurs to me that it's been a week since I mailed my card. It should have arrived at it's destination.
I wonder...
Don't think.
Don't feel.
That's the way to get through life.
I've received one non-cash gift.
I'm sitting here studying.
I'm starting to get sick.
Life's great.
It suddenly occurs to me that today is December 22. And along with that comes a rather horrible memory.
It suddenly occurs to me that it's been a week since I mailed my card. It should have arrived at it's destination.
I wonder...
Don't think.
Don't feel.
That's the way to get through life.
Saturday, December 18, 2010
5 of 7
Term 5 of 7 is officially done. Only 2 more terms left. Four months of work and three months of school, and that'll complete my degree. Kinda scary. Hopefully everything will be okay. I can't afford to mess up on anything, because that will also disqualify me from writing this upcoming exam. The 'funny' thing is, we'll never know if we're actually eligible until after we write it. If only the profs could be a little more efficient.
Work is also done for the year. The boss is going away on vacation next week. Once again, I'll be the one doing the regular checks on his office while he's gone. The big thing this time is that his heating system is at risk of breaking down. Fingers crossed that nothing will happen while he's gone! And thanks to the doc for a great big Christmas present, as usual. The greatest boss ever.
My holidays officially start. Meaning my studying marathon also officially starts. Somehow, I need to relearn everything I should have learned these past two years in two weeks. x_x This is gonna be lots of fun. I'm still reluctant to start studying, because I really do need a bit of a break. But the pressure really is on this time. Failing this exam means screwing up the integration with the program, means postponing the rest of the CA path, and means possibly losing the full-time job I've tentatively secured. I really gotta do this.
Tonight's plans got cancelled. I guess that's not so bad. Too bad there are other people at home tonight. I really could use some time alone. The irony is that I want some time alone, but once I get it, my mind gets flooded with thoughts, which is also not a good thing.
For the first time in many years, we actually put up a Christmas tree. But looking at that tree, I don't feel anything. I used to love Christmas, because of the warm and happy atmosphere everywhere. But now it really doesn't matter anymore. Christmas or not, it's all the same.
Thank goodness I'll be buried in my books throughout the holidays.
Work is also done for the year. The boss is going away on vacation next week. Once again, I'll be the one doing the regular checks on his office while he's gone. The big thing this time is that his heating system is at risk of breaking down. Fingers crossed that nothing will happen while he's gone! And thanks to the doc for a great big Christmas present, as usual. The greatest boss ever.
My holidays officially start. Meaning my studying marathon also officially starts. Somehow, I need to relearn everything I should have learned these past two years in two weeks. x_x This is gonna be lots of fun. I'm still reluctant to start studying, because I really do need a bit of a break. But the pressure really is on this time. Failing this exam means screwing up the integration with the program, means postponing the rest of the CA path, and means possibly losing the full-time job I've tentatively secured. I really gotta do this.
Tonight's plans got cancelled. I guess that's not so bad. Too bad there are other people at home tonight. I really could use some time alone. The irony is that I want some time alone, but once I get it, my mind gets flooded with thoughts, which is also not a good thing.
For the first time in many years, we actually put up a Christmas tree. But looking at that tree, I don't feel anything. I used to love Christmas, because of the warm and happy atmosphere everywhere. But now it really doesn't matter anymore. Christmas or not, it's all the same.
Thank goodness I'll be buried in my books throughout the holidays.
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
With Every Wish for a Happy Holiday.....
I took a long time to think about what I wanted to write, but in the end, there was only two very simple lines. After putting it down in ink, I started to regret it already, because there's so much more that I actually want to say. But sometimes, maybe less is more, and this is as far as I can go.
The last time I sent something, I included my business card, but did not write anything more. It was my way of telling my story without any words. Perhaps that's the best way.
I really wanted to write about all the things going on in my life right now. I really wanted to ask how things are. I really wanted to ask for prayers and good wishes.
But most of all, I just want to show that I care.
This morning I sealed the envelope and dropped it into the mail. It should be on its way now. Hopefully, the receiver will still smile upon receiving it.
Hope that you are safe, healthy and happy.
Merry Christmas, my dear friend.
[...........]
The last time I sent something, I included my business card, but did not write anything more. It was my way of telling my story without any words. Perhaps that's the best way.
I really wanted to write about all the things going on in my life right now. I really wanted to ask how things are. I really wanted to ask for prayers and good wishes.
But most of all, I just want to show that I care.
This morning I sealed the envelope and dropped it into the mail. It should be on its way now. Hopefully, the receiver will still smile upon receiving it.
Hope that you are safe, healthy and happy.
Merry Christmas, my dear friend.
[...........]
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Weekend Chats
Before I get started studying for the rest of my exams, I just had to take a note of all these 'awesome' conversations I've had or heard this weekend......
The conversation between the two girls that I'll be working with in January.....
R: So what are you guys doing over the holidays?S: I'm going to Montreal and Vancouver.
R: Nice! Montreal has hot French guys!
S: Really? That's what I've heard. Are they really cute?
R: Yea, the guys are cute.
S: What about the girls?
R: I don't know. I don't notice girls.
S: Oh. Cuz I've never had experience with a guy before.
(Am I reading too much into this or what? I think S actually admitted something, but I didn't hear that part too clearly. And they were a bit drunk. lol.)
Phone call with my friend/classmate....
M: I feel so confused! I still don't get the JV stuff.
Me: Umm....I haven't looked at it yet.
M: I spent so much time on it, but I still don't get it.
Me: Umm....I'll call you back after I read it.
M: I'm so screwed for the exam tomorrow.
Me: Umm.....the exam's not tomorrow, it's Tuesday.
M: What???.....No....it's tomorrow.
Me: No, it's Tuesday. Didn't you check the schedule?
M: What? No. I assumed it's on Monday.
Me: Ah....no.
M: Oh. Alright. Then I'm gonna go relax a bit.
(lol...and J also thought it was tomorrow. What's wrong with everyone?)
lol....time to start studying.
Friday, December 10, 2010
Snowy Days
Watching the snow...
Thinking of you...
Thinking of the times I sat on your sofa...
With you by my side...
With a cup of tea that you made me...
With the TV muted...
Watching the snow fall...
Silence...
Warmth...
Peace.
That's all I really want.
"Group"
My last assignment for the term has just been sent out.
It was a group assignment...but my group is mostly nonexistent.
I've been working on this since 11am (yesterday).
I've spent 8 hours editing.
I've re-written half the paper.
Some group.
I know the references are a mess and we'll get docked for it, but at this point, the format is totally over my head and I really don't care anymore. So they were relying on me to do it. But seriously, I've done 10x more than my share. Blame someone else.
Hopefully, the person who is responsible for printing and handing it in at 9am will at least go and do that.
FML
It was a group assignment...but my group is mostly nonexistent.
I've been working on this since 11am (yesterday).
I've spent 8 hours editing.
I've re-written half the paper.
Some group.
I know the references are a mess and we'll get docked for it, but at this point, the format is totally over my head and I really don't care anymore. So they were relying on me to do it. But seriously, I've done 10x more than my share. Blame someone else.
Hopefully, the person who is responsible for printing and handing it in at 9am will at least go and do that.
FML
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Flashback
Passed by the gym this morning where all the undergrads were writing exams...
Thought of the times when I was one of them.....
Walking to Varisty Arena or the AC and having to wait outside in the cold...
Having to figure out which of the four sections I was supposed to be at...
(They always used NE, NW, SE, SW, just to confuse everyone.)
Choosing a seat towards the back corner, because I hate having people behind me...
Always being in some stupid hall that didn't have a clock...
Feeling defeated after the exam....
Taking a walk in the wintry streets downtown before heading to the subway.....
Then and now...
Everything's so different.
But everything's still the same.
Thought of the times when I was one of them.....
Walking to Varisty Arena or the AC and having to wait outside in the cold...
Having to figure out which of the four sections I was supposed to be at...
(They always used NE, NW, SE, SW, just to confuse everyone.)
Choosing a seat towards the back corner, because I hate having people behind me...
Always being in some stupid hall that didn't have a clock...
Feeling defeated after the exam....
Taking a walk in the wintry streets downtown before heading to the subway.....
Then and now...
Everything's so different.
But everything's still the same.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Speechless
Every time, it seems like there is less and less for me to write. It's not that I have nothing to say, but I'm afraid that what I really want to say will be too much. What I can say, I've already done so. So is there nothing left for me to write?
Rationally, I'm never hoping for anything or expecting anything. All I want to do is show that I care, because I really do. Emotionally, a part of me is hoping for a miracle.
Maybe I'm being annoying?
Maybe I'm sending the wrong message?
Maybe I'm causing trouble?
Maybe...I shouldn't be doing this at all...?
*sigh*
Running out of time...
What to do?
Rationally, I'm never hoping for anything or expecting anything. All I want to do is show that I care, because I really do. Emotionally, a part of me is hoping for a miracle.
Maybe I'm being annoying?
Maybe I'm sending the wrong message?
Maybe I'm causing trouble?
Maybe...I shouldn't be doing this at all...?
*sigh*
Running out of time...
What to do?
Somewhere Out There...
With all the cartoons going up on fb over the weekend in support of the child abuse campaign, I thought of this again.
It doesn't draw up that many childhood memories, but something else.
It's about pain.
It's about love.
It's about faith.
Believe...even if you can't see it.
Perhaps I will never know and never see.
But there are things I firmly believe.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
A part of me...
Heard this old old S Club 7 song on the radio today. I remember at one point in time, I liked this song. But today, for the first time, after having heard it a million times, I actually noticed what the lyrics say.
Kind of ironic that this song comes to me at this time. The video is very wintry and sort of Christmas-ish. And these few days I've been trying to figure out what to write in this card I'm about to send out.
These lyrics...say so much of what I wish I could write/say...
I never had a dream come true
Till that day that I found you
Even though I pretend that I've moved on
You'll always be my baby
I never found the words to say
You're the one I think about each day
And I know no matter where love takes me to
A part of me will always be with you
Who?
Lover?
Someone special?
Friend?
Stranger?
Who are you to me?
I have an answer somewhere inside.
But who was I to you?
And who am I to you now?
Someone special?
Friend?
Stranger?
Who are you to me?
I have an answer somewhere inside.
But who was I to you?
And who am I to you now?
Friday, December 3, 2010
C AllStar - 天梯
There seems to be a lot of hype around this song lately...
It's a nice song and video I guess.
Looking at something like this makes me feel like a coward. What am I afraid of? Why am I not doing anything? Do I love you enough?
................
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Me and My "Bad" Driving...
My family has had such bad luck with driving these two years. So many things gone wrong.
In all the eight years that I've been driving, nothing happened until last year.
The first one last summer was my fault. I admit.
The second one I still don't get.
The third one was stupid.
And now a fourth one...which I think is really unfair and am very pissed about!!!
WHY???
(And now my mind is totally elsewhere and is never going to focus on this quiz and exam I have tomorrow. F**k.)
In all the eight years that I've been driving, nothing happened until last year.
The first one last summer was my fault. I admit.
The second one I still don't get.
The third one was stupid.
And now a fourth one...which I think is really unfair and am very pissed about!!!
WHY???
(And now my mind is totally elsewhere and is never going to focus on this quiz and exam I have tomorrow. F**k.)
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
After the Cake...
Today was M's bday. I made a card, bought a cake, and paid for dinner.
There was no present. There usually never is, unless I know very specifically that there is something she wants or needs. But everything I did, I truly meant, with all my heart, and just wanted to make her happy.
M seemed happy and satisfied with it.
But...a part of me can't help but wonder...what is she really thinking when I do all these things for her? Is she really happy that I care? Or does she still think that I'm doing things to compensate or hide something? In the end, perhaps everything I do amounts to nothing.
Monday, November 29, 2010
Thanks...Continued
Thanks...again...
To the person that remembered me, and thought of me, and took the time to send me some words of encouragement before rushing off to the airport to catch a flight.
Have a safe and enjoyable trip. Relax, have fun, and get some much needed rest.
Hopefully, when you get back, we'll both be in better times.
To the person that remembered me, and thought of me, and took the time to send me some words of encouragement before rushing off to the airport to catch a flight.
Have a safe and enjoyable trip. Relax, have fun, and get some much needed rest.
Hopefully, when you get back, we'll both be in better times.
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Thanks
"Thanks"....
To the people who have piled work on me this weekend.
To the people who complain to me when I'm doing more than my share.
To the people who love to bug me at the worst times.
Thanks...
To the people who are willing to share the work load.
To the people who kept me company today.
To the people who keep me going.
Friday, November 26, 2010
Another Friday Night...
...at home working.
Seeing as this week I've had a quiz, and a midterm, and meetings after class every day, I was hoping to take a break and 'run away' for a few hours. But, obviously, seeing as I'm typing this right now, that plan failed.
I hate working on Friday nights. I'd rather work over the weekend than work Friday night. But here I am because I probably won't survive if I don't sacrifice my fun time.
So for this weekend, in addition to working tomorrow and class on Sunday......
1) Prep for tonight's meeting
2) Skype meeting @ 9:30pm tonight
3) Prep for tax meeting
4) Edit the 37-page audit paper
5) Write my part of the other audit paper
6) Study for audit exam
...all of which need to be completed by Monday.
Lovely.
The plan...is to finish all of 1-5 tonight...because I need as much time as possible to do 6.
But the sight of that 37-page paper that has crap formatting and content that I have never read tells me my plan will likely fail. As usual.
(And now I've wasted a whole ten minutes writing this instead of doing all those other things.)
Seeing as this week I've had a quiz, and a midterm, and meetings after class every day, I was hoping to take a break and 'run away' for a few hours. But, obviously, seeing as I'm typing this right now, that plan failed.
I hate working on Friday nights. I'd rather work over the weekend than work Friday night. But here I am because I probably won't survive if I don't sacrifice my fun time.
So for this weekend, in addition to working tomorrow and class on Sunday......
1) Prep for tonight's meeting
2) Skype meeting @ 9:30pm tonight
3) Prep for tax meeting
4) Edit the 37-page audit paper
5) Write my part of the other audit paper
6) Study for audit exam
...all of which need to be completed by Monday.
Lovely.
The plan...is to finish all of 1-5 tonight...because I need as much time as possible to do 6.
But the sight of that 37-page paper that has crap formatting and content that I have never read tells me my plan will likely fail. As usual.
(And now I've wasted a whole ten minutes writing this instead of doing all those other things.)
Split
Certain events and conversations today made me realize, once again, how worried M is. And it's quite disturbing.
Feeling helpless, because I can't do anything to help her and I don't even know how to respond to what she says.
On top of that, I feel guilty. Despite all the doubts and insecurities she must have about me, I am still the person that she trusts most. But the reality is that I am still constantly lying to her.
But what else can I do?
Feeling helpless, because I can't do anything to help her and I don't even know how to respond to what she says.
On top of that, I feel guilty. Despite all the doubts and insecurities she must have about me, I am still the person that she trusts most. But the reality is that I am still constantly lying to her.
But what else can I do?
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Presentation Matters
Call me picky, but the formating on this REALLY annoys me...
There's no indents.
There's no spacing between sections.
The spacing that is there is wrong.
You can't see where the headings are.
It's all one big blob.
It's not presentable.
It's not okay.
WTF???
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Tax
This is the reason why studying tax is an absolute pain......
Every sentence is impossible to understand.
Every other word in each section needs to be defined in another section.
Looking up one thing leads you to a million other sections.
In the end, you spend more time looking up things and flipping through pages than actually understanding and doing tax.
Now...time to study for that tax quiz......
(Somebody just called me to find out what's on tomorrow's quiz. And I previously called someone else to find out what's on the quiz. Look how clueless we all are. =P)
Monday, November 22, 2010
Fast Forward
Aside from the big exam I need to write, I'm looking forward to January. (Yes, already.) The 4-month work term is gonna be my 'vacation time', and this time around there's a lot of things I want to do...
First off, it looks like I'm going to continue my part-time job for longer than anticipated. Originally, I told my boss I would work until the end of the year. But it seems that he forgot I told him that! lol. In that case, I've decided to work an extra two months, until the end of February. Hopefully, my co-op firm won't need me on the weekends until March, so that things will work out as planned.
Currently, I'm looking at a TA position. The course is a business x science course, so that seems to be perfect for me. Not very confident about marking papers at this point, but I want to apply anyway. It's good pay, and something I can do at home. Honestly, I'm in this for the money, because I know I'll be spending a lot on courses and exams in the next year. Every little bit helps. And putting another thing on my resume is always good.
Last year I took on weekly swimming during the work term. Hopefully, this year, I'm gonna do that again. But on top of that, I'm looking to seriously pick up that guitar that's been sitting in my room collecting dust. Maybe take a course from one of the community centers or something. All I need is something very basic to get me started. After that, I can probably figure it out on my own.
This past week, a bunch of us started talking about the possibility of a trip to Montreal or Quebec or something. Not sure if we can do that, but I'd really like to go somewhere for a 2 or 3-day trip with all my buddies. Or perhaps a ski trip would be good also. (Except I can't ski.)
The big thing I really want to do is seriously plan and start an online business. This is something we've been talking about in the family for a long time. The main objective isn't really to make money, but to try and continue what's already been started. Since nobody else has been proactive in this, I want to take this into my own hands and do something about it. I really have no idea how to go about doing this, but I'll figure out something.
lol....it's like I'm writing my new year's resolution...but whatever.
Can't wait until January! (After Jan 5, after the exam, that is. =P)
But first, need to survive December, which is never easy.....
Exams are bad....and the things that the holidays do to my emotions are even worse.......
First off, it looks like I'm going to continue my part-time job for longer than anticipated. Originally, I told my boss I would work until the end of the year. But it seems that he forgot I told him that! lol. In that case, I've decided to work an extra two months, until the end of February. Hopefully, my co-op firm won't need me on the weekends until March, so that things will work out as planned.
Currently, I'm looking at a TA position. The course is a business x science course, so that seems to be perfect for me. Not very confident about marking papers at this point, but I want to apply anyway. It's good pay, and something I can do at home. Honestly, I'm in this for the money, because I know I'll be spending a lot on courses and exams in the next year. Every little bit helps. And putting another thing on my resume is always good.
Last year I took on weekly swimming during the work term. Hopefully, this year, I'm gonna do that again. But on top of that, I'm looking to seriously pick up that guitar that's been sitting in my room collecting dust. Maybe take a course from one of the community centers or something. All I need is something very basic to get me started. After that, I can probably figure it out on my own.
This past week, a bunch of us started talking about the possibility of a trip to Montreal or Quebec or something. Not sure if we can do that, but I'd really like to go somewhere for a 2 or 3-day trip with all my buddies. Or perhaps a ski trip would be good also. (Except I can't ski.)
The big thing I really want to do is seriously plan and start an online business. This is something we've been talking about in the family for a long time. The main objective isn't really to make money, but to try and continue what's already been started. Since nobody else has been proactive in this, I want to take this into my own hands and do something about it. I really have no idea how to go about doing this, but I'll figure out something.
lol....it's like I'm writing my new year's resolution...but whatever.
Can't wait until January! (After Jan 5, after the exam, that is. =P)
But first, need to survive December, which is never easy.....
Exams are bad....and the things that the holidays do to my emotions are even worse.......
Sunday, November 21, 2010
The Same Old Route
Every time there's a lot of traffic on the DVP, I take an alternate route home. The only reason I know of this route is because of X. She would always take this route to avoid traffic on our way home. It's a nicer route than the DVP, passing by a lot of interesting places. A little more exciting than the highway.
It wasn't until a few years ago that I drove on this route myself. She had never told me where exactly she was driving, but somewhere inside, I knew where to go.
Along the route......
Cemetery - I always noticed this cemetery when I sat in X's car. It reminded me of that first time we hung out together.
Post Road - I remember she told me that this was a dead end road. But I have yet to find out what's at that dead end.
Millwood Road - A tiny residential street along the way. I always thought it was crazy that the speed limit there is 30 km/h, but it would be a pretty nice place to live.
Bakery - X once pointed out this bakery to me, saying that their stuff is pretty good. I have yet to try it.
For whatever reason, I noticed the name of the bakery today. Epi Breads. But somehow, I have the feeling that it wasn't called that before. The sign just looked kinda different.
Every time I "re-visit" things, I notice how much things have changed....
Have I changed also?
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Independence = Emotionless
The isolated space within a car seems to be a very good place for some serious conversations......
Every now and then, I drive one of my friends home. Every time, we have very nice (i.e. meaningful) conversations. For whatever reason, she seems to really trust me, and we always end up having these private conversations in my car. Today was no exception. The interesting part is that everything she told me today were all things that I could relate to...
Apparently, our jap friend, K, told R that she is too independent, to the point that she seems to be emotionless, and that she should And now R is quite concerned about this comment. She also mentioned that there have been other cases where people seem to think that she doesn't care about the people around her enough.
I was really surprised when R told me this, because from my point of view, R is definitely the nicest person in our class. (And the cutest! lol) Why would anyone think that she's not caring enough?!?! I really do not understand.
But the truth is...I know exactly what she means. Because that's exactly what people think of me.
For whatever reason, most people seem to think I'm quite invincible. (Is that good or bad?) I can somehow handle everything on my own. And I never get tired or upset or anything. On top of that, I never really ask people personal questions, or show interest in their personal lives, so people think I don't care. And thus, people see me as cold and emotionless.
Am I really like that? I explained to R what I think about her/my situation, and she totally agrees with me.
I am independent because I have to be, because I choose to be. I am the eldest child in the family, and the most highly educated. In many ways, everyone else depends on me for a lot of things. With that level of responsibility, you eventually learn to handle heavy loads, to deal with problems, to work things out on your own, to put on a brave face. And during that process, you also learn that you need to push away your emotions so that they don't interfere with the more important things.
But that doesn't mean I'm emotionless and uncaring.
I never ask people personal questions, but that doesn't mean I don't care. I do care, but I might not show it too obviously. I never dig into people's personal matters because I think that invades their private space. If they trust you and want to share something personal with you, they will tell you without you asking. There are some people that I know are willing to share their matters with me. With those people, I will be more direct and ask about their stuff. But with others, I care, but I don't want to make them uncomfortable by asking questions that they may or may not want to answer.
I am not emotionless. In fact, I suspect I am more emotional than a lot of people. It's just that most people will never see my emotional side because I choose not to show it openly. Unless I really trust you, you'll never see the emotional me. Perhaps, that is partly because the emotional matters are not things that can be shared openly. If I get emotional, people will start asking questions, and I don't have answers because there are things that I cannot reveal.
Somewhere in this conversation, R mentioned that her bf thought that she wasn't caring enough. At that point, I wanted to to say something about my situation with my ex. But at that split second, it occurred to me that if I said anything about an ex, R would probably go on to ask about my relationship issues. I immediately changed what I was about to say, because I know that if I go on talking about my ex, I'll mess up somewhere and reveal that my ex was a girl.
I know I can trust R. And I think that she wouldn't react badly even if I did tell her my ex was a girl. But a part of me just doesn't have the courage to do it.
Some day...
Every now and then, I drive one of my friends home. Every time, we have very nice (i.e. meaningful) conversations. For whatever reason, she seems to really trust me, and we always end up having these private conversations in my car. Today was no exception. The interesting part is that everything she told me today were all things that I could relate to...
Apparently, our jap friend, K, told R that she is too independent, to the point that she seems to be emotionless, and that she should And now R is quite concerned about this comment. She also mentioned that there have been other cases where people seem to think that she doesn't care about the people around her enough.
I was really surprised when R told me this, because from my point of view, R is definitely the nicest person in our class. (And the cutest! lol) Why would anyone think that she's not caring enough?!?! I really do not understand.
But the truth is...I know exactly what she means. Because that's exactly what people think of me.
For whatever reason, most people seem to think I'm quite invincible. (Is that good or bad?) I can somehow handle everything on my own. And I never get tired or upset or anything. On top of that, I never really ask people personal questions, or show interest in their personal lives, so people think I don't care. And thus, people see me as cold and emotionless.
Am I really like that? I explained to R what I think about her/my situation, and she totally agrees with me.
I am independent because I have to be, because I choose to be. I am the eldest child in the family, and the most highly educated. In many ways, everyone else depends on me for a lot of things. With that level of responsibility, you eventually learn to handle heavy loads, to deal with problems, to work things out on your own, to put on a brave face. And during that process, you also learn that you need to push away your emotions so that they don't interfere with the more important things.
But that doesn't mean I'm emotionless and uncaring.
I never ask people personal questions, but that doesn't mean I don't care. I do care, but I might not show it too obviously. I never dig into people's personal matters because I think that invades their private space. If they trust you and want to share something personal with you, they will tell you without you asking. There are some people that I know are willing to share their matters with me. With those people, I will be more direct and ask about their stuff. But with others, I care, but I don't want to make them uncomfortable by asking questions that they may or may not want to answer.
I am not emotionless. In fact, I suspect I am more emotional than a lot of people. It's just that most people will never see my emotional side because I choose not to show it openly. Unless I really trust you, you'll never see the emotional me. Perhaps, that is partly because the emotional matters are not things that can be shared openly. If I get emotional, people will start asking questions, and I don't have answers because there are things that I cannot reveal.
Somewhere in this conversation, R mentioned that her bf thought that she wasn't caring enough. At that point, I wanted to to say something about my situation with my ex. But at that split second, it occurred to me that if I said anything about an ex, R would probably go on to ask about my relationship issues. I immediately changed what I was about to say, because I know that if I go on talking about my ex, I'll mess up somewhere and reveal that my ex was a girl.
I know I can trust R. And I think that she wouldn't react badly even if I did tell her my ex was a girl. But a part of me just doesn't have the courage to do it.
Some day...
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Evidence
Parking tickets are fascinating.
By parking ticket, I don't mean the ones you get when you park illegally. I mean the ones you put on your dash after you've paid for your parking.
As strange as it may be, I have a thing for these parking tickets. Why? They are a memory of where I was during a certain period of time. It has the date, time, duration, location, cost, logos. And if you're lucky, the back sometimes has ads from that certain time and place. All the information you need.
All you have to do is remember the who and the why. Who were you there with? And why were you there?
Or...
Maybe I'm just a little crazy and trying to hold on to the past?
I know I can't hold on to time, so the next best thing is something from the moment.
Monday, November 15, 2010
無名。詩
My limited edition 無名。詩 puzzle and CD!!!
It came...two weeks ago...
I'm not sure how or why I let it sit in my closet for two weeks before opening it. That's totally weird considering I should be super excited about it. But then again, it's never been the same these few years. There's nobody to share the excitement with. I guess there's a bunch of people around me who like hocc. But nobody's as 'crazy' about it as I am. Or at least nobody looks at it the same way I do.
The actual product is really nice, so I guess my $50 CDN was worth it. It's record sized and really thick. Really nice to hold. It even has a plastic cover to protect it. Unfortunately, some of the promotional writing on the cover seems to have rubbed off while it was shipped here. So it's less than perfect. (But I guess that's not as the time I accidentally ripped the gold sticker on one of the other albums. =P)
Surprisingly, there's very little inside. Basically, it's a stiff, folding cardboard 'case', which also serves as the puzzle's frame. Other than the CD, the only additional thing is a very thin paper which has a pic on one side and the lyrics and credits on the other. It's kinda weird not to see all the promotional content. And weird that there is no fan club registration form.
Of course, the fun (and expensive) part of this is the puzzle. But what's more interesting is that the CD is hidden under the puzzle. Meaning you have to take apart the puzzle to take it out. Clever! But that also means that I will probably never take the CD out. Or more correctly, I'll never even know that the CD is actually there. But at this point, I'd rather keep it in mint condition. So in a sense, I buy all these things for the sake of collecting, for the sake of owning it. (That's probably bad?!)
And look what I just found on ebay....how tempting...
And look what else is on sale on the goomusic website today...even more tempting!!!
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Blog Stats
Clicking through Blogger, I noticed that there is now a stats tab. It seems to basically show the same info as Google Analytics, but the info doesn't seem entirely correct. But it was still interesting.
I have never openly shared this blog in any way, even though it is public. As far as I know, it doesn't link back to anything that would reveal my real identity. The only time I share is when people ask if I blog and I deem that person trustworthy. As far as I remember, I've really only revealed it to less than five people.
I guess there was one time that I intentionally tried to let someone know this is my blog. Originally, there was a purpose for this blog. Hence the title and description. I'm not so sure that goal has been met. But I guess it doesn't make a difference.
For the 3+ years I've had this blog, most visitors have come from the Netherlands. I do not know anyone from the Netherlands. And I don't see how anything I've written is particularly relevant to the Netherlands. Strange, but minor.
What caught my attention was the most popular pages or posts. Of the top ten with most visits, eight were recent posts. That's understandable. But interestingly, the following two posts were among the top ten:
Convocation
Uninvited Guest
Both posts I wrote on the day of my convocation, a day significant to me for all the wrong reasons.
Of the 500+ posts, why these two? Just in time to remind me of something that I 'must' do between now and next year's convocation...
Will I really be able to do it?
I wonder what sort of random people stumble onto my pointless blog...
I have never openly shared this blog in any way, even though it is public. As far as I know, it doesn't link back to anything that would reveal my real identity. The only time I share is when people ask if I blog and I deem that person trustworthy. As far as I remember, I've really only revealed it to less than five people.
I guess there was one time that I intentionally tried to let someone know this is my blog. Originally, there was a purpose for this blog. Hence the title and description. I'm not so sure that goal has been met. But I guess it doesn't make a difference.
For the 3+ years I've had this blog, most visitors have come from the Netherlands. I do not know anyone from the Netherlands. And I don't see how anything I've written is particularly relevant to the Netherlands. Strange, but minor.
What caught my attention was the most popular pages or posts. Of the top ten with most visits, eight were recent posts. That's understandable. But interestingly, the following two posts were among the top ten:
Convocation
Uninvited Guest
Both posts I wrote on the day of my convocation, a day significant to me for all the wrong reasons.
Of the 500+ posts, why these two? Just in time to remind me of something that I 'must' do between now and next year's convocation...
Will I really be able to do it?
I wonder what sort of random people stumble onto my pointless blog...
Crash and Burn
Tonight I'm thinking of a time when I skipped my shift and went to X's house instead...
Spent most of the day relaxing at her place...lying around...watching tv...listening to her voice...sleeping...cuddling...
(with our two little monkeys too...)
Resting...for real...for once...in the comfort and safety of each other...
And then I woke up to that perfect cup of tea that she makes for me...
There's nothing more relaxing...
Every time I pass by the building I still look up to the window and wish I could be there again, because I still cannot find anything that is even close to matching it.
If there was somewhere for me to go, and someone for me to be with, I would skip the $150 class that I have tomorrow to rest and relax.
Because I really am that tired...physically, mentally, emotionally.
But there isn't.
So I'm gonna continue burning myself out, because I don't know how else to numb myself.
Spent most of the day relaxing at her place...lying around...watching tv...listening to her voice...sleeping...cuddling...
(with our two little monkeys too...)
Resting...for real...for once...in the comfort and safety of each other...
And then I woke up to that perfect cup of tea that she makes for me...
There's nothing more relaxing...
Every time I pass by the building I still look up to the window and wish I could be there again, because I still cannot find anything that is even close to matching it.
If there was somewhere for me to go, and someone for me to be with, I would skip the $150 class that I have tomorrow to rest and relax.
Because I really am that tired...physically, mentally, emotionally.
But there isn't.
So I'm gonna continue burning myself out, because I don't know how else to numb myself.
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Lost and Found
It was really foggy tonight...
I thought it was kind of interesting that S and R were so concerned about going home in the fog and not being able to see clearly. It's just a little fog. What's the big deal?
I kinda liked it...
Perhaps my thoughts are too hazy to begin with...
If I could be a little more carefree, I would have liked to take a walk in the foggy night...to the middle of nowhere...for no reason...
Just because...
Because sometimes being lost is easier than being found.
I thought it was kind of interesting that S and R were so concerned about going home in the fog and not being able to see clearly. It's just a little fog. What's the big deal?
I kinda liked it...
Perhaps my thoughts are too hazy to begin with...
If I could be a little more carefree, I would have liked to take a walk in the foggy night...to the middle of nowhere...for no reason...
Just because...
Because sometimes being lost is easier than being found.
Friday, November 12, 2010
Empty Pages
Tired.
In pain.
Frustrated.
Lost for words tonight...
But somewhere, it's written...
And maybe, someone will read it...
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Mind Games...
A lot of things going on lately are making me quite paranoid.
Another comment by my mom today has gotten me nervous again.
First the apparent freedom.
Then the suspicious tone.
And now the casual mention.
At a time when I am seriously considering some mischievous acts for the upcoming holidays, I don't know what to make of all this.
Why can't we just all be open and honest about it all?
I tried. Back then, I genuinely thought that maybe if you could understand my perspective that we could work things out. For once, I was brutally honest and told you everything. But you wouldn't accept.
What are you thinking?
Where do we stand?
How far can I go?
Another comment by my mom today has gotten me nervous again.
First the apparent freedom.
Then the suspicious tone.
And now the casual mention.
At a time when I am seriously considering some mischievous acts for the upcoming holidays, I don't know what to make of all this.
Why can't we just all be open and honest about it all?
I tried. Back then, I genuinely thought that maybe if you could understand my perspective that we could work things out. For once, I was brutally honest and told you everything. But you wouldn't accept.
What are you thinking?
Where do we stand?
How far can I go?
Trudging on...
It's my week off...
But I'm tired.
And I can't eat.
And my jaw is swollen.
And I have a sh*t load of work to do.
And people want to give more than my share.
To the rest of the world, I'm the one that never falls. I'm always the last one standing. And maybe it is true that I can handle a lot more than most people. But it's tiring.
At times like this, I really could use a bit of tlc.
At times like this, I wish I could go back to my haven.
At times like this, sometimes I really do wish I wasn't single.
Dream on...
Suck it up.
Keep going.
(It must be the fact that it's getting close to the end of the year. A lot of things are coming over me again and I'm getting bitter about a lot of things. Not liking this.)
But I'm tired.
And I can't eat.
And my jaw is swollen.
And I have a sh*t load of work to do.
And people want to give more than my share.
To the rest of the world, I'm the one that never falls. I'm always the last one standing. And maybe it is true that I can handle a lot more than most people. But it's tiring.
At times like this, I really could use a bit of tlc.
At times like this, I wish I could go back to my haven.
At times like this, sometimes I really do wish I wasn't single.
Dream on...
Suck it up.
Keep going.
(It must be the fact that it's getting close to the end of the year. A lot of things are coming over me again and I'm getting bitter about a lot of things. Not liking this.)
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Selfish Thoughts
Found a research article with your name in it. What a relief, to know that you're most likely still working in the same place.
The other day I saw a female paramedic tending to a patient on a stretcher on the side of the road. As before, I thought that it would be horrible if you had to be one of them out in the cold on the dangerous roads like that.
I know you are a great medic, and it's selfish for me to think this. And I know that I no longer have the privilege to be in your life or tell you that I care.
But even if I could never see you again in my life, I still hope that you wouldn't have to be out in the open like that, because I know so well that so many times you've dealt with dangerous patients, dangerous situations and freezing cold conditions.
It worries me and hurts too much to know that you might be out in the danger like that.
I want you to be safe.
I want you to live a good life.
I want you to be happy.
Even if I can't be a part of it.
Even if I can never even know.
I don't care who or what I am to you. Although I have an answer somewhere deep down. But I know very well who you are to me and what you mean to me.
[...........]...forever and a day...
Monday, November 8, 2010
Under the Influence
So today I was put to sleep to have my wisdom teeth taken out. It was quite a strange experience.
First was inhaling nitrous oxide (aka laughing gas). For the first few minutes I didn't feel anything. But after a while, I started getting sleepy and could feel pins and needles all over my body. I could still hear and talk to the nurse, but it was really blurry.
At this point, the thought that came to mind was not exactly a pleasant one. The thought was of the times when I did research in the labs and put rats to sleep with nitrous oxide...after which I would do some pretty 'horrific' surgical procedures on them...
Then the nurse put an IV in. I'm guessing it was a benzo drug of some sort, since that's the most common type used for dental purposes. I could still feel the poke of the needle, but I don't remember anything after that. It must have put me to sleep pretty darn fast.
Some time later, I guess everything was done. They got my mom to come in. Apparently, the nurse or someone started explaining a whole lot of stuff about how to take care of the wound and what not. Apparently, I was fully able to talk and respond. The strange thing is...I have absolutely no memory of any of this!!!
(Side note: That's quite scary. What else did I say during this time?!?!?! Yikes.)
Went home and slept until 5pm. Ate some stuff. Took a couple of drugs...which are staring to make me sleepy again. =P
But no more sleeping!
Lots of working waiting for me to do...
Four meetings for three projects
Plus catching up on my courses
Plus catching up on my CKE studying
Back to work...while on drugs...
Codeine...(which is pretty close to morphine)....to be exact.
First was inhaling nitrous oxide (aka laughing gas). For the first few minutes I didn't feel anything. But after a while, I started getting sleepy and could feel pins and needles all over my body. I could still hear and talk to the nurse, but it was really blurry.
At this point, the thought that came to mind was not exactly a pleasant one. The thought was of the times when I did research in the labs and put rats to sleep with nitrous oxide...after which I would do some pretty 'horrific' surgical procedures on them...
Then the nurse put an IV in. I'm guessing it was a benzo drug of some sort, since that's the most common type used for dental purposes. I could still feel the poke of the needle, but I don't remember anything after that. It must have put me to sleep pretty darn fast.
Some time later, I guess everything was done. They got my mom to come in. Apparently, the nurse or someone started explaining a whole lot of stuff about how to take care of the wound and what not. Apparently, I was fully able to talk and respond. The strange thing is...I have absolutely no memory of any of this!!!
(Side note: That's quite scary. What else did I say during this time?!?!?! Yikes.)
Went home and slept until 5pm. Ate some stuff. Took a couple of drugs...which are staring to make me sleepy again. =P
But no more sleeping!
Lots of working waiting for me to do...
Four meetings for three projects
Plus catching up on my courses
Plus catching up on my CKE studying
Back to work...while on drugs...
Codeine...(which is pretty close to morphine)....to be exact.
Where are you now?
A strange, but very nice dream last night...
My family was having some special occasion at our house and X was there. My parents obviously don't like her, but somehow she was living in our house. It was early in the morning and I went over to her room. We started talking about preparing for something. She was trying to do something to impress my parents, and I was worried about it. In her attempts to reassure me, we ended up cuddling. And of course, that's the best feeling in the world...
How impossible is that?! But I would love to see it happen!!! If X and my parents can appear in the same scene, that's more than I can wish for!
This dream has got me thinking about her a lot today. A part of me really has the urge to call her up.
What would I say? Would she talk to me? Would she even pick up?
While at dinner with relatives tonight, someone was commenting that I'm "good" because I'm focusing on school and not dating. Someone else said that maybe it's just that they don't know I am. Interestingly, my mom added that she doesn't know either...
All the while, I just sat there...nod and smile...
Why did she say that? Does she really think I'm dating someone? A girl?
I've found it kind of weird that she no longer asks me where I'm going or who I'm going with. Is it because she trusts me? I doubt it. Is it because she realizes she can't control it? I'm not sure. Or is it because she suspects I'm dating a girl again and just wants to deny it and so doesn't want to find out at all?
I really hate how I'm holding back on things I want to do but still end up being suspicious and condemned. It's just not fair. So why should I refrain myself?!
All of a sudden, I realize how much I miss having someone to hug and cuddle with...
*sigh*
[............]
If only you could hear me...
='(
My family was having some special occasion at our house and X was there. My parents obviously don't like her, but somehow she was living in our house. It was early in the morning and I went over to her room. We started talking about preparing for something. She was trying to do something to impress my parents, and I was worried about it. In her attempts to reassure me, we ended up cuddling. And of course, that's the best feeling in the world...
How impossible is that?! But I would love to see it happen!!! If X and my parents can appear in the same scene, that's more than I can wish for!
This dream has got me thinking about her a lot today. A part of me really has the urge to call her up.
What would I say? Would she talk to me? Would she even pick up?
While at dinner with relatives tonight, someone was commenting that I'm "good" because I'm focusing on school and not dating. Someone else said that maybe it's just that they don't know I am. Interestingly, my mom added that she doesn't know either...
All the while, I just sat there...nod and smile...
Why did she say that? Does she really think I'm dating someone? A girl?
I've found it kind of weird that she no longer asks me where I'm going or who I'm going with. Is it because she trusts me? I doubt it. Is it because she realizes she can't control it? I'm not sure. Or is it because she suspects I'm dating a girl again and just wants to deny it and so doesn't want to find out at all?
I really hate how I'm holding back on things I want to do but still end up being suspicious and condemned. It's just not fair. So why should I refrain myself?!
All of a sudden, I realize how much I miss having someone to hug and cuddle with...
*sigh*
[............]
If only you could hear me...
='(
Sunday, November 7, 2010
What do you want?
Sometimes...I really wonder what people are thinking...
Are you teasing me or what?
Case 1:
ME: You changed seats.
MEG: To be closer to you!
ME: -_-''
Case 2:
NISH: Are you going to the formal next weekend?
ME: haha...no, I'm not.
NISH: No! Come on! You have to come! I'll ditch Gary and be your date!
ME: -_-''
都唔知好驚定好笑...
Are you teasing me or what?
Case 1:
ME: You changed seats.
MEG: To be closer to you!
ME: -_-''
Case 2:
NISH: Are you going to the formal next weekend?
ME: haha...no, I'm not.
NISH: No! Come on! You have to come! I'll ditch Gary and be your date!
ME: -_-''
都唔知好驚定好笑...
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Is it too late to tell you I'm alone?
She is performing in town today. If it were tomorrow and not today, I would have considered going. It looks like she puts on a good live performance with a live band too. There are a few songs that I would really like to see performed live.
Or...
Perhaps I'm just trying to hold on to something else...
Management Control
Seeing as I am posting again, this is clearly an indication of how bored I am of studying for tomorrow's exam.
This is a so-called midterm. But we've had 6 classes so far, and there's only 2 afterwards. Some MID-term. I really don't see the point of having an exam 3 weeks later.
Actually...I don't see the point of this course at all.
This is the third of a series of courses we've had from a particular prof. The first was management accounting. The second was advanced management accounting. And this one is management control.
Translation: All the same. All full of crap.
As my friend said...
Management Control = Learning to BS your way to the top
(Another pointless post. Simply because I have nothing better to do. Can't wait until I'm 'free' tomorrow.)
This is a so-called midterm. But we've had 6 classes so far, and there's only 2 afterwards. Some MID-term. I really don't see the point of having an exam 3 weeks later.
Actually...I don't see the point of this course at all.
This is the third of a series of courses we've had from a particular prof. The first was management accounting. The second was advanced management accounting. And this one is management control.
Translation: All the same. All full of crap.
As my friend said...
Management Control = Learning to BS your way to the top
(Another pointless post. Simply because I have nothing better to do. Can't wait until I'm 'free' tomorrow.)
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
真的只是有時候...
Saw this on fb a while ago...
Sometimes...this is exactly the way life seems to be...
by Raymond Huen on Tuesday, October 5, 2010 at 10:54am
真的只是有時候，莫名的心情不好，不想和任何人說話，只想一個人靜靜的發呆。
真的只是有時候，突然覺得心情煩躁，看什麼都覺得不舒服，心裡悶的發慌，拼命想尋找一個出口。
真的只是有時候，發現身邊的人都不瞭解自己，面對著身邊的人，突然覺得說不出話。
真的只是有時候，感覺自己與世界格格不入，曾經一直堅持的東西一夜間面目全非。
真的只是有時候，突然很想逃離現在的生活，想不顧一切收拾自己簡單的行李去流浪。
真的只是有時候，別人突然對你說，我覺得你變了，然後自己開始百感交集。
真的只是有時候，希望時間為自己停下，就這樣和喜歡的人地老天荒。
真的只是有時候，在自己脆弱的時候，想一個人躲起來，不願別人看到自己的傷口。
真的只是有時候，突然很想哭，卻難過的哭不出來。
真的只是有時候，夜深人靜的時候，突然覺得寂寞深入骨髓。
真的只是有時候，明明自己心裡有很多話要說，卻不知道怎樣表達。
真的只是有時候，覺得自己其實一無所有，仿佛被世界拋棄。
真的只是有時候，明明自己身邊很多朋友，卻依然覺得孤單。
真的只是有時候，很想放縱自己，希望自己徹徹底底醉一次 。
真的只是有時候，自己的夢想很多，卻力不從心。
真的只是有時候，常常找不到事情，無聊的無所適從。
真的只是有時候，突然找不到自己，把自己丟了。
真的只是有時候，心裡突然冒出一種厭倦的情緒，覺得自己很累很累。
真的只是有時候，看不到自己未來的樣子，迷茫的不知所措。
真的只是有時候，發現自己一夜之間長大了。
真的只是有時候，聽到一首老歌，就突然想起一個人。
真的只是有時候，別人誤解了自己有口無心的一句話，心裡鬱悶的發慌。
真的只是有時候，常常在回憶裡掙扎，有很多過去無法釋懷。
真的只是有時候，渴望別人的關懷，渴望一份簡單的快樂。
真的只是有時候，看著時間一點點流逝，自己卻無能為力..............
Sometimes...this is exactly the way life seems to be...
by Raymond Huen on Tuesday, October 5, 2010 at 10:54am
真的只是有時候，莫名的心情不好，不想和任何人說話，只想一個人靜靜的發呆。
真的只是有時候，突然覺得心情煩躁，看什麼都覺得不舒服，心裡悶的發慌，拼命想尋找一個出口。
真的只是有時候，發現身邊的人都不瞭解自己，面對著身邊的人，突然覺得說不出話。
真的只是有時候，感覺自己與世界格格不入，曾經一直堅持的東西一夜間面目全非。
真的只是有時候，突然很想逃離現在的生活，想不顧一切收拾自己簡單的行李去流浪。
真的只是有時候，別人突然對你說，我覺得你變了，然後自己開始百感交集。
真的只是有時候，希望時間為自己停下，就這樣和喜歡的人地老天荒。
真的只是有時候，在自己脆弱的時候，想一個人躲起來，不願別人看到自己的傷口。
真的只是有時候，突然很想哭，卻難過的哭不出來。
真的只是有時候，夜深人靜的時候，突然覺得寂寞深入骨髓。
真的只是有時候，明明自己心裡有很多話要說，卻不知道怎樣表達。
真的只是有時候，覺得自己其實一無所有，仿佛被世界拋棄。
真的只是有時候，明明自己身邊很多朋友，卻依然覺得孤單。
真的只是有時候，很想放縱自己，希望自己徹徹底底醉一次 。
真的只是有時候，自己的夢想很多，卻力不從心。
真的只是有時候，常常找不到事情，無聊的無所適從。
真的只是有時候，突然找不到自己，把自己丟了。
真的只是有時候，心裡突然冒出一種厭倦的情緒，覺得自己很累很累。
真的只是有時候，看不到自己未來的樣子，迷茫的不知所措。
真的只是有時候，發現自己一夜之間長大了。
真的只是有時候，聽到一首老歌，就突然想起一個人。
真的只是有時候，別人誤解了自己有口無心的一句話，心裡鬱悶的發慌。
真的只是有時候，常常在回憶裡掙扎，有很多過去無法釋懷。
真的只是有時候，渴望別人的關懷，渴望一份簡單的快樂。
真的只是有時候，看著時間一點點流逝，自己卻無能為力..............
Monday, November 1, 2010
Zoom Zoom
Saw this Mazda 2 on the street today for the first time. Love it!
If everything goes smoothly from now on, next year this time, I should be able to seriously consider getting my own car.
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Thursday, October 28, 2010
School rantings...
So there are a few things on campus lately that I am not liking...
The minor thing...Second Cup. So since Second Cup opened on campus, they have refused to accept SPC. Eventually, my friend and I decided to email them about it. So we sent them an email saying how it's ridiculous that a student discount card is not being accepted at a campus location. A few days ago I got a reply from Second Cup saying that they followed up on that and that the campus location should be accepting SPC. And what happened today? They tell me they don't accept at this location. !@#$% Yes. It's probably less than $0.50 difference per cup of coffee, but I/we deserve our privileges. It's my right.
Another minor thing. While heating up food during lunch, somebody came up to me and said that she heard my sister's quite girly and asked why I'm so "cool". -_-'' WTF?! First of all, only one person in my program has seen my sister. Anyone else that has ever "seen" her would have simply been through FB, which would have been one single picture. So what do you know about my sister?! Second, what does my sister's style have anything to do with me?! We are two independent people. Third, what are you implying? One other person often calls me "cool", but in a good way. This person, today, obviously was hinting at other things. But it's none of your business.
But the thing that bugs me the most is related to the sharing of prep course materials that's been going on within our class. In attempts to prepare for this upcoming exam, everyone is trying to get their hands on materials from various courses and organizations. Some people are getting all these things for free, because Big4 companies will pay for it all. Then there are people like me who are paying for these courses and materials on their own. And then there are those people who have decided not to take any courses and study on their own. What really pisses me off is the fact that those people who chose not to take courses are getting everything for free. They are simply borrowing other people's stuff and photocopying it.
Before signing up for the course, I was 100% sure that I could have gotten any material I wanted from my friends and classmates for free. But in the end, I decided to pay the $1400 and take the course myself because it would be absolutely unfair if I just got everything for free from other people. If I want to use these materials, then I have to pay the cost. If I want to get stuff from other people, then I should also be contributing. So I dished out $1400.
And now, at least 1/3 of the people are getting everything for free. I understand that it's expensive and people don't want to dish out money. But shouldn't you at least share part of the cost? Why should you get it for free while we pay over $1000?!
One of my friends ordered nonrefundable materials from one organization before deciding to take a different course. Because she has offered to share the materials with me, I have OFFERED, out of my own will, to pay half the cost ($150+). Why? Because there is no reason why I should get the full benefit for free while she pays the entire cost.
I'm not rich. If anything, I'm pretty sure most people in the class are much richer than I am. I have yet to pay the $400 fee to write the exam that's coming up. I work a part-time job partly because I don't want to spend my parents' money. These few months, I've been watching my bank accounts continuously decrease and, for the first time in a long while, feel the pressure that I will actually use up all my money.
But I will never rip off my friends and classmates.
The minor thing...Second Cup. So since Second Cup opened on campus, they have refused to accept SPC. Eventually, my friend and I decided to email them about it. So we sent them an email saying how it's ridiculous that a student discount card is not being accepted at a campus location. A few days ago I got a reply from Second Cup saying that they followed up on that and that the campus location should be accepting SPC. And what happened today? They tell me they don't accept at this location. !@#$% Yes. It's probably less than $0.50 difference per cup of coffee, but I/we deserve our privileges. It's my right.
Another minor thing. While heating up food during lunch, somebody came up to me and said that she heard my sister's quite girly and asked why I'm so "cool". -_-'' WTF?! First of all, only one person in my program has seen my sister. Anyone else that has ever "seen" her would have simply been through FB, which would have been one single picture. So what do you know about my sister?! Second, what does my sister's style have anything to do with me?! We are two independent people. Third, what are you implying? One other person often calls me "cool", but in a good way. This person, today, obviously was hinting at other things. But it's none of your business.
But the thing that bugs me the most is related to the sharing of prep course materials that's been going on within our class. In attempts to prepare for this upcoming exam, everyone is trying to get their hands on materials from various courses and organizations. Some people are getting all these things for free, because Big4 companies will pay for it all. Then there are people like me who are paying for these courses and materials on their own. And then there are those people who have decided not to take any courses and study on their own. What really pisses me off is the fact that those people who chose not to take courses are getting everything for free. They are simply borrowing other people's stuff and photocopying it.
Before signing up for the course, I was 100% sure that I could have gotten any material I wanted from my friends and classmates for free. But in the end, I decided to pay the $1400 and take the course myself because it would be absolutely unfair if I just got everything for free from other people. If I want to use these materials, then I have to pay the cost. If I want to get stuff from other people, then I should also be contributing. So I dished out $1400.
And now, at least 1/3 of the people are getting everything for free. I understand that it's expensive and people don't want to dish out money. But shouldn't you at least share part of the cost? Why should you get it for free while we pay over $1000?!
One of my friends ordered nonrefundable materials from one organization before deciding to take a different course. Because she has offered to share the materials with me, I have OFFERED, out of my own will, to pay half the cost ($150+). Why? Because there is no reason why I should get the full benefit for free while she pays the entire cost.
I'm not rich. If anything, I'm pretty sure most people in the class are much richer than I am. I have yet to pay the $400 fee to write the exam that's coming up. I work a part-time job partly because I don't want to spend my parents' money. These few months, I've been watching my bank accounts continuously decrease and, for the first time in a long while, feel the pressure that I will actually use up all my money.
But I will never rip off my friends and classmates.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
hocc @ lezsmeeting
A little surprised that hocc would do an interview with a les magazine. But, of course, nice to see it. And looking forward to what's gonna be coming next!
Monday, October 25, 2010
Time and again...
Studied until 3:30am last night. But it seems I still didn't do very good today. *sigh* I've been doing pretty good so far this term. Hope I didn't mess it up today.
Crawled into bed at 3:30am last night but for some reason couldn't fall asleep. While lying there, a part of me was looking for a certain feeling.
A feeling I can no longer find.
Perhaps life is stressful lately...
There was one night the week before that I had a very strange dream. It was like everything was happening all over again. All the same people. All the same situations. All the same fights. Yet, this time, the two sides clash for real...
A little unsettling...
What is it that I don't know?
*sigh*
Crawled into bed at 3:30am last night but for some reason couldn't fall asleep. While lying there, a part of me was looking for a certain feeling.
A feeling I can no longer find.
Perhaps life is stressful lately...
There was one night the week before that I had a very strange dream. It was like everything was happening all over again. All the same people. All the same situations. All the same fights. Yet, this time, the two sides clash for real...
A little unsettling...
What is it that I don't know?
*sigh*
From the first cup of tea...
On Friday, we had a very special visitor at our house; someone that we have not seen for probably 15 years. It was her first time in Toronto, and one of her main purposes here was to see me.
Who is this person?
My babysitter, D, from when I was 1 to 3 years old.
To be honest, I have very little memory of D. Everything I do know about her was from what I have heard from other people. The only thing I do remember is a vague idea of her figure.
But there is one thing about me that, perhaps, is an extension of D. The fact that I love milk tea (奶茶). It is because of her that I drink milk tea. It is because of her that I started drinking milk tea when I was only 2 or 3 years old. Back then, in HK, D would take me out to breakfast every day and let me take sips from her milk tea. Eventually, the people at the restaurant gave the little old me my very own cup, for free.
For the most part, D thinks I still look the same.
But surprisingly, her life has changed drastically.
In the 15 years, D's daughter got cancer. Three times. Apparently, her genes are naturally highly susceptible to mutation, putting her at very high risk of cancer. They've been to Singapore, Europe and the US to find the appropriate treatments. Luckily, she has survived. But who knows when it'll happen again?
In the 15 years, D's son got married and then divorced. The woman threatened him with suicide and other nasty things and eventually took almost all his money. He refuses to get married ever again. But at least he's now happy.
Just earlier this year, D got divorced, after over 40 years of marriage. Who would have thought that the man who waited for D to turn 18 so that they could get married would end up having an affair? D is chronically taking sleeping pills and other psychiatric medication.
To add to all this, the other reason for D's visit to TO...was to support her sister's divorce.
*sigh*
Why do such horrible things have to happen to such a good person?
I look at all this and think that I am very lucky.
Before leaving, D was very excited in telling me that she could come and visit when I got married or had children in the future...
*speechless*
What is more important to a parent? That their children are 'normal'? Or that their children are happy?
*prayers*
Why must people fight?
Why do people cheat?
Why is it so hard to love?
I wish there was a way for everyone to get along.
Who is this person?
My babysitter, D, from when I was 1 to 3 years old.
To be honest, I have very little memory of D. Everything I do know about her was from what I have heard from other people. The only thing I do remember is a vague idea of her figure.
But there is one thing about me that, perhaps, is an extension of D. The fact that I love milk tea (奶茶). It is because of her that I drink milk tea. It is because of her that I started drinking milk tea when I was only 2 or 3 years old. Back then, in HK, D would take me out to breakfast every day and let me take sips from her milk tea. Eventually, the people at the restaurant gave the little old me my very own cup, for free.
For the most part, D thinks I still look the same.
But surprisingly, her life has changed drastically.
In the 15 years, D's daughter got cancer. Three times. Apparently, her genes are naturally highly susceptible to mutation, putting her at very high risk of cancer. They've been to Singapore, Europe and the US to find the appropriate treatments. Luckily, she has survived. But who knows when it'll happen again?
In the 15 years, D's son got married and then divorced. The woman threatened him with suicide and other nasty things and eventually took almost all his money. He refuses to get married ever again. But at least he's now happy.
Just earlier this year, D got divorced, after over 40 years of marriage. Who would have thought that the man who waited for D to turn 18 so that they could get married would end up having an affair? D is chronically taking sleeping pills and other psychiatric medication.
To add to all this, the other reason for D's visit to TO...was to support her sister's divorce.
*sigh*
Why do such horrible things have to happen to such a good person?
I look at all this and think that I am very lucky.
Before leaving, D was very excited in telling me that she could come and visit when I got married or had children in the future...
*speechless*
What is more important to a parent? That their children are 'normal'? Or that their children are happy?
*prayers*
Why must people fight?
Why do people cheat?
Why is it so hard to love?
I wish there was a way for everyone to get along.
Friday, October 22, 2010
What does it take?
What does it take for two people to stay together?
What does it take to love someone?
What does it take to be happy?
Why do people have to separate?
*sigh*
I'm grateful that I once found someone who loves me.
I'm grateful that I once found someone that I love.
Life is too fragile.
What does it take to love someone?
What does it take to be happy?
Why do people have to separate?
*sigh*
I'm grateful that I once found someone who loves me.
I'm grateful that I once found someone that I love.
Life is too fragile.
hocc
Saw this on the forum a while ago...
Amazing Music-HOCC 何韻詩
Haha. Haven't seen something like this in a long time. For sure, hocc has at least one more die hard fan. lol.
Reminds me of when I first started noticing hocc.
The first time I heard hocc sing was probably when I heard the following song on the radio...
At the time, probably 2002, I did not listen to Chinese music. This song was playing on the radio. I really wasn't paying attention. I had no clue what song this was nor who sang it. Nor did I care. But I remember thinking...why is this song so repetitive and annoying?!
lol. (FYI...I love this song now, because I can actually appreciate the meaning and feeling in it.)
The year after, I came across hocc performing the following song on JSG...
...and I absolutely fell in love with her performance. I liked the song and the impression she gave off was that she was really enjoying the song and the performance, even though it was probably 3 minutes long.
From then on, I fell in love with hocc. lol.
I have at least one copy of every single album. Where possible, practically and financially, I try to get the limited editions. The biggest splurges were (1) the First album, (2) blog book, (3) Ten Days documentary and the latest (4) limited edition mandarin album (which I have yet to receive...x_x). But I am missing the mandarin EP, which at this point I have no clue how to get. -_-''
I have watched hocc perform live twice. Once was at Wonderland, where I was quite mesmerized. The other was at Rama, which I regretted.
I met a few friends because of the name hocc.
I met a very important person because of the name hocc.
And, sadly, I have gotten myself in a lot of trouble because of the name hocc.
Wonders.
What's next?
Amazing Music-HOCC 何韻詩
Haha. Haven't seen something like this in a long time. For sure, hocc has at least one more die hard fan. lol.
Reminds me of when I first started noticing hocc.
The first time I heard hocc sing was probably when I heard the following song on the radio...
At the time, probably 2002, I did not listen to Chinese music. This song was playing on the radio. I really wasn't paying attention. I had no clue what song this was nor who sang it. Nor did I care. But I remember thinking...why is this song so repetitive and annoying?!
lol. (FYI...I love this song now, because I can actually appreciate the meaning and feeling in it.)
The year after, I came across hocc performing the following song on JSG...
...and I absolutely fell in love with her performance. I liked the song and the impression she gave off was that she was really enjoying the song and the performance, even though it was probably 3 minutes long.
From then on, I fell in love with hocc. lol.
I have at least one copy of every single album. Where possible, practically and financially, I try to get the limited editions. The biggest splurges were (1) the First album, (2) blog book, (3) Ten Days documentary and the latest (4) limited edition mandarin album (which I have yet to receive...x_x). But I am missing the mandarin EP, which at this point I have no clue how to get. -_-''
I have watched hocc perform live twice. Once was at Wonderland, where I was quite mesmerized. The other was at Rama, which I regretted.
I met a few friends because of the name hocc.
I met a very important person because of the name hocc.
And, sadly, I have gotten myself in a lot of trouble because of the name hocc.
Wonders.
What's next?
Thursday, October 21, 2010
The Alchemist
Recently, I came across Paulo Coehlo's blog. Just like the books he writes, the blog has a lot of interesting, meaningful and thought-provoking things.
Like yesterday...on love...
http://paulocoelhoblog.com/2010/10/20/reflexions-on-love/
While in HK, there was a Paulo Coehlo bookset at one of the stores I went to. Really tempted to buy it, but too big and bulky to bring back. I've read a few of his books and have liked them all. They make you think and look at what life really means.
The first book I read from him was The Alchemist. I had heard of this book many times, but had never read it until a few years ago.
Unfortunately, the most important page of my book is now missing.
Paulo Coehlo's newest book is called The Winner Stands Alone. I have yet to read it. Hopefully soon!
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Purple!
So last night I somehow or other found out about wearing purple for Spirit Day today. And, of course, I wore purple! =)
Considering I didn't see this circulating on fb yesterday, I assumed it wasn't going to be very wide spread and most people probably didn't know anything about it. (Even I just came across it accidentally.) So I was quite amazed by how much purple I saw on campus today, and especially within my program.
The incident...
When I walked into class this morning, two girls were talking about wearing purple. I didn't think much of it, because they were doing a presentation today and it has been a bit of a trend for groups to do the colour co-ordination thing. I merely thought they were talking about their presentation.
Later in the day, one guy jokingly said to the four girls presenting, "What are you guys, team purple or something?"
To my surprise, one of the girls answered, "We're doing it for a cause." and went on to explain Spirit Day to the guy.
Awesome.
I think around 10 to 12 people in my class of 66 wore purple. I'm guessing two wore purple by accident, but the others I think did it for the cause.
It's great to see so much support from the people that I work with every day.
Considering I didn't see this circulating on fb yesterday, I assumed it wasn't going to be very wide spread and most people probably didn't know anything about it. (Even I just came across it accidentally.) So I was quite amazed by how much purple I saw on campus today, and especially within my program.
The incident...
When I walked into class this morning, two girls were talking about wearing purple. I didn't think much of it, because they were doing a presentation today and it has been a bit of a trend for groups to do the colour co-ordination thing. I merely thought they were talking about their presentation.
Later in the day, one guy jokingly said to the four girls presenting, "What are you guys, team purple or something?"
To my surprise, one of the girls answered, "We're doing it for a cause." and went on to explain Spirit Day to the guy.
Awesome.
I think around 10 to 12 people in my class of 66 wore purple. I'm guessing two wore purple by accident, but the others I think did it for the cause.
It's great to see so much support from the people that I work with every day.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
73 Years Later
BA is now officially St A, 73 years after his death.
Perfect timing, but quite ironic.
Hard to believe that there has been a gigantic church/cathedral/oratory in Montreal for BA for so long and he is only being recognized now.
Side note: The BA Cardinals played their annual Thanksgiving football game last weekend, while celebrating BA's 25th anniversary. But the Cardinals lost 36-0. -_-'' (I thought we were good at football?! And it wasn't even against rivals like MDHS. What a disgrace. -_-'')
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Where's my twin?
Saw this on some random blog that I've been subscribing to...
And my heart sank. =(
My little buddy has been 'locked' away in a dark and lonely place, but I can still find him and visit him every now and then.
But what ever happened to his twin? Do you still carry your battle scars? Does the master still treasure you as much as before? Or have you, too, been banished into some far off place?
I miss you, little guy.
[..............]
Friday, October 15, 2010
Mr. S
While waiting to pick up a prescription at the pharmacy yesterday, I saw a man with his daughter waiting in line. The man looked very familiar. I thought I knew him from somewhere, but he didn't seem to recognize me. But while watching him, I could not think of where I had seen this person before.
When I opened fb last night I finally remembered...
In the summer of 2007 I went to a leadership training near Muskoka. He, S, was my group leader. Although I had only known this man for four days, he was a very memorable person.
Why?
He reminded me of X. He was very much the same type of person as X. Very intelligent. Very knowledgeable. Very caring. With a big heart. And at that time, when so many things had happened not too long ago, this really made an impression on me.
But the bigger reason was what he wrote to me. As part something 'fun' that our group did, we each wrote every group member a little note. What he wrote to me was very surprising and very touching.
I can't remember exactly what S wrote, but the first time I read it I was a little shocked. I think there was no more than 50 words, but he had picked up everything that was important to me.
He wrote about life. He wrote about people. He wrote about love.
Clearly, in those four short days, with just a few casual conversations, this man had seen through everything that I was hiding inside.
(I really wanted to find that note S wrote and post it. But finding that little piece of paper would involve rummaging through a lot of junk. That's not the best use of time for me right now. Another day.)
When I opened fb last night I finally remembered...
In the summer of 2007 I went to a leadership training near Muskoka. He, S, was my group leader. Although I had only known this man for four days, he was a very memorable person.
Why?
He reminded me of X. He was very much the same type of person as X. Very intelligent. Very knowledgeable. Very caring. With a big heart. And at that time, when so many things had happened not too long ago, this really made an impression on me.
But the bigger reason was what he wrote to me. As part something 'fun' that our group did, we each wrote every group member a little note. What he wrote to me was very surprising and very touching.
I can't remember exactly what S wrote, but the first time I read it I was a little shocked. I think there was no more than 50 words, but he had picked up everything that was important to me.
He wrote about life. He wrote about people. He wrote about love.
Clearly, in those four short days, with just a few casual conversations, this man had seen through everything that I was hiding inside.
(I really wanted to find that note S wrote and post it. But finding that little piece of paper would involve rummaging through a lot of junk. That's not the best use of time for me right now. Another day.)
Thursday, October 14, 2010
The stars say...
Been getting some very amusing horoscopes on my iGoogle page via tarot.com these few days...
Tuesday, October 12th, 2010 Deep feelings continue to stir from the hidden depths of your subconscious, and you see no reason now to hold them back. Your key planet Venus is pushed to reach further than normal as she aspects unorthodox Uranus. Your restlessness with your current life encourages you to say yes, even if you're not sure that you really understand the question.
Wednesday, October 13th, 2010 You want a deep and meaningful connection now that the Moon is traveling through your 9th House of Higher Truth. It might help to find someone who can lift your spirits today. However, it's not easy to let go of your relationship concerns, which could place unnecessary boundaries between you and your special friend. Instead of allowing your fears to get in the way, talk about your feelings. Once the ice is broken, take the path the opens up.
It all comes at a time when I really am thinking about a lot of things. After all, it's October.
Thinking...Oktoberfest...
Thinking...that day..
Thinking...regrets.
Thinking...I shouldn't be thinking.
Tuesday, October 12th, 2010 Deep feelings continue to stir from the hidden depths of your subconscious, and you see no reason now to hold them back. Your key planet Venus is pushed to reach further than normal as she aspects unorthodox Uranus. Your restlessness with your current life encourages you to say yes, even if you're not sure that you really understand the question.
Wednesday, October 13th, 2010 You want a deep and meaningful connection now that the Moon is traveling through your 9th House of Higher Truth. It might help to find someone who can lift your spirits today. However, it's not easy to let go of your relationship concerns, which could place unnecessary boundaries between you and your special friend. Instead of allowing your fears to get in the way, talk about your feelings. Once the ice is broken, take the path the opens up.
It all comes at a time when I really am thinking about a lot of things. After all, it's October.
Thinking...Oktoberfest...
Thinking...that day..
Thinking...regrets.
Thinking...I shouldn't be thinking.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
HK 2010 - The Circle
I don't know if I'm overly sensitive or what, but during this trip to HK, I had quite a few encounters with gay/les people. Perhaps because of all the things in my own life, I notice these things a lot. Or maybe the culture in HK is just different.
On one of the flights to HK, I noticed that the man on the speaker sounded rather feminine. Not too long after that, I saw one of the male flight attendants walk by with a rainbow coloured bracelet around his wrist. Putting that together, it's obvious.
While at CityPlaza one day waiting for someone, I saw two guys walking together, holding hands. It's really common to see two girls holding hands in public. But two guys is rather rare. The two went into an electronics store and looked at...sewing machines. Funny, but cute.
During a family outing, a whole bunch of us went to one of the further places in the New Territories. At one of our stops, there were lots of people flying kites. All the kites were extremely high up in the sky, except for one. The two people with that kite simply could not even get it up into the air. Seeing this, my dad, uncle and cousin all went tried to help, while my grandmother, mom and aunt looked on, laughing at their failure. I watched this all happen and was quite amused, because the two girls that owned the kite were obviously a couple. I wonder if the rest of my family members actually realized that the TB was a girl.
On the flight back here, there were some loud HK teenagers sitting in front of us. The one sitting right in front of my mom was a TB. I wonder what my mom thought.
The culture in HK always amazes me. People say HK is conservative and western countries are more open. But I don't necessarily agree with that. On any given day in HK, you will see quite a few TBs and many same-sex couples. But here in TO, that doesn't happen. Unless you're in certain parts of the city, you really rarely randomly run into any. So putting aside the marriage rights, who's more open?
I guess part of the problem is that we are Chinese in a non-Chinese city. In th end, the Chinese community is not that big and everybody knows everybody. There are a lot more issues and dangers involved in being open about things like this. People who want to be open are less open, and people who are conservative are even more conservative.
*sigh*
Sometimes it's hard to believe that I live in TO, where same-sex marriage is legal, and the biggest problem I have in my life arises from the fact that I love(d) a girl.
The irony...
(Sorry for another stupid post. But yes, I'm bitter.)
On one of the flights to HK, I noticed that the man on the speaker sounded rather feminine. Not too long after that, I saw one of the male flight attendants walk by with a rainbow coloured bracelet around his wrist. Putting that together, it's obvious.
While at CityPlaza one day waiting for someone, I saw two guys walking together, holding hands. It's really common to see two girls holding hands in public. But two guys is rather rare. The two went into an electronics store and looked at...sewing machines. Funny, but cute.
During a family outing, a whole bunch of us went to one of the further places in the New Territories. At one of our stops, there were lots of people flying kites. All the kites were extremely high up in the sky, except for one. The two people with that kite simply could not even get it up into the air. Seeing this, my dad, uncle and cousin all went tried to help, while my grandmother, mom and aunt looked on, laughing at their failure. I watched this all happen and was quite amused, because the two girls that owned the kite were obviously a couple. I wonder if the rest of my family members actually realized that the TB was a girl.
On the flight back here, there were some loud HK teenagers sitting in front of us. The one sitting right in front of my mom was a TB. I wonder what my mom thought.
The culture in HK always amazes me. People say HK is conservative and western countries are more open. But I don't necessarily agree with that. On any given day in HK, you will see quite a few TBs and many same-sex couples. But here in TO, that doesn't happen. Unless you're in certain parts of the city, you really rarely randomly run into any. So putting aside the marriage rights, who's more open?
I guess part of the problem is that we are Chinese in a non-Chinese city. In th end, the Chinese community is not that big and everybody knows everybody. There are a lot more issues and dangers involved in being open about things like this. People who want to be open are less open, and people who are conservative are even more conservative.
*sigh*
Sometimes it's hard to believe that I live in TO, where same-sex marriage is legal, and the biggest problem I have in my life arises from the fact that I love(d) a girl.
The irony...
(Sorry for another stupid post. But yes, I'm bitter.)
Monday, October 11, 2010
五月天 - 超人
hocc posted this song/video on fb the other day...
What a heartbreaking song...
為什麼拯救地球 是那麼容易
為什麼束手無策啊 我和你的愛情
為什麼拯救地球 終於完美結局
為什麼我只能夠 眼看著愛燃燒成 灰燼
What a heartbreaking song...
為什麼拯救地球 是那麼容易
為什麼束手無策啊 我和你的愛情
為什麼拯救地球 終於完美結局
為什麼我只能夠 眼看著愛燃燒成 灰燼
Turning Point?
From tarot.com:
"You are at a rather significant turning point in your life, yet you still want to believe that you can keep things going just as they are. The fact is that something needs to change. Even if you've been able to manage the tension up to this point, now your emotions are becoming too volatile to contain. Embracing the unknown instead of resisting it should help to make things easier for all involved."
Isn't that nice to know...
Some things need to change......
Thinking back to last week, there was something that I thought was a little strange.
Having Monday off last week, I told M that I was going for a haircut. Strangely, she just said okay and nothing more.
So off I went to for a haircut. Wasn't quite satisfied, because the dude kind of overdid it. But oh well.
Got home. To avoid conflict, I started off saying to M how the guy had overdone it. Surprisingly, she very calmly said that it looks okay, and that that's the way it'll be if I want to cut it short. Then she added that she doesn't like it though because the back look like a guy's hair.
At this point, I'm getting uneasy about what could happen next. But to my surprise, nothing happened. She didn't continue nagging me about the short hair. And she didn't explode on me about it looking too boyish. Phew.
I seriously cannot remember the last time that M didn't complain about my hair after I got a haircut. (Even though, relatively speaking, my hair is not short and not boyish at all compared to a lot of people out there.)
What are you thinking? I never know how to read you. Have you eased off on your views? Have you started to accept the reality? Or am I just being overly optimistic?
Some things need to change.
"You are at a rather significant turning point in your life, yet you still want to believe that you can keep things going just as they are. The fact is that something needs to change. Even if you've been able to manage the tension up to this point, now your emotions are becoming too volatile to contain. Embracing the unknown instead of resisting it should help to make things easier for all involved."
Isn't that nice to know...
Some things need to change......
Thinking back to last week, there was something that I thought was a little strange.
Having Monday off last week, I told M that I was going for a haircut. Strangely, she just said okay and nothing more.
So off I went to for a haircut. Wasn't quite satisfied, because the dude kind of overdid it. But oh well.
Got home. To avoid conflict, I started off saying to M how the guy had overdone it. Surprisingly, she very calmly said that it looks okay, and that that's the way it'll be if I want to cut it short. Then she added that she doesn't like it though because the back look like a guy's hair.
At this point, I'm getting uneasy about what could happen next. But to my surprise, nothing happened. She didn't continue nagging me about the short hair. And she didn't explode on me about it looking too boyish. Phew.
I seriously cannot remember the last time that M didn't complain about my hair after I got a haircut. (Even though, relatively speaking, my hair is not short and not boyish at all compared to a lot of people out there.)
What are you thinking? I never know how to read you. Have you eased off on your views? Have you started to accept the reality? Or am I just being overly optimistic?
Some things need to change.
Saturday, October 9, 2010
HK 2010 - Tea Fair
After being in HK three years in a row, there's not much that's overly exciting to talk about. But one new thing that I did this year was go to the annual Food Expo and associated exhibitions.
The Food Expo itself was a blur. All I know is that it was super super crowded, which totally ruins your mood for wanting to try or buy anything. And the truth is, there wasn't really that much interesting food. Most were things you could find in regular stores. The only difference is that the prices are slightly lower. Overall, not too interesting.
The highlight for me was not the Food Expo itself, but the Tea Fair. It was really small compared to the Food Expo, but much more interesting for me for 'obvious' reasons. And to make the experience extra nice, I got to go on one of the days where it was only open to industry people and not open to public. For some reason, we got numerous extra buyer passes this year. So I got to go in as a buyer.
To be honest, I don't know much about tea. I probably should. But my purpose was not to learn about the tea itself. If I wanted to do that, I really don't need to go there. My purpose was to see what other companies are doing in terms of marketing, both in terms of packaging and distribution, in hopes of getting some ideas.
There were lots of interesting things. I'm inclined to believe that most people, including the buyers, don't necessarily know whether the tea is actually good or not. In this day and time, it's the packaging that brings attention and potential purchases. Tea in cans. Tea in wooden boxes. Tea in wicker baskets. Tea made into art displays. Everything you can think of. And of course, most companies try to bring in the health benefits of tea. (Although my impression is that they slightly overdo it in this respect.)
My only disappointment relating to this event was that I didn't get to go with my grandfather. I really wanted to go with him, because I know he'd be really happy if I did. And also because it would have been much more interesting and informative to go with him since he knows what the heck is going on. But I had other obligations that day. Hopefully, next time.
So now, after going to this, the question is......
What can I do?
Friday, October 8, 2010
無名
Loving this song and video.
It's like the "original" hocc, but different. lol.
Last night Fish messaged me to tell me that the puzzle version of hocc's album is for sale on yesasia. I was sort of surprised by this, and when she e-mailed me a file back in August. Although we used to chat all the time five or six years ago, we have rarely done so in the past few years.
I guess there was a time when I was a little too preoccupied with other things in life and sort of neglected some people.
And...I suspect she's avoiding me for certain reasons. (Or I'm just paranoid.)
But anyhow, nice to chat with her again. I've known her virtually for 5 or 6 years now, but still haven't met her in person. Hopefully, some day we can meet for real!
Thursday, October 7, 2010
拜金小姐 - 永遠的青春驪歌
Was listening to Ellen's Summer of Love. The first listen was quite a pleasant surprise. I never expected Ellen's solo song to sound like that. But looking at the credits and seeing Veegay up there explains it all. Very much Veegay's style.
Seems like there haven't been many songs written or produced by Veegay lately. So it made me think of Material Girls.
Material Girls...very electric and synthetic, quite strange, but kinda cool! And very Veegay style.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Pretend Hug
Accidentally came across this again today. I had once posted it in another blog.
So sweet, but so sad.
You love someone so much that the thought of hugging him/her is satisfying. But you can't hold him/her in your arms for real.
無奈。
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Another Slow Tuesday
Tuesdays......suck.
For some reason they thought it'd be a good idea to put the two most difficult classes on the same day. Every week.
Tax quiz. Not bad. Just what I expected. Unless I misread something, this one should come in at 15/15.
Got back last week's financial quiz. -_-'' I really need to be more careful and stop making careless mistakes. It sucks to lose marks on stupid things like that when I actually know the stuff.
The atmosphere around me has been rather negative lately. A lot of people are worried and upset. Everybody's so uptight with the job apps stuff.
Tired.
There's still some more stuff from HK that I want to write about. But too tired today.
Need to prep audit case. Need to finish prep questions. Tomorrow's gonna be a long long day.
Why am I so tired today? Didn't even really do much.
It's just one of those days when I wish there was someone I could go home to and throw my weight on. It's such a nice feeling to know that you can just let go and there will always be someone there to hold you up.
*sigh*
For some reason they thought it'd be a good idea to put the two most difficult classes on the same day. Every week.
Tax quiz. Not bad. Just what I expected. Unless I misread something, this one should come in at 15/15.
Got back last week's financial quiz. -_-'' I really need to be more careful and stop making careless mistakes. It sucks to lose marks on stupid things like that when I actually know the stuff.
The atmosphere around me has been rather negative lately. A lot of people are worried and upset. Everybody's so uptight with the job apps stuff.
Tired.
There's still some more stuff from HK that I want to write about. But too tired today.
Need to prep audit case. Need to finish prep questions. Tomorrow's gonna be a long long day.
Why am I so tired today? Didn't even really do much.
It's just one of those days when I wish there was someone I could go home to and throw my weight on. It's such a nice feeling to know that you can just let go and there will always be someone there to hold you up.
*sigh*
Monday, October 4, 2010
冇事有心
Came across this song from FB today. 劉浩龍 - 冇事有心
Quite, often people ask me how I am. My answer is always "okay". No more. No less. There's not much in particular that makes me exceptionally happy or excited. Perhaps there are things that get me down, but they are not things I want to discuss.
Every now and then, perhaps I look tired or down or something, people ask me if I'm okay. My answer is always "yea, I'm fine". No more. No less.
I hate that question.
I once discussed this with someone and she knew exactly what I meant. If I'm okay, you wouldn't be asking me if I'm okay in the first place. Obviously you can tell I'm not okay. So why are you even asking?
So the only answer...
Yea. I'm fine.
冇事. 有心.
Sunday, October 3, 2010
HK 2010 - The Horror
(What was originally written here very briefly has now been deleted. As much as I wanted to keep a memory of all the things that ran through my head while in HK, perhaps I'd rather keep this part private. A reminder that I deleted what I originally wrote will be enough.)
When will it stop?
When will things change?
When can I rest?
When will it stop?
When will things change?
When can I rest?
The Long Way Home
Across College...
To where that last goodbye would have been...
Up Jarvis...
Passing by that restaurant called Angelina...
Up Mount Pleasant...
Going by that cemetery that I always notice...
Across Millwood...
Passing by that bakery that I still have yet to try...
Up Bayview...
To where you work...
Across the 401...
Just past my haven...
Reminiscing...
But it's just not the same.
[.............]
To where that last goodbye would have been...
Up Jarvis...
Passing by that restaurant called Angelina...
Up Mount Pleasant...
Going by that cemetery that I always notice...
Across Millwood...
Passing by that bakery that I still have yet to try...
Up Bayview...
To where you work...
Across the 401...
Just past my haven...
Reminiscing...
But it's just not the same.
[.............]
Plain Jane
While driving home the other day, I noticed something on the Markham Theatre board. Looked it up and found this...
A Chantal Kreviazuk concert right here next month.
Of all things...
A part of me is curious to go and see what it would be like.
But the experience would never be complete without my partner in crime.
What I would give to watch Chantal Kreviazuk sing "Feels Like Home" live with...........
A Chantal Kreviazuk concert right here next month.
Of all things...
A part of me is curious to go and see what it would be like.
But the experience would never be complete without my partner in crime.
What I would give to watch Chantal Kreviazuk sing "Feels Like Home" live with...........
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Who are you?
Lately, I've been chatting with some person that must have randomly added me from the forums. She seems to be a good person, but kinda mysterious.
99% of the time she's the one that starts the conversation, because she's always on invisible. I asked her why she's always hiding, but she said "secret". -_-''
I once asked what her real name is, but she never told me. -_-''
After so many chats, I still cannot match this person up with anything anywhere. Nor does anyone around me seem to know anything. This has always been a small small circle. Every other person I've met has been connected somehow. How come this person isn't?!
Who are you?
99% of the time she's the one that starts the conversation, because she's always on invisible. I asked her why she's always hiding, but she said "secret". -_-''
I once asked what her real name is, but she never told me. -_-''
After so many chats, I still cannot match this person up with anything anywhere. Nor does anyone around me seem to know anything. This has always been a small small circle. Every other person I've met has been connected somehow. How come this person isn't?!
Who are you?
Friday, October 1, 2010
Follow the Leader
While searching for a new desktop background today, I came across a photo of two people holding hands. For whatever reason, it reminded me of something...
How do you hold hands with your partner? Are you the leader or the follower?
Did a quick search and found this...
http://www.fullofhateandreadytodate.com/blog/holding-hands-follow-the-leader/
Stupid thought? Perhaps. I'm sure most people never think about how they hold their partner's hand. It's just a natural thing. But a part of me would tend to believe that it's somewhat built into our subconscious.
I cannot fully relate to this because there was never a time when I could freely walk on the street holding my partner's hand. The only time we did hold hands was in private, and that's not really the same thing. It was never a matter of who's leading who, but simply just a way of bonding and connecting.
How do you hold hands with your partner? Are you the leader or the follower?
Did a quick search and found this...
http://www.fullofhateandreadytodate.com/blog/holding-hands-follow-the-leader/
Stupid thought? Perhaps. I'm sure most people never think about how they hold their partner's hand. It's just a natural thing. But a part of me would tend to believe that it's somewhat built into our subconscious.
I cannot fully relate to this because there was never a time when I could freely walk on the street holding my partner's hand. The only time we did hold hands was in private, and that's not really the same thing. It was never a matter of who's leading who, but simply just a way of bonding and connecting.
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