Thank you to the person that gave me the link to this site! I've never taken the time to read into these detailed astrology things, but this was definitely very interesting.
So apparently my moon sign is Virgo. So here we go......
(Taken from: http://tw.myblog.yahoo.com/jass-workroom/article?mid=26&prev=27&next=25&l=f&fid=21)
處女月座出生的時候，是在黃道圈的第六個星座，處女座是個陰柔的、女性的、變動的土象星座，而你們也是善於分析與批評的星座，有時候你們會不斷地去分析、檢討自己的情感，卻往往忽略了去著手進行這時候應該做的事情，你們往往只是坐在那兒窮擔心，卻不知起而行往往更重要喔。其實你們只要試著別老是那麼要求每個人，包括你自己的話，你一定會過得更輕鬆、更愉快。
處女月座也是個樂於服務、熱心公益的星座，你們願意獻身於你所選擇的工作，並且細心的照顧你們身邊最親近的人。而處女月座同時也被賦予絕佳的理智性，以及邏輯思考的能力，不過，這個星座的人也往往因為過度追求完美，而容易把一切過錯與責任歸咎到自己身上，猛鑽牛角尖，甚至會到需要看心理醫生的地步。處女月座的人對於健康也是非常重視，他們會努力收集關於這方面的資訊，並且身體力行。
處女月座的人有絕佳的辨識能力，使你們在面對感情的抉擇時，比別人多了一份智慧，而土象星座的穩重與踏實，更可以讓你在墬入愛河之際，站得更穩、走得更遠。你們有著極為認真的愛情觀，這也使得你們具備雷達一般的偵測力，能在愛情迷霧之間，避開流彈的攻擊，躲過危險的陷井。愛情往往是難以用理性分析的一件事，然而愛過之後，才知道人生的滋味，保守的你們如果能放開心胸，增加自己些許的勇氣，必然有不同的人生。
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Path to Nowhere
Thinking a lot about my life, and my so-called career path, and a lot of other things this week. For some reason, starting this new job has made me feel even more lost and unsure about everything. Where am I going? What do I want?
If only life could be less complicated...
If only life could be less complicated...
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Work?
Thank you to a wonderful friend who messaged me at 7:30am yesterday to send me her greetings! That simple note really gave me a boost when I most needed it. I know she was also rushing to get to work at that time, but she still thought about me! Thanks, R!
So it's been two days of so-called work now. I'm not quite sure what to say about it at this point. This is a completely new environment for me and I have a lot of mixed feelings about it and where I'm headed with my career/life.
But writing about that requires more energy and effort than I can give right now.
Maybe tomorrow.....
So it's been two days of so-called work now. I'm not quite sure what to say about it at this point. This is a completely new environment for me and I have a lot of mixed feelings about it and where I'm headed with my career/life.
But writing about that requires more energy and effort than I can give right now.
Maybe tomorrow.....
Saturday, January 16, 2010
盡在不言中
While leaving work today, I noticed a poster for some concert. What caught my attention was not the singer, but the title "More than Words" and it's translation "盡在不言中".
I once wrote an e-mail to someone in reply to things that were indirectly written to me. It was a very long e-mail that included a lot of very serious and emotional things. I very clearly remember making myself cry while writing it. Ironically, a part of me regrets that I wrote that e-mail, and a part of me regrets that I found out so many things that maybe I never should have known.
The reply I got was no longer than five sentences. I can still remember exactly what it said. The last line was "一齊盡在不言中".
To me, this phrase meant that some things don't need to be said and are understood. That, I understood and agreed.
Today, seeing the poster made me think. Did "盡在不言中" mean "More than Words"? If so, what was it that could not be put into words? Did I miss something or misunderstand something?
I'm listening.....
I once wrote an e-mail to someone in reply to things that were indirectly written to me. It was a very long e-mail that included a lot of very serious and emotional things. I very clearly remember making myself cry while writing it. Ironically, a part of me regrets that I wrote that e-mail, and a part of me regrets that I found out so many things that maybe I never should have known.
The reply I got was no longer than five sentences. I can still remember exactly what it said. The last line was "一齊盡在不言中".
To me, this phrase meant that some things don't need to be said and are understood. That, I understood and agreed.
Today, seeing the poster made me think. Did "盡在不言中" mean "More than Words"? If so, what was it that could not be put into words? Did I miss something or misunderstand something?
I'm listening.....
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Home?
Kind of wish that I can get away from home for a while...
I really miss being able to sit quietly with X and just enjoy her company. I don't have to be alone, but then I also don't have to talk if I don't want to. I can just sit there in silence with her and it's perfectly fine. Somehow, in that silence, it's all understood.
But it doesn't work with anyone else.
Makes me think of this song again.......
(And for some reason there is no MV for this song?!)
What does the word "home" mean? I've asked myself (and whoever happens to read my blogs) this question at least twice. The first time, X gave me the answer that I expected from her: "Home is where the heart is." The second time, I got the answer from a little sign I saw in a model home. Both lead me to think the same thing.
What does this word mean to me now?
I'm not sure.
I really miss being able to sit quietly with X and just enjoy her company. I don't have to be alone, but then I also don't have to talk if I don't want to. I can just sit there in silence with her and it's perfectly fine. Somehow, in that silence, it's all understood.
But it doesn't work with anyone else.
Makes me think of this song again.......
(And for some reason there is no MV for this song?!)
What does the word "home" mean? I've asked myself (and whoever happens to read my blogs) this question at least twice. The first time, X gave me the answer that I expected from her: "Home is where the heart is." The second time, I got the answer from a little sign I saw in a model home. Both lead me to think the same thing.
What does this word mean to me now?
I'm not sure.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Blank
Don't know what to write lately...
There's a lot on my mind, but I can't seem to put anything down in words.
*sigh*....it's another one of those times when I just want to hide and shut out everything.
=(
There's a lot on my mind, but I can't seem to put anything down in words.
*sigh*....it's another one of those times when I just want to hide and shut out everything.
=(
Friday, January 8, 2010
Rights and Wrongs
How many wrongs does it take to make a right?
How many rights does it take to make a wrong?
How many rights does it take to make a wrong?
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Would You...?
Just saw three questions on a friend's blog. All three made me think because I've come across them in some direct or indirect way. So, here we go...
1) Would you want to confess to someone knowing you would be rejected?
I've never actually been in this situation. But when I read this, what immediately comes to mind is my conversations with X about hocc's song 做好準備. This is the exact question that X asked me. I still remember the answer I gave her. Yes, I would confess, because you can never know for sure that you will get rejected. (But of course, finding the courage to actually do it is another story.) Being the idiot that I am, I didn't realize what X was hinting at through all our conversations on this topic. To this day, I still feel guilty for putting her through all that. The feelings were mutual at the time, but I was too afraid to let it happen.
2) Would you want to be with somebody when both of you know it's not going to last for whatever reason (could be external, like family, or internal, like personality differences)?
Before it even started, I knew I was getting myself into 'trouble'. I knew that there would be a lot of problems down the road, but didn't expect it to happen so fast. Likewise, X also told me she knew that it wouldn't last. So I guess somewhere along the way we both silently agreed that it was worthwhile to go along with our feelings and make the most out of it. I'm glad we did, because those were the best times of my life. But would I do it again? That's a tough question. If I'm at the point that I need to consider this question, that would definitely mean I love the person a lot and want to share a piece of my life. But I don't know if I could bear having to count down the days to doom again. Having said that, I do realize that all my potential relationships are 'destined' to fall apart, considering my current situations. So maybe I don't even have a choice.
3) Would you settle with someone you don't love, but loves you a lot?
I have to admit that sometimes I do miss being 'pampered' and taken care of. It's always nice to know that there's someone who will always be there for you. But even so, I would never settle with someone I don't love just because they love me a lot. First off, things would never work out considering how 'cold' I can be if I don't truly care. Second, I would feel horribly guilty. Third, I don't want to hurt anyone.
So what am I looking for? Nothing. I don't want anything to do with anyone until I can sort everything out and make sure that I have full control of my life. I already caused one person a lot of pain. I never want to do it to anyone else.
1) Would you want to confess to someone knowing you would be rejected?
I've never actually been in this situation. But when I read this, what immediately comes to mind is my conversations with X about hocc's song 做好準備. This is the exact question that X asked me. I still remember the answer I gave her. Yes, I would confess, because you can never know for sure that you will get rejected. (But of course, finding the courage to actually do it is another story.) Being the idiot that I am, I didn't realize what X was hinting at through all our conversations on this topic. To this day, I still feel guilty for putting her through all that. The feelings were mutual at the time, but I was too afraid to let it happen.
2) Would you want to be with somebody when both of you know it's not going to last for whatever reason (could be external, like family, or internal, like personality differences)?
Before it even started, I knew I was getting myself into 'trouble'. I knew that there would be a lot of problems down the road, but didn't expect it to happen so fast. Likewise, X also told me she knew that it wouldn't last. So I guess somewhere along the way we both silently agreed that it was worthwhile to go along with our feelings and make the most out of it. I'm glad we did, because those were the best times of my life. But would I do it again? That's a tough question. If I'm at the point that I need to consider this question, that would definitely mean I love the person a lot and want to share a piece of my life. But I don't know if I could bear having to count down the days to doom again. Having said that, I do realize that all my potential relationships are 'destined' to fall apart, considering my current situations. So maybe I don't even have a choice.
3) Would you settle with someone you don't love, but loves you a lot?
I have to admit that sometimes I do miss being 'pampered' and taken care of. It's always nice to know that there's someone who will always be there for you. But even so, I would never settle with someone I don't love just because they love me a lot. First off, things would never work out considering how 'cold' I can be if I don't truly care. Second, I would feel horribly guilty. Third, I don't want to hurt anyone.
So what am I looking for? Nothing. I don't want anything to do with anyone until I can sort everything out and make sure that I have full control of my life. I already caused one person a lot of pain. I never want to do it to anyone else.
Monday, January 4, 2010
And the story continues......
Every now and then I tell myself what an idiot I am and set out to forget and let go of certain things. But somehow, every time I say this to myself, something comes along and messes with my head (and heart).
A while ago, I discovered, completely by accident, that X's phone numbers were written in the phone book that sits by phone in the kitchen. This was quite a shock, considering I have, over the years (yes, years), tried to get rid of all of X's contact info that is 'out there'. Somehow, I never looked in this phone book and never expected to find anything in it. So what did I do? I left it there, because it would be too obvious if a particular page was ripped out. So I figured it's better if I just continue pretending that I don't know.
Today, while M was looking for a phone number, she went into the kitchen and picked up this phone book. From the other room, I could hear paper ripping. When M asked me to help her find the phone number she was looking for, I noticed that the page that X's number was on was gone. I made a slight effort to look for that missing page, but still haven't found it. So what happened to that page? And why did M do that at this point in time?
Considering what has happened in the past, I know I need to find that page. It's been almost four years now, and I am still horribly stuck in this f**ked up situation of mine.
And so....this little incident has wrecked havoc in my head tonight.
I don't want to argue with anyone about this anymore.
And I don't want to make myself cry.
A while ago, I discovered, completely by accident, that X's phone numbers were written in the phone book that sits by phone in the kitchen. This was quite a shock, considering I have, over the years (yes, years), tried to get rid of all of X's contact info that is 'out there'. Somehow, I never looked in this phone book and never expected to find anything in it. So what did I do? I left it there, because it would be too obvious if a particular page was ripped out. So I figured it's better if I just continue pretending that I don't know.
Today, while M was looking for a phone number, she went into the kitchen and picked up this phone book. From the other room, I could hear paper ripping. When M asked me to help her find the phone number she was looking for, I noticed that the page that X's number was on was gone. I made a slight effort to look for that missing page, but still haven't found it. So what happened to that page? And why did M do that at this point in time?
Considering what has happened in the past, I know I need to find that page. It's been almost four years now, and I am still horribly stuck in this f**ked up situation of mine.
And so....this little incident has wrecked havoc in my head tonight.
I don't want to argue with anyone about this anymore.
And I don't want to make myself cry.
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Party of 8
Due to today's insanely cold weather and slippery roads, lunch with my SJA buddies was cancelled! =P Hopefully, Miss Nurse won't be too busy and we can reschedule it soon!
After some 30 e-mails, my team's celebration party finally happened tonight.....two months later. It was short, but still good. All of us went down to A's place where they cooked Russian food for us.
This party wasn't quite as enjoyable for me as it should have been. I guess there are just too many things on my mind right now that I was slightly hesitant to hang out with this group tonight. With the cold weather, a part of me just wanted to stay home.
For some reason, it really hit me how much I hate large groups. There was only eight of us tonight, but it seems like that was already too much for my liking. I still prefer the three to four people gatherings much more. For the whole night, there was conversation between three people, and everyone else just seemed to listen. Obviously, I was one of those that just listened, as always.
The best part was probably the drive back with R. From the conversations we've had alone, it seems that we really think alike. So many of the things she mentioned were my thoughts exactly. We hate these large group gatherings. We hate the gossip. We hate having to 'fake' the professional business look. Maybe we're both in the wrong place?! R is a good person. If I were to place my trust in any of the eight people from tonight, it would be her.
M seemed a little odd and quiet today. I guess I've somewhat neglected her these past few weeks, considering she always says I'm the one that clicks with her. The problem is I really don't know how to deal with her. To a certain extent, we get each other. But at other times she is too crazy, too nosy and too talkative for me to handle.
I think I was a little more quiet than I usually am tonight.
And this marks the end of this year's Christmas holidays...
Good luck to everyone who's starting work tomorrow!
After some 30 e-mails, my team's celebration party finally happened tonight.....two months later. It was short, but still good. All of us went down to A's place where they cooked Russian food for us.
This party wasn't quite as enjoyable for me as it should have been. I guess there are just too many things on my mind right now that I was slightly hesitant to hang out with this group tonight. With the cold weather, a part of me just wanted to stay home.
For some reason, it really hit me how much I hate large groups. There was only eight of us tonight, but it seems like that was already too much for my liking. I still prefer the three to four people gatherings much more. For the whole night, there was conversation between three people, and everyone else just seemed to listen. Obviously, I was one of those that just listened, as always.
The best part was probably the drive back with R. From the conversations we've had alone, it seems that we really think alike. So many of the things she mentioned were my thoughts exactly. We hate these large group gatherings. We hate the gossip. We hate having to 'fake' the professional business look. Maybe we're both in the wrong place?! R is a good person. If I were to place my trust in any of the eight people from tonight, it would be her.
M seemed a little odd and quiet today. I guess I've somewhat neglected her these past few weeks, considering she always says I'm the one that clicks with her. The problem is I really don't know how to deal with her. To a certain extent, we get each other. But at other times she is too crazy, too nosy and too talkative for me to handle.
I think I was a little more quiet than I usually am tonight.
And this marks the end of this year's Christmas holidays...
Good luck to everyone who's starting work tomorrow!
2009 Roundup
Another year. It's amazing how fast time goes by, even though the days seem to drag on forever sometimes.
So......2009......
I guess the biggest thing that happened this year was me going into this management/accounting program. Is this what I really want. Yes, because it's practical, and I'll get somewhere, and I'll make money. No, because somewhere deep down I still want to do the med stuff, despite the fact that I don't know how I'd ever get there. Regardless, the program has been good so far. Unlike undergrad, they do treat you as a person, and not a number. I've made some new friends, secured a work position, won two competitions with my team and managed to keep my A's. So far so good. (Although....I'm not too confident about this past term's marks, which I am still 'eagerly' awaiting.)
Another change this year would be that I've been going out more, despite my crazy schedules. Why? (1) I don't want to be at home sometimes. (2) There are more people in my life that I'm actually interested in hanging out with. (3) I've been trying to change the way my life 'works', so that I have more control of my own stuff. To be honest, I've always been the type of person who can stay home, do nothing and talk to no one for days, so going out too much gets a little tiring sometimes. But, I guess this is the better way to handle my life. More friends to chill and talk to. More away time to avoid conflict. More freedom to make things work my way.
Some time in the year I started going to a certain forum and chatting with a certain circle of people. Despite how 'dangerous' this can get (at least for me), I'm really glad that I did this, because now there are actually some people that I can talk to about X and all the related stuff, and that really does feel good. Plus, along the way, I've met a few really interesting people. The only 'problem' is that I need to be really careful with this. This world really is too small, and things get around too easily. (But of course, it's not quite small enough, so you'll never run into the people that you really want to see.....*sigh*)
On the other hand, there are so many things that I said I would do, but still haven't....
It was two years ago today that I bought my guitar. I guess it was out of a need to cheer myself up, and the urge to do something for someone special. But two years later, there has been zero progress. I can vaguely play a bit of a few songs, and that's it. Maybe it was wrong for this little lefty to buy a right-handed guitar?!
Back in the summer I actually made the effort to go and swim in the morning before classes. But as the days got busy, I dropped it. And I still can't swim decently. The only progress is that I finally got myself a pair of prescription goggles so that I'm not blind in the water. That's a start, I guess.
Last, but definitely not least, I still haven't met with X. Back in the summer I promised myself I would do it, because I know I'll never get over this until I get some answers to all my questions. Somewhere along the way, I had planned to do it tonight, because it's less suspicious. But I later realized that Dec 31 was a bad choice, considering what happened before. Somehow, I need to work up the courage to do this.
There were less arguments and less fights this year. But, to me, it all seems meaningless because I know it's all fake. The problems are still there. Regardless of how good it looks on the surface, there are some things that probably will never be resolved. Despite how invisible it all is, this, by far, is what bugs me most.
Was 2009 a good year? I don't know. It could have been better. It could have been worse. A lot of things have changed. Whether they are good or bad changes, I have yet to find out.
It's time to stop writing, because I don't know what I'm writing anymore. There's so much more on my mind, but some things can never be put into words.
Perhaps....what I'm really looking for.....is myself.
2010.....here we go....
So......2009......
I guess the biggest thing that happened this year was me going into this management/accounting program. Is this what I really want. Yes, because it's practical, and I'll get somewhere, and I'll make money. No, because somewhere deep down I still want to do the med stuff, despite the fact that I don't know how I'd ever get there. Regardless, the program has been good so far. Unlike undergrad, they do treat you as a person, and not a number. I've made some new friends, secured a work position, won two competitions with my team and managed to keep my A's. So far so good. (Although....I'm not too confident about this past term's marks, which I am still 'eagerly' awaiting.)
Another change this year would be that I've been going out more, despite my crazy schedules. Why? (1) I don't want to be at home sometimes. (2) There are more people in my life that I'm actually interested in hanging out with. (3) I've been trying to change the way my life 'works', so that I have more control of my own stuff. To be honest, I've always been the type of person who can stay home, do nothing and talk to no one for days, so going out too much gets a little tiring sometimes. But, I guess this is the better way to handle my life. More friends to chill and talk to. More away time to avoid conflict. More freedom to make things work my way.
Some time in the year I started going to a certain forum and chatting with a certain circle of people. Despite how 'dangerous' this can get (at least for me), I'm really glad that I did this, because now there are actually some people that I can talk to about X and all the related stuff, and that really does feel good. Plus, along the way, I've met a few really interesting people. The only 'problem' is that I need to be really careful with this. This world really is too small, and things get around too easily. (But of course, it's not quite small enough, so you'll never run into the people that you really want to see.....*sigh*)
On the other hand, there are so many things that I said I would do, but still haven't....
It was two years ago today that I bought my guitar. I guess it was out of a need to cheer myself up, and the urge to do something for someone special. But two years later, there has been zero progress. I can vaguely play a bit of a few songs, and that's it. Maybe it was wrong for this little lefty to buy a right-handed guitar?!
Back in the summer I actually made the effort to go and swim in the morning before classes. But as the days got busy, I dropped it. And I still can't swim decently. The only progress is that I finally got myself a pair of prescription goggles so that I'm not blind in the water. That's a start, I guess.
Last, but definitely not least, I still haven't met with X. Back in the summer I promised myself I would do it, because I know I'll never get over this until I get some answers to all my questions. Somewhere along the way, I had planned to do it tonight, because it's less suspicious. But I later realized that Dec 31 was a bad choice, considering what happened before. Somehow, I need to work up the courage to do this.
There were less arguments and less fights this year. But, to me, it all seems meaningless because I know it's all fake. The problems are still there. Regardless of how good it looks on the surface, there are some things that probably will never be resolved. Despite how invisible it all is, this, by far, is what bugs me most.
Was 2009 a good year? I don't know. It could have been better. It could have been worse. A lot of things have changed. Whether they are good or bad changes, I have yet to find out.
It's time to stop writing, because I don't know what I'm writing anymore. There's so much more on my mind, but some things can never be put into words.
Perhaps....what I'm really looking for.....is myself.
2010.....here we go....
Friday, January 1, 2010
1231
Another new year's eve...
If you could re-live the moment, would you still do what you did? Knowing what you know now, would you have done things differently? Knowing that everything would fall apart in the worst possible way, would you still...?
You said you're not the type to regret. Knowing you, I believe that, 100%.
If I could re-live the moment, what would I do?
If only you knew...
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