Would You...?

Just saw three questions on a friend's blog.  All three made me think because I've come across them in some direct or indirect way.  So, here we go...

1) Would you want to confess to someone knowing you would be rejected?

I've never actually been in this situation.  But when I read this, what immediately comes to mind is my conversations with X about hocc's song 做好準備.  This is the exact question that X asked me.  I still remember the answer I gave her.  Yes, I would confess, because you can never know for sure that you will get rejected.  (But of course, finding the courage to actually do it is another story.)  Being the idiot that I am, I didn't realize what X was hinting at through all our conversations on this topic.  To this day, I still feel guilty for putting her through all that.  The feelings were mutual at the time, but I was too afraid to let it happen.



2) Would you want to be with somebody when both of you know it's not going to last for whatever reason (could be external, like family, or internal, like personality differences)?

Before it even started, I knew I was getting myself into 'trouble'.  I knew that there would be a lot of problems down the road, but didn't expect it to happen so fast.  Likewise, X also told me she knew that it wouldn't last.  So I guess somewhere along the way we both silently agreed that it was worthwhile to go along with our feelings and make the most out of it.  I'm glad we did, because those were the best times of my life.  But would I do it again?  That's a tough question.  If I'm at the point that I need to consider this question, that would definitely mean I love the person a lot and want to share a piece of my life.  But I don't know if I could bear having to count down the days to doom again.  Having said that, I do realize that all my potential relationships are 'destined' to fall apart, considering my current situations.  So maybe I don't even have a choice.

3) Would you settle with someone you don't love, but loves you a lot?

I have to admit that sometimes I do miss being 'pampered' and taken care of.  It's always nice to know that there's someone who will always be there for you.  But even so, I would never settle with someone I don't love just because they love me a lot.  First off, things would never work out considering how 'cold' I can be if I don't truly care.  Second, I would feel horribly guilty.  Third, I don't want to hurt anyone.

So what am I looking for?  Nothing.  I don't want anything to do with anyone until I can sort everything out and make sure that I have full control of my life.  I already caused one person a lot of pain.  I never want to do it to anyone else.