It's been a full three years, and here I am still ripping myself apart. A million other people have come in and out of my life now, but I still cannot forget her.
I can still remember so clearly what it felt like to read those three lines on her blog. That was all she 'said'. And I could never get in touch with her again.
I feel like an idiot. I know I should stop caring. But the truth is, I really do still care. I don't know how not to when there are so many loose ends and unanswered questions.
Call me naive. Call me stupid. But to this day, I still believe that it could have been (or could be) a lot more.
There are things I want to do, but now is not the right time. It's all useless if I can't make things better for her.
But what is she doing now? What does she think of me? And...is there someone else by her side?
There was nothing to do at work today. Naturally, on a day like this, my mind ran all over the place. To add to my emotional disaster, I took M to her appointment at a hospital today. The sight of the hospital and the ambulances was more than I can handle.
Can I call 911? Will my medic come and see me?
*sigh*
Last night I haphazardly clicked on a bookmark that I hadn't visited in a long time. Surprisingly, that page that appeared to be untouched for the last two years had been updated. A lot of old things had been removed, and quite a few new things had been added. I wonder what it all means. C.S. Lewis?! Amy Grant?! What is she thinking? What is she feeling?
='(
No comments:
Post a Comment