Insomnia

Really didn't sleep well last night.  I think I must have woke up a million times.  Some time in the night I had a dream, and after that I just couldn't sleep anymore.

It's very rare that I remember the details of my dreams, but last night I had a dream that I can remember very clearly and has gotten me a little unsettled.  Maybe it's because there's so many things going on this weekend (like CNY, V Day, Autoshow, Vancouver 2010, etc.) that all remind me of things from the past.

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I was with some friends somewhere.  The place seemed to be a church or something similar.  I was walking with someone and about to leave.  But close to the entrance/exit, there was a booth selling random things and I saw a familiar face.

It was X.  She was still the same.  T-shirt, jeans, sneakers and an unzipped winter coat.  The only thing that was different was that she wore a hat.

I was still walking towards the doors, and getting closer and closer to her.  I didn't know what to do.  Should I walk by and pretend I didn't know her?  Should I go and say hi?  The heaviness inside was killing me.

X looked up and our eyes met.  I got even more nervous.  I just kept walking because I couldn't decide what to do with myself, despite the fact that I really wanted to talk to her.

But as I walked by, she grabbed me by the arm and stopped me.  I looked at her and, somehow, it was like a message was exchanged between us.

She let go and I walked off.  But I was happy and perfectly satisfied because in that brief moment, there was a mutual understanding.  All the questions that had been in my head for years were answered.

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I really don't know why all these details were in the dream, but it kind of freaks me out because all the details are so 'real'.  The situation, the setting and the people.  They all just fit in so well with what really could happen in my life.

I always wonder what would happen if I saw X on the streets one day.  Somewhere along the line, I promised myself that I would pull her aside and say everything I want to say.  There are just too many things I regret having hesitated about.  Whether these actions are actually appropriate in real life is another issue altogether.

As insane as it sounds, when she touched me in the dream, it was almost like I could actually feel someone touching me.  It was so real that it woke me up.

After all this time, why did I have this dream now?  What does it all mean?  This is going to bug me for a long time.

Perhaps I'm just being overly sensitive to all the things happening this weekend.

(Ironically, three people messaged me today wishing me a happy valentine's day.)