Where are you now?

A strange, but very nice dream last night...

My family was having some special occasion at our house and X was there. My parents obviously don't like her, but somehow she was living in our house. It was early in the morning and I went over to her room. We started talking about preparing for something. She was trying to do something to impress my parents, and I was worried about it. In her attempts to reassure me, we ended up cuddling. And of course, that's the best feeling in the world...

How impossible is that?! But I would love to see it happen!!! If X and my parents can appear in the same scene, that's more than I can wish for!

This dream has got me thinking about her a lot today. A part of me really has the urge to call her up.

What would I say? Would she talk to me? Would she even pick up?

While at dinner with relatives tonight, someone was commenting that I'm "good" because I'm focusing on school and not dating. Someone else said that maybe it's just that they don't know I am. Interestingly, my mom added that she doesn't know either...

All the while, I just sat there...nod and smile...

Why did she say that? Does she really think I'm dating someone? A girl?

I've found it kind of weird that she no longer asks me where I'm going or who I'm going with. Is it because she trusts me? I doubt it. Is it because she realizes she can't control it? I'm not sure. Or is it because she suspects I'm dating a girl again and just wants to deny it and so doesn't want to find out at all?

I really hate how I'm holding back on things I want to do but still end up being suspicious and condemned. It's just not fair. So why should I refrain myself?!

All of a sudden, I realize how much I miss having someone to hug and cuddle with...

*sigh*

[............]

If only you could hear me...

='(