12/31

Haven't seen this MV in a long long time...

I couldn't help going back to the old tree hole. For the first time, I realized that there were no posts during this time. Because, at the time, I simply didn't know how to react to what was going on in my life. Somewhere inside, I knew all along what was happening, but I never expected it to become a reality.

I also noticed there were three unposted entries. They contained things that I was afraid to say/write, because I didn't know how my one and only reader would react. Tonight, I hit the "publish" button on two of those posts, from almost five years ago, because I no longer have anything to fear, because nobody would ever read them or even know that they exist. But the last entry...perhaps will never be posted.

Thinking of...
A movie.
A moment.
An email.

Another year. But everything still seems like yesterday. I can see it all replay in my head, over and over again. I hate myself for having hesitated, because that has undermined my sincerity. But I hate myself more for all the pain and fear that I must have put upon the person I love.

*sigh*

Happy New Year, my dear friend.

[......]