First the paper and solution release is late.
Then you tell me the sample responses are not available until October, when all the exams are completely done and I don't care anymore.
And now you tell me there's no way to view my stuff, so I'm supposed to remember the 50+ pages of crap I wrote to debrief for the next exam.
WTF
This is supposed to be a profession. Can't we do a little better than this?
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Trust
In the last couple of nights, I've had some serious conversations with a friend. Throughout the conversations, I was quite surprised about the story/content and the fact that she was willing to tell me so much personal stuff.
Thank you for trusting me. I don't know why you think I'm trustworthy, nor do I know why you would tell me all this rather than someone else that you see and hang out with more often, but I guarantee that everything is safe with me.
In the midst of all this, the other thing I take away from this is......我冇睇錯人。She's a good person, as I expected. But based on what she told me, she has definitely gained my respect.
How do you decide who to trust? How do you decide who to tell secrets to? How do you decide who to go to for comfort and advice?
I remember a long time ago in high school, a teacher once brought up a quote, "Trust is a two-way street." Over the years, it seems that this is true. I tend to trust the people that trust me. In my mind, the mentality is that if we are friends and you trust me with your personal things and expect a certain level of integrity and respect from me, then I can expect the same from you. Perhaps that's a bit naive. But, of course, there are some people that you can easily tell are exceptions and fall outside of this 'rule'.
Perhaps I still have not found a person that I trust as much as I trust(ed) X. But I can definitely say that I have met a lot of trustworthy people in the last couple of years. Perhaps I trust each of these people to varying degrees, but definitely more so than people that I've met in the past.
Thank you to each of you. I know I can count on you, and I hope you feel the same.
Thank you for trusting me. I don't know why you think I'm trustworthy, nor do I know why you would tell me all this rather than someone else that you see and hang out with more often, but I guarantee that everything is safe with me.
In the midst of all this, the other thing I take away from this is......我冇睇錯人。She's a good person, as I expected. But based on what she told me, she has definitely gained my respect.
How do you decide who to trust? How do you decide who to tell secrets to? How do you decide who to go to for comfort and advice?
I remember a long time ago in high school, a teacher once brought up a quote, "Trust is a two-way street." Over the years, it seems that this is true. I tend to trust the people that trust me. In my mind, the mentality is that if we are friends and you trust me with your personal things and expect a certain level of integrity and respect from me, then I can expect the same from you. Perhaps that's a bit naive. But, of course, there are some people that you can easily tell are exceptions and fall outside of this 'rule'.
Perhaps I still have not found a person that I trust as much as I trust(ed) X. But I can definitely say that I have met a lot of trustworthy people in the last couple of years. Perhaps I trust each of these people to varying degrees, but definitely more so than people that I've met in the past.
Thank you to each of you. I know I can count on you, and I hope you feel the same.
Monday, July 25, 2011
1
That...just made my day! =)
I NEVER expected that. I was expecting anywhere from 4 to 6. So ending up with a 1 just completely blew me away. Not only that, the more detailed results are surprisingly good too. Didn't do great on one particular question, but that was expected because I was short on time for that one. But to do so well on every other question was really a huge surprise. This was a higher score and a very consistent score across the board, which never happened in any of the mock exams. So totally unexpected!
They say that if you can get 1 to 3 on this, you'll most likely past the next exam. I really hope that's true! Six weeks to go. If I can keep it up until then, I think things might actually work out fine!
UFE...here I come!
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Good times...good people...
It's been a really long time since I've had the time to go out and hang out with friends for an entire day like this.
Go-karting was not really what I expected. Although it was a long time ago since I've been go-karting, this was quite different. The go-karting I've done has always been outdoors on a fairly big track with the smell of gasoline. This time, it was indoors and the track was small and the karts were electric. None the less, it was good. As I expected, certain people were more aggressive than others. Would have been better if we had our own race, without other random people.
Karaoke was a little unexpected. It's not something that I would ever suggest, simply because I'm not much of a singer. When people suggest it, my first reaction is usually I don't really want to go. But 99% of the time, I do end up going. And of course, that means I get "forced" to sing. Regardless, in the end, it always turns out to be fun. For me, it's entertaining enough to watch other people sing and go crazy. In this case, I guess because we all have something in common, there was some 'common ground' in the choice of music.
The people that were here today are not those that I see and talk to most. But in some ways, I prefer to hang out with them rather than the people that I work and study with. In the end, there is a common understanding among this group. I can say whatever and talk about whatever and it doesn't matter. In some ways, it's more relaxing because I don't need to be cautious and don't need to keep my guard up.
Overall, it was nice day with some good people.
Go-karting was not really what I expected. Although it was a long time ago since I've been go-karting, this was quite different. The go-karting I've done has always been outdoors on a fairly big track with the smell of gasoline. This time, it was indoors and the track was small and the karts were electric. None the less, it was good. As I expected, certain people were more aggressive than others. Would have been better if we had our own race, without other random people.
Karaoke was a little unexpected. It's not something that I would ever suggest, simply because I'm not much of a singer. When people suggest it, my first reaction is usually I don't really want to go. But 99% of the time, I do end up going. And of course, that means I get "forced" to sing. Regardless, in the end, it always turns out to be fun. For me, it's entertaining enough to watch other people sing and go crazy. In this case, I guess because we all have something in common, there was some 'common ground' in the choice of music.
The people that were here today are not those that I see and talk to most. But in some ways, I prefer to hang out with them rather than the people that I work and study with. In the end, there is a common understanding among this group. I can say whatever and talk about whatever and it doesn't matter. In some ways, it's more relaxing because I don't need to be cautious and don't need to keep my guard up.
Overall, it was nice day with some good people.
Friday, July 22, 2011
Round 2....Done!
So I sat there this morning, on campus, and hit refresh on the browser no less than a million times from 9:59am to 10am. I think they were a few minutes late?!
Relief.
My name was on the list. I passed. 2/3 exams done.
To make it even better:
(1) My two study buddies also passed
(2) The other few ppl we sometimes work with all passed.
It feels great to pass. But it's even better knowing that we'll all be moving on to the next challenge together, and continue to support each other. And I'm so glad that a few people who were struggling before made it through. We all worked really hard, and all deserve this.
Unfortunately, I know there are a few people who didn't make it. One person I saw this morning was in tears and I really didn't know what to say to her. Regardless, I know they worked hard too and it won't be long before they continue on. Add oil! And at least they'll get to enjoy the rest of the summer!
Thank you to all my studying buddies who taught me a lot and forced me to study and write cases all along the way and kept me from slacking off.
Thank you to the 3 or 4 ppl who checked my results for me this morning, knowing that I might not be able to do so. Thanks for all the congrats.
UFE...here we come!!!
Relief.
My name was on the list. I passed. 2/3 exams done.
To make it even better:
(1) My two study buddies also passed
(2) The other few ppl we sometimes work with all passed.
It feels great to pass. But it's even better knowing that we'll all be moving on to the next challenge together, and continue to support each other. And I'm so glad that a few people who were struggling before made it through. We all worked really hard, and all deserve this.
Unfortunately, I know there are a few people who didn't make it. One person I saw this morning was in tears and I really didn't know what to say to her. Regardless, I know they worked hard too and it won't be long before they continue on. Add oil! And at least they'll get to enjoy the rest of the summer!
Thank you to all my studying buddies who taught me a lot and forced me to study and write cases all along the way and kept me from slacking off.
Thank you to the 3 or 4 ppl who checked my results for me this morning, knowing that I might not be able to do so. Thanks for all the congrats.
UFE...here we come!!!
Farewell
Tonight was absolutely awesome!
A lot of people!
A lot of pictures!
A lot of truth or dare!
A lot of pool/snooker!
A lot of drinks!
I think everyone would agree this was the best event we've had in the last two years. Pretty much everyone was there. And everyone had drinks, including those that don't normally drink. The good part was that people really mingled and hung out with people they don't normally chat with. A few people brought in their boyfriend/girlfriend.
Me...lots of pool...a cocktail, a beer and a tequila shot. Guess it was all spread out over such a long time that I really didn't feel anything.
Over all...good times with all the people that struggled through the last two years with me.
Hopefully, we can keep in touch.
Congrats, everyone!
A lot of people!
A lot of pictures!
A lot of truth or dare!
A lot of pool/snooker!
A lot of drinks!
I think everyone would agree this was the best event we've had in the last two years. Pretty much everyone was there. And everyone had drinks, including those that don't normally drink. The good part was that people really mingled and hung out with people they don't normally chat with. A few people brought in their boyfriend/girlfriend.
Me...lots of pool...a cocktail, a beer and a tequila shot. Guess it was all spread out over such a long time that I really didn't feel anything.
Over all...good times with all the people that struggled through the last two years with me.
Hopefully, we can keep in touch.
Congrats, everyone!
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Whatever happens happens...
I think my mother saw something on my computer that she shouldn't have saw.
I can't be sure if she really saw it or not, but the small picture was there in front of her for a second or two. Hopefully she did not see it. Because if she did, then she must currently be very suspicious of me and who I hang out with. In fact, she must think that I've still been keeping contact with X.
I think a bunch of people saw me on Friday night.
I'm not quite sure who saw me and if they saw who I was with, but I've been told that someone saw me.
Potentially, I've just created a huge disaster for myself. It's quite possible that some of those conservative people in my class now know more than they need to know. It's quite possible that some people are gonna be on my back again.
At first, I was thinking I need to be a little more cautious now.
But on second thought, maybe it's not so bad for things to accidentally happen like this.
For one thing, whoever saw me Friday has not approached me. So maybe they're not as conservative as I think, and there's really no issue at all.
And the other, maybe this will sort of force my mother to think about the whole thing again. Perhaps she'll realize that nothing's really changed over the years and, yes, I still think about that 'horrible' person out there that she hates so much. And, yes, you better believe that after all these years that I know exactly what I'm doing and it was never a mistake or misunderstanding. Wake up and face the reality.
So...
I will continue doing what I do.
Whatever happens happens.
If it's another battle I need to fight. Then so be it. At least, this time, I won't be hurting a third person.
I can't be sure if she really saw it or not, but the small picture was there in front of her for a second or two. Hopefully she did not see it. Because if she did, then she must currently be very suspicious of me and who I hang out with. In fact, she must think that I've still been keeping contact with X.
I think a bunch of people saw me on Friday night.
I'm not quite sure who saw me and if they saw who I was with, but I've been told that someone saw me.
Potentially, I've just created a huge disaster for myself. It's quite possible that some of those conservative people in my class now know more than they need to know. It's quite possible that some people are gonna be on my back again.
At first, I was thinking I need to be a little more cautious now.
But on second thought, maybe it's not so bad for things to accidentally happen like this.
For one thing, whoever saw me Friday has not approached me. So maybe they're not as conservative as I think, and there's really no issue at all.
And the other, maybe this will sort of force my mother to think about the whole thing again. Perhaps she'll realize that nothing's really changed over the years and, yes, I still think about that 'horrible' person out there that she hates so much. And, yes, you better believe that after all these years that I know exactly what I'm doing and it was never a mistake or misunderstanding. Wake up and face the reality.
So...
I will continue doing what I do.
Whatever happens happens.
If it's another battle I need to fight. Then so be it. At least, this time, I won't be hurting a third person.
Saturday, July 16, 2011
First Encounter
Tonight was rather strange......
I don't know how this happened, but somehow in the end it appears that I pulled together a group of strangers, with me being the only person who (sort of) knows everyone. Very unlike me to be doing something like that. And most likely to never happen again.
Having chat with each person (except one) individually after the fact, I guess it was okay and everyone is still good. But being the person that sort of brought it together, it all felt kinda of awkward with so much dead air.
I'm very picky about who I choose to hang out with. If I cannot in some way or form get the impression that you're a respectable person, I have no interest in dealing with you. We can chat, be an acquaintance and whatever, but I would take no real interest in really forming a relationship.
Everyone that was here tonight are people that I have, in some way or form, come to believe are good, respectable, trustworthy people.
And I'd like to keep it that way.
Having chat with each person (except one) individually after the fact, I guess it was okay and everyone is still good. But being the person that sort of brought it together, it all felt kinda of awkward with so much dead air.
I'm very picky about who I choose to hang out with. If I cannot in some way or form get the impression that you're a respectable person, I have no interest in dealing with you. We can chat, be an acquaintance and whatever, but I would take no real interest in really forming a relationship.
Everyone that was here tonight are people that I have, in some way or form, come to believe are good, respectable, trustworthy people.
And I'd like to keep it that way.
Friday, July 15, 2011
Come and Go
Came across this article today:
Youth Run Even in Markham Aims to Rule the Night This Weekend
The first time I went to this night market thing was probably when it first started. I remember there was one night we went out for dinner with some family friends and then we all went to this event when it was at Metro Square. Other than that, I don't remember what happened.
Reading this, the first thing that caught my attention was the person being interviewed. Five or six years ago I had known that person through a forum. If I remember correctly, we used to chat quite a bit. And there was one year when she asked me if I was interested in helping out at this event. In the end, I never did and never actually met this person. Eventually, things died off and lost contact. I don't even remember who she is on the forum anymore.
Perhaps its my own fault. There was a bunch of people that I used to chat with regularly. But then came along X and maybe I sort of neglected some people.
Seeing this name in the article also reminds me of a few other people.....
Perhaps I should get in touch with Fish and Jiu again......
Youth Run Even in Markham Aims to Rule the Night This Weekend
The first time I went to this night market thing was probably when it first started. I remember there was one night we went out for dinner with some family friends and then we all went to this event when it was at Metro Square. Other than that, I don't remember what happened.
Reading this, the first thing that caught my attention was the person being interviewed. Five or six years ago I had known that person through a forum. If I remember correctly, we used to chat quite a bit. And there was one year when she asked me if I was interested in helping out at this event. In the end, I never did and never actually met this person. Eventually, things died off and lost contact. I don't even remember who she is on the forum anymore.
Perhaps its my own fault. There was a bunch of people that I used to chat with regularly. But then came along X and maybe I sort of neglected some people.
Seeing this name in the article also reminds me of a few other people.....
Perhaps I should get in touch with Fish and Jiu again......
Thursday, July 14, 2011
One More Ticket
While taking grad photos the other day, something came to mind again......
Two years ago, when I started this program, I told myself that I would invite a certain person to my convocation. There's probably less than four months left, but I have no idea how I could possibly do this.
I could send out the ticket and the message would be understood. But judging from my last attempt just months ago, and the disappearance of a certain site, that would never be enough.
All of these years, I've never attempted to pick up the phone and call. I hate myself for having forgotten that phone number that was once dedicated to me. I'm not sure if it's because I'm afraid of the possibility of starting another disaster, or if it's because I'm afraid of being rejected. What would happen if I really did call? Would that convince my guest to come? Would that bring about a change of heart?
If I really could convince my guest to come, what would happen then? All the different parts of my life that I have kept separate would all of a sudden collide and clash. All I can picture is everything falling apart all over again.
What should I do?
Two years ago, when I started this program, I told myself that I would invite a certain person to my convocation. There's probably less than four months left, but I have no idea how I could possibly do this.
I could send out the ticket and the message would be understood. But judging from my last attempt just months ago, and the disappearance of a certain site, that would never be enough.
All of these years, I've never attempted to pick up the phone and call. I hate myself for having forgotten that phone number that was once dedicated to me. I'm not sure if it's because I'm afraid of the possibility of starting another disaster, or if it's because I'm afraid of being rejected. What would happen if I really did call? Would that convince my guest to come? Would that bring about a change of heart?
If I really could convince my guest to come, what would happen then? All the different parts of my life that I have kept separate would all of a sudden collide and clash. All I can picture is everything falling apart all over again.
What should I do?
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
牀前十分
Listened to all four episodes of the 自己人 radio drama 牀前十分. The one that got me was definitely the second episode. Especially because of these two lines...
"以後有咩事都好﹐ 間屋同我都一定係到。 有咩事﹐ 反黎啦。"
"如果可以同前度做反好朋友﹐ 個種感覺真係好好。 你會知道係呢個世界上面﹐ 情況去到幾壞都好﹐ 係某一個角落﹐ 會有一個人依然會為你著緊。"
I have faith that these are true.
Just because you're not together doesn't mean you stop loving that person. If you can stop loving that person, then did you really ever love at all?
You can call me stupid for believing in such things, but I do believe.
Because if they weren't, she would not be that amazing person that I love and admire so much.
Monday, July 11, 2011
Double Standards
While randomly chatting with my parents today, we started talking about K and her bf. Obviously, my parents do not like the fact that this guy is Korean and seems to be a mommy's boy. Seeing as I have never met him, I have no comment on this.
What my parents are concerned about is that Korean people have very traditional family views and women have a relatively lower status than men. So the concern is that the bf's family will not like K and would want the bf to find someone else. Seeing as this guy doesn't seem very independent, the possible outcome would be that he would listen to his family and end the relationship.
I agree that this is potentially an issue. But to hear my parents say this sort of annoyed me.
So you realize that it would be bad or hurtful for K if this guy decides to listen to his parents and sacrifice the relationship. And, potentially, you would hate the guy for doing it.
But, somehow, you thought it was okay to make me do the same thing. To you, it was perfectly okay to force me to follow your wishes and sacrifice the person on the other side that I equally love? To you, it was perfectly okay that you made me do something so horrible to someone else? To you, the integrity and feelings of that other person meant nothing?
In school, they always mentioned the golden rule in class, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."
If you do not want to be treated that way, how can you go and do the same thing to someone else? If you don't want your kid being treated that way, how could you tell me to do the same thing? For whatever reason, there's always double standards.
I really do not understand.
What my parents are concerned about is that Korean people have very traditional family views and women have a relatively lower status than men. So the concern is that the bf's family will not like K and would want the bf to find someone else. Seeing as this guy doesn't seem very independent, the possible outcome would be that he would listen to his family and end the relationship.
I agree that this is potentially an issue. But to hear my parents say this sort of annoyed me.
So you realize that it would be bad or hurtful for K if this guy decides to listen to his parents and sacrifice the relationship. And, potentially, you would hate the guy for doing it.
But, somehow, you thought it was okay to make me do the same thing. To you, it was perfectly okay to force me to follow your wishes and sacrifice the person on the other side that I equally love? To you, it was perfectly okay that you made me do something so horrible to someone else? To you, the integrity and feelings of that other person meant nothing?
In school, they always mentioned the golden rule in class, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."
If you do not want to be treated that way, how can you go and do the same thing to someone else? If you don't want your kid being treated that way, how could you tell me to do the same thing? For whatever reason, there's always double standards.
I really do not understand.
Saturday, July 9, 2011
The Smart Kid
To that, I said that I pretend to be smart.
Earlier in the day, a friend sent me a message and asked me if I was interested in applying to the firm that she's working at. Seeing as I haven't officially accepted my current offer, I said yes. She told me to keep it low key because it was sort of a private thing, and that she was asking me because I was "crazy good".
To this, I just laughed.
For whatever reason, a lot of people have the impression that I'm very smart and very good at what I do. Perhaps that's a good thing, because it means I have a pretty good reputation. On the other hand, that also means I have to keep up with that and not screw up.
All my life, I've worked hard and have gotten good grades most of the time. For the most part, I do admit I can spend relatively little time (compared to a lot of people) and still do relatively well. I do admit that I have helped my teams win. And I do admit that I've gotten prizes, awards and scholarships. But I have never thought of myself as a smart kid.
I can guarantee that there are people in my class right now who have a lot more technical knowledge than I do. But perhaps why I do better than them is because (1) I can communicate better than them and (2) I can make use of what (relatively little) I do know more skillfully and, in the end, give people the impression that I know what I'm talking about.
But the reality is...sometimes, I seriously do not know.
Having gone to seven or eight different schools/campuses during my lifetime, and having been in advanced placement programs, I've met a lot of smart people. A lot of them have gone on to do great things with their lives. There are people out there who know a lot more than I do and work a lot harder than I do. Some of gone on to be doctors and consultants and entrepreneurs and what have you. And, here I am, still in school.
They are the smart kids.
Me......I'm just playing my role, pretending to be smart, screwing up my life, fooling the world, trying to get to I don't know where.
Backspace
Still the same...
"has been removed"...does that mean the owner removed it?
"address is not available"...does that mean it's there but not published?
Having temporarily gone through this once before, I've already locked it away in my own way. But it's not losing the content that gets me down. It's the fact that it appears the owner has decided to take it down.
It's been there for all these years, for so long. Why take it down now?
What was the motivation? What does it mean? What am I supposed to make of it?
I'm trying, and I'm about to get one step closer. But I can only move so fast. Don't back away from me now...
*sigh*
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Awkward Conversation of the Day
J: Can I set you up on a date?
S: Sure.
J: Really?
S: What kind of date?
J: Like a double date. With me and my fiance and my friend.
S: Oh. Okay.
J: (turns to me) You too. I have a lot of single guy friends.
Me: lol....right.
S: Sure.
J: Really?
S: What kind of date?
J: Like a double date. With me and my fiance and my friend.
S: Oh. Okay.
J: (turns to me) You too. I have a lot of single guy friends.
Me: lol....right.
Monday, July 4, 2011
Pride 2011
Last year, for some reason, I managed to catch most of the parade on tv live. This year, I was out doing stuff and didn't see anything.
The first thing I saw relating to Pride today was the evening news. Of course, the news is on at a time when everyone is sitting together having dinner. I don't even know how to explain how awkward it is whenever I'm sitting with the rest of the family and something like this goes on the tv. Usually, I have two options: (1) pretend to not pay attention and not care, or (2) find something to talk about and drown out the tv. Today I chose #2. -_-'' When will there be a day when this is no longer an issue?
The second thing I saw relating to Pride is the link to the Toronto Star article about Pride. Nothing was particularly catchy except that some person's comment was, "There were also more nudes this year." And that is the main reason why I really do not take so much interest in this parade. Yes, we value freedom of expression. Yes, it's great that people are proud of who they are. But where does the need for nudity come from? Walking around naked is not exactly what freedom of expression and pride is about. Quite honestly, I really don't see how nude people are going to increase people's support for gay rights. How can you blame people for linking gay/les people to sex when this is how you portray yourself to the public?
So now this sounds like some straight person's argument about why they are against Pride...
The first thing I saw relating to Pride today was the evening news. Of course, the news is on at a time when everyone is sitting together having dinner. I don't even know how to explain how awkward it is whenever I'm sitting with the rest of the family and something like this goes on the tv. Usually, I have two options: (1) pretend to not pay attention and not care, or (2) find something to talk about and drown out the tv. Today I chose #2. -_-'' When will there be a day when this is no longer an issue?
The second thing I saw relating to Pride is the link to the Toronto Star article about Pride. Nothing was particularly catchy except that some person's comment was, "There were also more nudes this year." And that is the main reason why I really do not take so much interest in this parade. Yes, we value freedom of expression. Yes, it's great that people are proud of who they are. But where does the need for nudity come from? Walking around naked is not exactly what freedom of expression and pride is about. Quite honestly, I really don't see how nude people are going to increase people's support for gay rights. How can you blame people for linking gay/les people to sex when this is how you portray yourself to the public?
So now this sounds like some straight person's argument about why they are against Pride...
Sunday, July 3, 2011
Saturday, July 2, 2011
Post-Exam
Guess I should have a record of some sort for this...
First of all, to put things in perspective, the time constraint of this exam is quite insane. How so? It's bad enough that anyone that needs to go to the washroom RUNS to the washroom. Because every minute counts. Both days, before the official start time, as we waited for the "go", I sat there and felt how fast my heart rate was. Everyone brings snacks and water and what not, but there's simply no time for any of that.
Day 1: Pacing was not too good. It's always hard to judge. Everyone starts out somewhat relaxed and then you always realize you need to speed up, and eventually you're in a panic to finish. Wasn't too rushed. Would have liked to add a bit to some parts, but at least I covered them. The topic was interesting and not really what I expected. Overall, okay.
Day 2: Pacing was even worse. 10min over on Q2, meaning 10min less on Q3. In an exam with this insane time limit, 10min over is a big deal. By the time I finished Q2, I was in a bit of panic and almost feel my hands shaking as I started reading Q3. Regardless, did Q3 in a rush, but still managed to address everything, even if only superficially.
The sad part is...over lunch...when you start discussing things with other people, you start to realize that you probably screwed up. I always try to avoid these discussions, but it's virtually impossible.
Anyhow...it's all said and done.
If I fail, that means I need to go through this all over again next year. If I pass, that means it's time to start prepping for the next (and last) exam. Either way, there's nothing good aheaad. -_-''
For now...a brutal 20 day wait.
First of all, to put things in perspective, the time constraint of this exam is quite insane. How so? It's bad enough that anyone that needs to go to the washroom RUNS to the washroom. Because every minute counts. Both days, before the official start time, as we waited for the "go", I sat there and felt how fast my heart rate was. Everyone brings snacks and water and what not, but there's simply no time for any of that.
Day 1: Pacing was not too good. It's always hard to judge. Everyone starts out somewhat relaxed and then you always realize you need to speed up, and eventually you're in a panic to finish. Wasn't too rushed. Would have liked to add a bit to some parts, but at least I covered them. The topic was interesting and not really what I expected. Overall, okay.
Day 2: Pacing was even worse. 10min over on Q2, meaning 10min less on Q3. In an exam with this insane time limit, 10min over is a big deal. By the time I finished Q2, I was in a bit of panic and almost feel my hands shaking as I started reading Q3. Regardless, did Q3 in a rush, but still managed to address everything, even if only superficially.
The sad part is...over lunch...when you start discussing things with other people, you start to realize that you probably screwed up. I always try to avoid these discussions, but it's virtually impossible.
Anyhow...it's all said and done.
If I fail, that means I need to go through this all over again next year. If I pass, that means it's time to start prepping for the next (and last) exam. Either way, there's nothing good aheaad. -_-''
For now...a brutal 20 day wait.
Friday, July 1, 2011
青蔥
Long before the release of this song, hocc posted the first four lines of the lyrics on fb one day:
小時候說的話 你記得嗎
我們描述不遠的未來 要變成太陽月亮
你現在實現了嗎 還是跟我一樣
偶爾抱著沮喪睡著了嗎
I looked at that and clearly felt the sadness in it.
All the things that were said. All the things that were planned. All of which never became reality. All of which make up some of my biggest regrets. All of which I can never seem to forget.
The last 5 or 6 years have been rough. The best of times. The worst of times. Maybe things have changed. Maybe I've changed. Maybe I never knew myself.
Like what the song says...within all the things that happened, I realized that I'm not the person that I thought I was:
I'm not as honest as I thought.
I'm not as considerate as I thought.
I'm not as respectful as I thought.
I'm not as disciplined as I thought.
I'm not as strong as I thought.
I'm not as mature as I thought.
I'm not as smart as I thought.
I am clearly not the good person that I always imagined myself to be.
I can be emotional.
I can be stubborn.
I can be ignorant.
I can be irrational.
I can be selfish.
I can be an idiot.
Who am I?
Sometimes, I just don't know.
And now...someone or something is wiping out the part of my life when I learned the most (about life, about love, about myself).
Thank you for reducing my existence to nothingness.
='(
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