青蔥

Long before the release of this song, hocc posted the first four lines of the lyrics on fb one day:

小時候說的話 你記得嗎
我們描述不遠的未來 要變成太陽月亮
你現在實現了嗎 還是跟我一樣
偶爾抱著沮喪睡著了嗎

I looked at that and clearly felt the sadness in it.

All the things that were said. All the things that were planned. All of which never became reality. All of which make up some of my biggest regrets. All of which I can never seem to forget.

The last 5 or 6 years have been rough. The best of times. The worst of times. Maybe things have changed. Maybe I've changed. Maybe I never knew myself.

Like what the song says...within all the things that happened, I realized that I'm not the person that I thought I was:

I'm not as honest as I thought.
I'm not as considerate as I thought.
I'm not as respectful as I thought.
I'm not as disciplined as I thought.
I'm not as strong as I thought.
I'm not as mature as I thought.
I'm not as smart as I thought.

I am clearly not the good person that I always imagined myself to be.

I can be emotional.
I can be stubborn.
I can be ignorant.
I can be irrational.
I can be selfish.
I can be an idiot.

Who am I?

Sometimes, I just don't know.

And now...someone or something is wiping out the part of my life when I learned the most (about life, about love, about myself).

Thank you for reducing my existence to nothingness.

='(