她...

I never expected it to happen like this.

While at the supermarket closest to my house, I casually looked around while my mom and K picked whatever they were picking. A person in the distance looked familiar and made me look back.

I took another look.

The same blue jacket. The same brownish, wavy hair. The same sunglasses on her head. The same gait. And a coffee in hand.

I could feel my body shake, my head start to spin, and that chest pain.

It's her. It really is her.

Thank goodness for the sunglasses I had on. It was hard to keep my eyes from tearing up.

Running shoes, as always. But not ones I've seen. Khaki's, not jeans. Perhaps I've spent too little time with her in the summer. Almost looks a little foreign to me, but still typically her style.

There's someone with her. Long hair. More feminine. Probably around her age. Can't help but wonder what their relationship is.

They disappeared out of my line of sight. I thought that was it. But as we walked towards the exit, they stepped out, right in front of us.

It was like a scene out of my dreams. And the worst possible one.

I am walking...with my mom...less than 10ft behind her.

How could this possibly be happening?

They cross the road. As always, she was watching out for that person she was with. She always had a tendency to lead me across the road.

We're still behind them.

They walk off to the end of the parking lot.

They get to a car. It's not hippo. She takes the driver's side. Typical of her. It's too far for me to see the license. Black. Looks like a Mazda. Hatchback. Tinted windows. The car is everything we once talked about.

They got in the car and rolled the windows down, but didn't start the engine.

At the same time, I started the car to leave.

It's been 5 years since I last saw her.

I never expected to run into her like this. I never expected to run into her here. I never expected it would be at a time when my mom is right beside me.

If I was alone, I would have confronted her. I've been waiting for this chance all along. I don't care who she's with. I want to talk to her.

But circumstances today were impossible.

There was a girl with her. I'm pretty sure I know who it is, considering it's a Saturday afternoon and she's in this area. But it still makes me jealous that I can't be walking around with her like that.

Did she see me? I don't think so. But perhaps she did in the distance. If so, what is she thinking now?

Did my mom see her? I don't know. As far as I know, my mom has never met her before. She shouldn't have known. But, there were things that happened behind my back that I still don't know about.

For the last few weeks I've been thinking about the next steps, the things that I could do, the things that I want to say to her. And now this happened.

The sight of her still gets me excited and gets my heart racing. Having to leave still creates that unbearable heaviness inside.

Life is so cruel.

My head is spinning, and that chest pain is back. It feels like that bottomless pit all over again.

The person that I've never stopped loving all these years was right in front of me, and I could not even say a single word to her.

='(