Still...blank...
Am I hopeful? Not really. I know not to set my expectations too high, but I still hope.
Am I disappointed? Perhaps. Slightly. But in a strangely calm way. Or maybe I'm just numb, or avoiding the thought altogether.
I suddenly realize that what I said was not very smart.
I said I'd try again.
But is that appropriate? Do I even have the courage to do it?
Or should I keep waiting? Until when?
The more I think about it, the more I feel like an idiot.
It's always like this. I pull myself together to do something and then half of me starts to regret it. I hope, and then I get disappointed and crushed. Yet, I set out again to do it all over again.
Why? For what?
Why the f**k am I going about making a fool of myself again and again?
Sometimes, I'm not sure.
All because it means something to me.
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