Giving away my secrets...

For whatever reason, all the bad things always happen at the worse possible times. Of the 365 days in the year, this conversation had to take place today. If only I had 'luck' like this all the time.

You can call me selfish. You can call me greedy. But my actions are more than words. You're entitled to your opinion, but I'm also entitled to mine. I've done more than expected in a way you dislike. In the end, I don't see how there's a difference between what I did and what you want.

If I was selfish, I would not still be here today. If I was selfish, I wouldn't be giving you more than you expect. If I was selfish, I would have left 6 years ago.

All along, I've been wondering what you're thinking and whether you've had a change of mind/heart. Today, I finally know.

You say I have many secrets. Perhaps that's true. But the secrets only exist because you refuse to hear the truth. If you could listen to me and accept what I say, there would be no need for secrets, and I would gladly share the ups and downs with you. But after all these years, you still refuse to see things my way. You leave me no choice but to keep playing this game and keeping my secrets.

Perhaps there are things you know without me even saying it. You will think whatever you want, even though I chose not to admit or deny anything today. Your thinking is correct, and you know exactly why. In the end, we both know very well what the issue is and what's going on right now. Things are just waiting to happen, and one of these days, it's all going to explode.

I tried to brush this all off today and not let it get to me, but that never seems to work. Certain things that were said today keeps coming back in my head. Perhaps it's because some of it was really upsetting.

But I know what bugs me most is that I have nothing. I destroyed my relationship with one person in hopes of saving another, only to see both sides abandon me. In the end, I've lost both sides and am worse off than before.

Worth it? I have no idea where this is taking me. A part of me is stuck in time, holding on to something dear to the heart. A part of me wants to give up on everything and simply walk the rest of the journey alone. In the end, perhaps it doesn't make a difference.