Forever Hanging

If you care, then why won't you show yourself? Literally, 5 minutes away, and you still would not come.

If you don't care, then why can't you just tell me off? Say it to me, for real, and I can put an end to it all.

But you do neither. Am I really so worthless that you can't give me two minutes of your time?

Every now and then I want to say that I hate you for doing exactly what you told me not to do.

But every time, I hate myself for even thinking that, because I know deep down I really don't mean it at all.

Talk to me...

Look, I bought your favourite toy.
I don't want to see it go to waste.

Why does the reluctant runner have to run?

The Brightest Star

Just before you go to bed tonight, look out your window...

See that one little star shining down just for you?

Every time it twinkles, it's me saying I love you, and I miss you, and I can't wait until you're here with me again.









Happy birthday, my dear friend.

I wish you another year of joy and laughter, and hope that you stay healthy and happy.

Wherever you are, whatever you're doing these days, you'll always be on my mind and in my heart.

You'll always be that shining star to me.

No Show #2

The reluctant runner is still running...

I was a little bolder this time.
I was a little calmer this time.

Perhaps I've failed so many times that I just feel numb to it all.

But when the silence set in around me, i realize (again) that it still means a lot to me.

For some reason, I had a gut feeling that this could be it. Hence, I made a little extra effort to finish something I started years ago.

But nothing.
As expected.

If I could, I would have wrote the words "不見不散".

I guess...this little guy won't be united with his siblings.

I guess...from now on, I'll have my own little buddy to hold, however dangerous it may be.

Shattered Hopes

I knew you wouldn't come. I guess I didn't expect you to. But I still tried.

I was a little bolder this time. I chose a place close by. Walkable distance. I guess a part of me did really hope...

For whatever reason, a part of me had the gut feeling that maybe you would show up. And hence, I actually made an effort to do something more, to finish something I started a long time ago.

People came in and out of the coffee shop, but none of them was you. I waited as long as I could, but no sign of you. If I could, I would have wrote "不見不散", but circumstances make that impossible.

At some point, I had the urge to take a bolder step and barge in on you, but I decided against that. Would that be a wise or stupid move? Would it show you that I'm for real? Or would it anger you even more?

It's not the first time. I'm used to it.

I took a nice long drive on a familiar route. Music up. Windows down. The freedom gives me a rush, but the silence makes my mind and heart run away with thoughts of you.

Perhaps I'll have better luck next time...

Perhaps one of these days I'll finally give up...

What to do with my customized monkey? It's dangerous to keep it around me, but I can't possibly get rid of him.

This is not how it was supposed to work.

*sigh*

5 Candles

Time flies...

I wonder what you're like...

Mischief - Part II

It's been years since I've touched my little project. I can no longer find the website that I used as a guideline. All I can do is finish it based on my knowledge/experience. Hopefully, it'll turn out okay.

For some reason, in my mind, I thought it said something different. But either way, it works.

Hopefully, this won't come to be a waste.

But...what are the chances?

Mischief - Part I

I stepped into a particular store today to pick up something. The store owner greeted me and said I hadn't been there in a long time.

Strange. She doesn't know me.

Of course I haven't been there in a long time. I 'dread' the sight of the things that sit in the store's windows. Nor do I have a reason to be there.

Perhaps she was just trying to make conversation in hopes of me making a big purchase. She tried to convince me to buy a pair instead of just one.

I wish I could. I wish there was a reason for me to.

Long time no see, my little friend.

Hopefully, you'll only stay with me for a few days.

See that one little star?

I went in looking for a birthday card.

I couldn't find a birthday card that was just right, but I found this.  It's not a birthday card, but I guess that doesn't really matter.

This is the most (in)appropriate card.

It's perfect in that it alludes to something important.  But it's a risk, because maybe it says a little too much.

Then again, perhaps the idea of a card is already too much, so it really makes no difference.

A few simple wishes. And a sticky note.

I'm such an idiot.

Way back when...

Randomly picked up a tax return today and started working on it. When I got to the mother of the family, I looked at the name and it sounded oddly familiar. I know this name from somewhere.

I thought and thought, but couldn't remember where I knew that name from. Then I sifted through the file. The first thing I saw...YCDSB.

This woman was one of my high school teachers. Grade 12 calculus.

I'm willing to bet that this teacher would still remember me. (Over the years, it appears that there are a lot of teachers/people that know of me, and I never knew.) But regardless, I definitely remember her.

She was a great teacher. I'd say one of the best that I've ever had. She taught calculus, but I clearly remember her helping students with physics and other subjects. A very gentle and caring person who always had a big smile on her face. And, hence, she went on to be a counselor in addition to a teacher.

Back then, I looked at this lady and thought she was probably pretty old. It turns out she's retired from being a teacher now, but still doing work on her own.

Amazing how small the world is.
Amazing how people are connected.

Amazing how nice it is think about the good old days, when life was simple.

Not good enough?

I can win every contest and competition in my program.

I can write the most difficult exams and pass with flying colours.

I can tell the CEO of a $20 million business that what he's doing is wrong.

I can impress everyone around me and make them think I'm great.

But, no matter what I do, I can't get you to say a single word to me.

What do I need to do to make you believe me?

No need for words...

Another strange dream. This one was slightly scary, but had a happy ending...

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I was at a hospital. I'm not sure why, and I don't know who I was with. But, somehow, by chance, while I was there, I learned that she was there, as a patient.

I left, but went back on my own afterwards. Somehow, I managed to find her, but didn't have the courage to go up to her. I was worried, but all I could do was sit outside and watch what was going on through the opening in the curtains.

Something had happened to her foot or leg. It looked serious, and seemed like she couldn't walk. Her family was there, and they looked very upset.

At some point, her family left. I continued to watch her from afar, through the curtains. It hurt to see her lying there in the hospital.

I thought I couldn't be seen, but then I noticed she was looking at me. Our eyes met. She weakly motioned for me to go to her side. I hesitated, but walked up to her side.

My eyes started getting watery. I don't know if it was because it hurt to see her so weak, or because I couldn't believe that she was still willing to see me. I told her how I thought she'd never want to see me again. She took my hand into hers, and looked me in the eye.

She didn't say anything. But it was understood.

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Are dreams a reflection of the past? Are they a reflection of my current thoughts? Or are they a prediction of the future? A lot of the elements in this dream are bits and pieces from my life. Somehow, they've been pieced together in the strangest ways and she's been thrown into it.

Perhaps because it's March again...

After the events of the last few months, I'm more discouraged than ever before. But, at the same time, some things tell me otherwise.

Where do I stand? What should I do?

3/1

As far as I can remember, I've probably only seen you about ten times. Within those few encounters, we probably did not even talk much. But I have a deep impression of you, perhaps because of all the things that I've heard.

You deserve much more than this life ever gave you.

God bless.

RIP.