I've been waiting a long long time for a chance like this.
Now that it's slowly approaching, I don't know what to do.
But, the reality is, I might never get a chance like this again for a long long time. If I don't make use of it, I may regret it forever.
Is this really what I want to do? Is this really what I should do? What am I going to achieve, if anything? What damage could I do, if any? What are the consequences if things go wrong?
I've always operated under restrictions. This will potentially be the one time when all of these restrictions are gone. This time, can I really carry through and make something of it?
Where would I go? How long could I stay? What would I do if A or B happens?
I've tried, and tried, and tried, and seemed to have gotten myself nowhere. No matter what I do, it seems I can't get any closer to where I want to be. Could this even make a difference? Or will I make a fool of myself yet again, even more so than before, and make things worse?
I'm afraid to think about it, but time is ticking.
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