Melt Down

Before M left for the other side of the world, I was sort of against her decision.  She had sort of sensed it although I did not admit it.  In fact, she was a little angry/upset that I was against her decision.  And that, in turn, sort of annoyed me, because she really didn't see what I was thinking.  But, at that point, I didn't want to say any more.

I am all for caring for family and taking care of them.  In fact, I think I can very honestly say that I put my family ahead of everything else in my life in many ways.  (Unfortunately, maybe so much so that I've lost other things that are important to me.)  The way I see it, when you bring this into the picture, I cannot find a better argument.

If your intention is to be there and take care of the people you love, then I have nothing more to say.  But, if your intention is to satisfy the ridiculous demands of other people, then that annoys me.  There is no reason why four adults (three of whom do not work, two of whom don't even have families of their own) cannot take care of two seniors.  There is no reason why people that are already there can put a limit on how much they can offer and expect someone halfway across the world to abandon a family and go and do everything.

Perhaps there are people that will think I'm the one that's selfish.  And, perhaps, subconsciously, I'm slightly biased because this whole situation has put a lot of stress on me in some ways.  But I do not fully see the logic behind this whole arrangement.

On top of that, the other consideration was the interactions among the people.  Part of the reason I didn't like this arrangement was because I expected it would end in a huge fight.  And, clearly, this is exactly what's happening.  Everyone has their way of doing things and they just can't agree.  Everyone is stressed and tired and demanding that others do more.  Everyone is blaming each other for everything and bringing in things that are totally unrelated.  Absolutely perfect.

M said someone else had accused her of not caring, in response to something she said.  I know it's not true at all, and so she was pretty upset about it.

As much as I felt bad and sorry for her about it and everything that's going on, something else was sort of running through my head.  She would probably never realize it, but the way she's being treated now is exactly what she does to me.  Time and again, I do things because I genuinely care, and she trashes me for it and calls me fake.  Well, now you know how I feel.