Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Coexistence





















Despite the fact that I'm still waiting for my copy of this album to arrive in the mail, I've (obviously) already listened to it a zillion times.

Whenever there's a new hocc album, I'm always very eager to listen to it.  But, at the same time, I always wait until I can give it my "full" attention before I listen, because it deserves my full attention, and because I want the first impression to be fair.

My first listen for this album was in the car, while stuck in traffic.  To be honest, on that first listen, I did not find it to be that appealing.  There wasn't anything particularly interesting that really caught my attention right away, and a lot of things weren't what I expected.

But, of course, that's how it is with most of hocc's albums.  You never know what to expect, and it always turns out to be something different from what you expect.  So, at first, there's always a bit of shock and disappointment.  But the more you listen, the more it grows on you.  And now, I'm loving it.

I've read two detailed reviews of the album so far.  The first, from 3cmusic.com was a bad one, which is surprising because that site has generally always given hocc pretty good reviews.  The other was on a random blog, which gave an okay review.

And this is my very simple take......

酒精和菸 - People say that it's very typical style of Chochukmo.  This I don't know.  But, definitely, for hocc, this is something new.  The lazy and crazy (and almost drunk?) feel is quite fun.  Like in the reviews, it's somewhat close to some of the songs from the Dress Me Up album.

無臉人 - Not exactly new.  Music-wise, this is the type of song suitable for radio play.  I guess it's the lyrics that are most appealing to me.

如果我們只剩一首歌的時間 - This is the song that caught my attention on the track list, even before I listened to it.  The style and the voice she uses to sing this is surprisingly different from what I expected.  I was expecting something soft and warm, but it's not exactly that.  Regardless, this one's really growing on me.

What Do You Love? - Another fun one.  Great driving song.  Perfect for a sunny day drive like today.

波西米亞 - I only recently noticed that this one's written by hocc herself.  Don't have much to say about this one though.  It's nice, but nothing really stands out to me.

對過去的我說 - Another one where the title caught my attention.  The lyrics I like (although that's probably an unfortunate thing).  Starts out kinda gloomy and grey, but builds up to something sort of motivational and encouraging.  Chorus and verses are kinda contrasting, but in a good way

The Science of Crying (眼淚教我的事) - Again, it's the lyrics in this one that gets me.  Or, I guess, more specifically, the story behind it.  The tune is another radio song.  Kinda catchy and easy to remember.

Bye Bye - Not crazy about this one either.  It's fun, but not in a way that I like.

在青木原的第三天 - This one's got that spiritual feel to it, which I kinda like.  It's almost like those Amy Grant songs that I find strangely peaceful, except it talks about being lost.

彼此 - This is sort of like one of those songs that everyone can sing together at the beginning/end of a concert.  It has that positive and encouraging feeling to it.

I agree with what the review on the blog said.  With every album that hocc releases, she disappoints some people, to some extent.  Depending on when you started listening to her music, you'll expect something different.  But in recent years, each album has been so different, both in terms of style and topic/theme, that it's hard to digest.  If you don't have an open mind, mentally and musically, you'll never keep up.  Unless, of course, you're like all the people who have been following 10+ years, and (as some people say) are part of this "cult".  But having said that, I guarantee that the cult does not blindly follow and, in fact, are highly critical.

Monday, April 29, 2013

Don't Know You Anymore

 

This song is from Savage Garden's second (and last) album, Affirmation, from 1999.  I still remember who gave me the CD; someone that I've lost contact with.  If I remember correctly, "Affirmation", "The Animal Song" and "I Knew I Loved You" were the songs that were released from this album.  Years ago, I heard "Two Beds and a Coffee Machine" somewhere and revisited this CD.

Today, 14 years after the release of this album, I finally discovered this song.  Way back then, this meant absolutely nothing to me and I never paid any attention to this song.  When I spontaneously put this CD into the car and heard this song today, it brought that chest pain feeling all over again.  Guess I'm just going a little crazy these days......

Savage Garden - Don't Know You Anymore

I would like to visit you for a while
Get away and out of this city
Maybe I shouldn't have called but
Someone had to be the first to break
We can go sit on your back porch
Relax
Talk about anything
It don't matter
I'll be courageous if you can pretend
That you've forgiven me

'Cause I don't know you anymore
I don't recognise this place
The picture frames have changed
And so has your name
We don't talk much anymore
We keep running from the pain
But what I wouldn't give to see your face again

Springtime in the city
Always such a relief from winter freeze
The snow was more lonely than cold if you know what I mean
Everyone's got an agenda
Don't stop keep that chin up you'll be alright
Can you believe what a year it's been
Are you still the same?
Has your opinion changed?

'Cause I don't know you anymore
I don't recognise this place
The picture frames have changed
And so has your name
We don't talk much anymore
We keep running from these sentences
But what I wouldn't give to see your face again

I know I let you down
Again and again
I know I never really treated you right
I've paid the price
I'm still paying for it every day

So maybe I shouldn't have called
Was it too soon to tell?
Oh what the hell It doesn't really matter
How do you redefine something that never really had a name?
Has your opinion changed?

'Cause I don't know you anymore
I don't recognise this place
The picture frames have changed
And so has your name
We don't talk much anymore
We keep running from the pain
But what I wouldn't give to see your face again

I see your face
I see your face

Sunday, April 28, 2013

RIP

In my memory, this was the 4th funeral that I've ever been to.

For some reason, I remember going to a funeral as a kid, maybe at the age of five or six.  I can remember who the funeral was for.  I can remember being there and seeing the people around me.  But I also know that, at that time, I didn't know what was going on.  It had no meaning to me whatsoever.

The second one was very close.  At the time, I was 14.  I was old enough to understand what was happening.  Someone close to me had passed away, but at first I really didn't feel much.  Perhaps I really didn't know him that well.  Perhaps it was a little too overwhelming.  Throughout the process, the whole idea was kind of freaky to me.  It wasn't until the last moment, when the coffin was being wheeled out of the funeral home and out to be taken to the cemetery that I cried.  I don't know why.  I guess, at that moment, it really occurred to me that he was really gone forever and that I would never see him again.

The third one was last year.  I did not know the person.  My attendance was out of respect.  But even though the person was a stranger to me and half the ceremony was in a language I did not understand, I felt the sorrow and, many times, my eyes teared up.

Today, this person I also did not know well.  I've seen him maybe once or twice a year, but there was never much interaction.  This was a man that was very close to my extended family; a man that visited my grandparents every time he went on his business trips to Asia.  Although I did not know him personally, it was difficult to be there.  I could not bear to look at his daughter.  She's a great girl, and I know she's keeping it together because she still needs to take care of her mother.  But at certain times, when I saw her face, I could feel my own eyes tear up.  She is so close to getting married, and he's never going to see it.

This has all been so sudden.  I guess we all knew it would happen sooner or later, but this was much sooner than expected.

RIP.

Life is fragile.  Life is short.  If you don't take your chances, there may never be a second.  There may never be a chance to do the things you wanted to do.  There may never be a chance to say all those things that were left unsaid.  I've learned this lesson so many times, from so many situations, from so many places.  Yet, I have never been able to put it into action.

Someone once apologized to me for "teaching" me the feeling of sorrow.  (Sorrow.  Not sadness.  It's not the same.)  Over the years, I've grown to understand that more and more.  And, perhaps, you never really learn how to feel until you've experienced sorrow.

Sunday, April 21, 2013

Just Another Day

Perhaps I've made the mistake of looking.  But how could I not look today?

A part of me wants to be glad, because maybe this is for the better on that end.  But the other half of me is somewhat shocked, because perhaps there is nothing worse than this from my perspective.

I'm speculating.  I'm inferring something from the very little that I see.  What the truth is, I have no way of knowing.  I'm not sure if I want to know.  What it might mean is too hard to bear.

At the same time, what I see bothers me.  If it really is for the better, then I'll swallow my dread and accept it.  After all, this is what I've created.  But things are telling me otherwise, and if that really is the case, I'd be even more guilty.

Not sure what to think.
Not sure what to feel.

I did something stupid today.  I do it all the time.  As ridiculous as it is, it still means something to me.  Perhaps I cannot yet get the things I'm looking for, but at least I can bring myself closer to it, even if only for a split-second.

I'm grateful for all the people who offered to grant me a wish today.  But the only thing I'm wishing for is something I have to earn.

It's just another day.

Saturday, April 13, 2013

4/13

I can still very clearly remember that floating feeling.
Not so sure if I can ever find it again.

How could I forget?

[.............]

From day to day...

This time of the year makes my mind and heart run, and that makes me want to bury myself in work.

The workload is always increasing, and that makes me crave certain things.

It's a vicious cycle that I don't know how to stop.  Can't stop working.  Can't get what I crave.

Hence, the last day I wrote was March 28th, and today is April 13th.

Some days, I just can't stop......

Can we do it all over again?