Just Another Day

Perhaps I've made the mistake of looking.  But how could I not look today?

A part of me wants to be glad, because maybe this is for the better on that end.  But the other half of me is somewhat shocked, because perhaps there is nothing worse than this from my perspective.

I'm speculating.  I'm inferring something from the very little that I see.  What the truth is, I have no way of knowing.  I'm not sure if I want to know.  What it might mean is too hard to bear.

At the same time, what I see bothers me.  If it really is for the better, then I'll swallow my dread and accept it.  After all, this is what I've created.  But things are telling me otherwise, and if that really is the case, I'd be even more guilty.

Not sure what to think.
Not sure what to feel.

I did something stupid today.  I do it all the time.  As ridiculous as it is, it still means something to me.  Perhaps I cannot yet get the things I'm looking for, but at least I can bring myself closer to it, even if only for a split-second.

I'm grateful for all the people who offered to grant me a wish today.  But the only thing I'm wishing for is something I have to earn.

It's just another day.