Looking down the road...

As planned about two months ago, I had dinner with two good friends tonight.  As much as I love these people, our lives are so incredibly different that there always seems to be some moments of awkwardness.

Person 1 I've known forever.  More than 20 years.  She's truly my childhood friend.  We know each other's siblings.  Our parents know each other.  She's gone from a girl growing up in a very strict family to getting married and planning to have kids.

Person 2 I've known probably 10 years.  She grew up with a broken family, depended on in-laws, and finally ran away.  Now she's living with a steady boyfriend and planning to get married and have kids.

And where does that put me?  In the rather awkward position of being forever single.

These two people that I've known for ages and ages know nothing.  With both of them being such simple people, a part of me is inclined to think that they don't even have a clue.

The question that came up tonight......

Do you see yourself having a family or living on your own?

My answer was honest, but incomplete.

It could go either way.

Can I see myself living on my own for the rest of my life?  Yes.  Perhaps this is the more likely of the two outcomes right now, although not the one I want.  It would not be anything strange to anyone because there are numerous examples of people in my extended family that are not married.  So what's another?

Can I see myself with a family?  Yes.  What the word "family"means is open to interpretation.  Who doesn't want a shoulder to lean on?  It's just not so easy to achieve.  At this point, the only way to achieve it is to sacrifice one family for another.  Sometimes I really can't understand why I can't have both.

This question makes me wonder how well these two friends know about me.  What is going through their minds when they asked me this?  Then again, they're both very simple people.  Chances are they might not make the right connections.

Looking down the road......

It's all a blur.