On my way home on the bus the other day, I looked through FB and noticed big news: M got engaged. I guess I knew this was coming sooner or later, but it was still pretty surprising.
Congrats, M. I'm happy for you. In the 10+ years that I've known you, you've been through a lot of rough times. This, I'm sure, will be the beginning of your happy ending. You deserve this, and so much more.
This is at least the third wedding that will be taking place next year. This one, I cannot (and will not) turn down. This one, I care about. The other two, not so much. I'm guessing there will be some, or even quite a bit, overlapping in two of these weddings. After all, some of M's friends will be mutual friends of another bride and groom. Potentially, we all have mutual friends.
I love and hate this type of news. When I saw this yesterday, it made me think of something else.
R told me that C said she saw herself living alone and not having a family. And then R asked me the same question. I had said I could see it both ways. I may be alone. There may be a family. Whatever that means. Who knows.
Do I want to be alone? Trustfully, who does? Nobody. I'm not afraid of being alone. I know that, relatively speaking, I'm very capable. I can take care of myself. But when I see people around me that don't have a family and are starting to get old, I know I'd rather not be in that position.
Could there be someone else? I don't have an answer to that question. That encompasses too many other things. Will I find someone I'm comfortable with? Can I make it work? Will I destroy other things in the process? I just don't know.
But every time I see these engagements, weddings and what not, I feel a little more uncertain, a little more discouraged.
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