Bargaining

After all this time, I finally finished watching season one of Lost Girl.  Despite having read various things about the show and watched random episodes form seasons two and three, it was still good, and I didn't know it would end the way it did.

In the last episode, one particular line caught my attention:

"You will grant what I want most in exchange for what I hold dearest."

In exchange for giving his strength to Bo to help her win a fight, Dyson had to sacrifice what he valued most.  At the time, he thought it was his wolf.  When the deal was made, his love/passion for Bo was taken from him.

More than once, someone mentioned the words "Risk what you treasure" to me.  Somewhere, some time, this same person wrote that if you're going to bargain with God, then you have to wager what you treasure most to do it justice.

In many ways, I've done what the writer did.  At times of desperation, I've wagered years of living, and even my life, for things that mattered more to me.

What is it that you want most?
What is it that you hold dearest?

What is it that you treasure?
What is it that you're willing to risk?

What I want most is what I hold dearest.
What I hold dearest is what I want most.
What I treasure is what I'm willing to risk.
What I'm willing to risk is what I treasure.

Can you bargain with God?  Inherently, you have to lose something, because almost all the time what you want most and what you treasure most are two aspects of the same thing.  All you're doing is giving up one aspect of it for another.

The writer wrote that her bargaining likely failed, because otherwise she wouldn't be alive.

Did I get my bargain?  I don't know.  Perhaps not.  Like the writer said, if it did then I probably wouldn't be alive.  But then again, maybe I did.  Because, inherently, based on my wager, I would never see what I wished for.