Crisis

This is something that I had on my mind a few weeks ago, but never got the chance to write about it.  The topic came up again today at the office, so it came to mind again.

Today was the first day back to work after the holidays.  Naturally, in addition to the holiday festivities, the topic of conversation was the ice storm.  Of course, lots of people had no power, had lots of downed trees, and it ruined a lot of Christmas plans.  But what caught my attention was this incident:

Woman braves outage hungry, cold, immobile and in the dark

Someone at the office was talking about this because he was acquainted with this woman.  He felt bad that he didn't think of checking on her during the difficult times.

Of course, it's not his fault.  This is life.  This is the way our society works.  When life is rough, everyone is focused on themselves.

What does this have to do with me?

During the course of the ice storm, I know I had quite a few friends that had no power and had to bear the cold days and nights.  All the while, I was nice and warm in my lighted, heated house.  While chatting with friends those days, I felt bad that I couldn't offer anything.

To put things in perspective, there are three other people in my house and the house is not mine.  I really don't have much say in what I can do or offer.  On top of that, our house was a complete disaster with construction going on.  To make things more complicated, because of the past, the relationship I have with friends vs family is a very delicate issue.  Inviting people to my house is somewhat of a "dangerous" thing to do.

Despite my concerns, in some ways, they are all just "excuses".  When it comes to offering help to those around you, I shouldn't be letting those things get in my way.  Perhaps it's a little selfish of me.

This is not the first time.  Time and again, I've failed the people that are important to me.  There have been times when people wanted to share happy moments, and I could not do so.  There have been times whne people needed comfort, and I wasn't there.  Some things I cannot control.  Some things I have too many other things to take into consideration.  Whether or not it is appropriate of me to use these "excuses" is open to judgment.  Perhaps, if and when I move out, this will all change.  It needs to change.

Sometimes, there are no second chances.

Stroke of Midnight

The countdown to the new year always seems to pass me by.  Physically, at least.  Mentally or emotionally, some things still sit at the back of my mind.

Some years, I don't mind hanging out with a few friends and just having a good time.  To some extent, it's a way to take my mind off the heavier things.  But it's also nice to just spend time with good people, doing whatever.

Some years, I just have no interest in anything.  Perhaps this New Year's Eve was one of these.  I guess it's a combination of things.  Partly, it's because it's been so busy and tiring that I just want a break: some peace and quiet, some time alone.  Partly, it's because my mind and heart are so overwhelmed by things that are too heavy to handle.

When the clock stroked midnight, I was too busy to notice.  But when I did finally get to sit down, a lot of things re-played in my mind.

Time keeps going by, but things are still not right.