林二汶 － 出口

Interesting read.

I don't think I ever worried about her being stolen away.  I had no reason to.

I have to say I was never very confident of myself.  In my mind, I could never understand what it is in me that she saw.  Of all people, why me?  Especially with the age difference.  I was just some kid who happened to strike a conversation.

But I had confidence in her.   200% confidence.  She's not the type to be stolen away.  If she cared about someone, she cared with all her heart and soul.  I never had any doubt about that.

For that matter, to this day, I still firmly believe that she cares.  Whether it's for me, or the ones before me.  She's not the type to just let go and forget.  At least not deep down.

It was my fault. I didn't do enough. I gave her a reason to leave.  I pushed her away.

8/10

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9

What am I counting?  My failures?  My regrets?

I don't even know anymore.

How do I stop counting?

Am I fighting with the world?  Or am I fighting with myself?  Why do I need to fight at all?

Time and again, I try to find my way.  One step forward.  Three steps back.  I'm not getting anywhere.  Am I chasing a moving target?  Or the target does not even exist?

I can destroy the world.  I can destroy myself.  But I can't get any of this right.

The weight kills me.  But the silence is worse.  It's one thing to condemn me.  It's quite another to not.

I run on hope, or what little amount of it that remains.  (Or is this called naive?)

I run on faith, believing things I cannot see.  (Or is this called blind?)

9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1

Turn back the clock.

Can I start over?

IMUL

化蝶

There's a certain TV show playing on TV right now and it keeps playing this song......



Someone heard the above song and commented that it's a nice song and asked me what the song is and who sings it.

You're asking me what this...in my opinion,,,butchered...song is and who sings it?

I could not be bothered to answer any more than that it's "that guy that sings a lot of the TVB songs".  I could not remember his name.  Nor did I want get into what song this is.

If I told you what this song is, and who the original singer is, you'd stop liking it.  It sounds familiar to you because I've played it million and millions and millions of times.

The irony.

I find it almost repulsive that you like this song.  I'd rather you didn't.  How can you like a song that has everything to do with the part of my life that you destroyed?

This is my song.  Stay out of it, and let me keep my memories.



A certain part of this music video made me cringe the first time I saw it.  Many people said the same at that time.

This song still makes me cringe, but for very different reasons.

It's been a while since I've listened to this song and the others from that album.  I pulled it up on my iPod the other day and had a listen.  It just never seems to get any easier.

Play me this song again. will you?  Let me sit and watch the musician in you again?

The numbers...

On paper it's 10.
In reality its 7.
Give away 6.
Leaves 1 for myself.

All that work...for so little.