As much as I hate doing this, it makes sense to look back at the year and reflect. Better to do it earlier than later. Knowing me, when the last minutes of the year roll around, I won't be able to think straight. So here we go......
Work, I guess, is the easiest place to start. Work was busier than before. Usually it slows down in the summer, but it felt like it never slowed down this year. This was probably because the firm picked up a big bunch of new files and I, myself, picked up some of those and a large group of companies. Every year the work load increases. I guess, professionally, that's supposed to be a good thing. After all, people give you work because you can handle it. What concerns me most in this area is moving forward. Where do I go from here? Am I really developing professionally? I don't really feel it. As some of my coworkers have said, we seem to be "stuck" because of the way the firm is organized. As much as I like this place, this is a problem.
Also on the work side is my designations. I've officially added three letters after my name (or five, depending how you look at it). Exciting? Not so much. The real hard part was done three years ago. This was just part of the process. These three letters were the ultimate goal of the past five years, so I guess it's an accomplishment. Supposedly, these letters will get me places in the workplace. Realistically, I'm not so sure what it means to me. In this realm, I'm another step closer to adding three more letters after my name. This one, potentially, has more value than the first, but getting there will require some drastic changes.
Naturally, work and designations leads to finances. I guess it's been a good year. Larger raise. Larger bonus. Added benefits. Investments are up. What more can you ask for? And with that, I bought my own car. In some ways, it's a luxury. I could manage without. In some ways, it's a necessity because of the nature of my job. Regardless, it does make for much more flexibility and efficient use of my evenings. No complaints or regrets here. The "issue" here is that this is against my initial plans. I have always told myself house before car. But it seemed this was not the most practical path to take considering my job does require me to drive and go places. In some ways, this is a set back. I can live without a car. But living at home means there are some doors I still cannot open.
Socially, I'm not sure what happened this year. Did I form any new friendships? I can't really remember. I definitely did reacquaint with some people I've met in the past. For the most part, I feel more comfortable getting together with that group than in the past. I guess that's a good thing? On the other hand, a part of me is starting to think that some people that I thought were good matches might not be so compatible after all. Perhaps, the more you get to know someone, the more differences you discover. The challenge is to navigate around it all and keep the friendship going. I'm no good with people. It takes a lot of effort. I'm grateful for all the wonderful people that have entered into my life. I respect your values, thoughts, opinions and lifestyle, and I hope you'll respect mine.
At home. Not sure if there's anything worthwhile to think or say here. Sometimes, it just all seems like a lost cause. There are things that annoy me. There are things that stress me out. Perhaps changes are needed, but every family "operates" in a certain way. Other people may not understand, but it's very difficult to make things work any differently without causing a lot of chaos. And when you've got stubborn, closed-minded people, sometimes I just don't know what there is I can do. I do what I can. I'm not sure how much more I can do.
Personally. Home is where the heart is. If there's anything that I've learned over the years, it's how to stop and listen to myself. I've never been more sure of where I want to be. It's just a matter of finding a way to get there. I can keep trying, but will my destination still be there when I finish my journey? I just don't know.
It's been a tiring year. In fact, each year always seems to be more draining than the past. Am I getting old? Or is this life I'm living too much to handle?
