2/27

The weekend is rolling in, marking the end of my two weeks of freedom.

This is the longest period of time that I've had alone.  I've taken the chance to do some things that normally would not be possible.  Whatever I've done, or haven't done, in the past two weeks is driving me insane.

With these last remaining days, I really need to try and push aside all the emotional things and start to re-focus my mind on work and studying, at least for the next three months.

But, of course...story of my life...something has to remind me that my roller coaster ride is not over.

Service at the restaurant tonight was slow.  As we waited for the waitress to come back with the credit card machine, I noticed, front and center, with a heart around it, the name on the receipt.

What else?

Thanks.  I really don't need reminders on this one.

You & I

I don't understand.
I don't know what I'm up against.
I don't see the light.

But I believe we are connected.
And trust...in something I cannot even begin to put into words.

Nothing else comes close...
Not then.
Not now.

[.................]

2/22

Four million square miles of Canadian soil...

Another cruel joke.

Thanks.

2/16

You said you wanted to share a drink with me.
But when we had the chance, you wouldn't let me drink.
Now here I am, bottle in hand, wishing you were here.

You asked me what I thought of you wanting to pick up smoking again.
You resisted the urge, because I told you not to.
Now here I am, wondering if a drag could ease the pain.

Isn't it ironic how things go around?

The Day After

Poet...

Preacher...

Preacher...

Poet...

Enlighten me with your wisdom.

I'm running around in circles.

As the night falls...

Over the last little while, I've been noticing the FB posts of a friend.  I don't really know this person.  She is no longer even in the city.  But the posts are there and I see them.  I've taken notice because there are some heart felt things in there that I can relate to.

Over this weekend, the posts have really caught my attention.

Nothing was explicitly said in any of the posts, but if you put the pieces together, it's not hard to see what's going on...

A box of roses, made with her own hands...
A wish...
A countdown...

And, finally, pain and disappointment.

I get it.
I feel your pain.

Because I've just done the same thing.

Cheers...to another failed attempt.

Lay Me Down

I'm reaching out to you
Can you hear my call?

Can I lay by your side, next to you?
And make sure you're alright?

[.................]

Mission Impossible

1...was lost.  It came at a time when there was confusion.  Try, you said.  If it doesn't work, we'll still be very very good friends.  It was clear what was happening, but I hesitated.

2...slipped out of my hands.

3...
4...
5...
6...
7...
8...
9...

This would have, could have, been 10.

I can't let this pass me by anymore.

It comes at a good timing.  This is my chance.

I've tried and tried and tried without success.  What more can I do?  I've done everything I can, except outright knock on your front door; a step I'm not willing to take, and one that you likely would not appreciate.  When I can't be sure of the place or the communication lines, what more can I do?

Perhaps my little friend can convince you otherwise...

I've sent him on a mission...

Tonight, he proudly wears the name you gave him.  His feet are marked with battle scars, just like his twin.  He has a story to tell you, and things to say to you.  He's also holding flowers, forever ready to greet you with his open arms.

If you will give him the chance...

One word is all it takes...

IMUL

[......]

Forever and a day.

Between the lines

Why can't everyone be a little more honest?

Why can't everyone be a little more straight-forward?

The situation is clear.

Why can't we just deal with it once and for all?

I have the ability to walk away.

I don't need to take sh*t from anyone.

If it can't move forward, this is the step  I will eventually have to take.

For the sake of my sanity, there is no other way.

But it doesn't have to be like this.

I've never wanted to walk away.

The situation is forcing me to.

Draft #21683

Some days, you put a lot of effort into doing something and when it's done, it seems so not right that you want to rip it to pieces.

Today is one of those days.

I can do a lot of things right, but I will never get this right.

Come on, self...

You need to get this right.

NOW.

Pictures of you...

Your hair...
Your eyes...
Your smile...
Your hands...

It's been a long time since I've seen a picture of you.

I long to touch you......your hair, your face, your hands, your body...

If I stood in front of you and looked you in the eyes, would you feel all that I feel for you?

T-5

I can conquer the world, but I never know what do to when it comes to you.

One of these days, you will be the reason I destroy myself.

For f**k sake, just talk to me.

T-11

Think this through...

Very very carefully...

This could be the very last chance.

Don't blow it.